Wednesday, July 27, 2011

the Forgotten Never Forget

I’m watching you tonight with a soundless, shattered heart. I watch you longingly as you type a text on your phone, chuckling at a comedian on television. It’s been four years since you graduated and came home from college. When you, Peter, left town, you were the eighteen-year-old boy with alluring eyes and smile who I met that summer and promised to be my best friend forever. I, Marie, was the young, pony tailed girl who idolized everything you did and always wanted to be near you. All that hot summer, we were attached to the hip, racing up and down the street, jumping in the lake, and dancing underneath the bright moonlight with a Jason Aldean song softly playing on the radio in your truck. Everything was perfect until August. I even knew back then that you would forget about me. I already saw the distance in your eyes and it hurt inside but I had to let you go and I vowed to myself to wait for you anyway. As time went by and I waited for the letters that were never written, I faded away from your memory. Now you have a brand new life, never noticing that I’m still waiting.

I cry, I scream, standing right in front of you but you don’t see me. You feel the coldness of my despair but you just cover yourself up with a sheet. I furiously throw a newspaper across the room and pages fly everywhere. You just pick them up but what you read stops you in your tracks. It’s the obituaries. When you see my picture and name, all of the color leaves your face. I’ve died last week, having drank some poison one night. They found my body with Jason Aldean gently singing on my CD player in my car underneath the moonlight. Where were you? I was all alone!

“Oh Marie…,” you said with a quiver in your voice, looking sorrowfully at my picture. Tears are building up in your eyes. As you glance up into the mirror in front of you, you finally see me in the reflection. You drop the paper at your feet. My pale, lifeless, tragic face stares at you with blood tears rolling down my cheeks. You can’t talk, barely breathing. You put a hand on the mirror. Then, you can finally hear my voice.

I tenderly whisper, “Remember me Peter?” You just nod your head, weeping too hard now to speak.

“I just want you to know,” I continue, “that even though you forgot all about me, I never forgot you. I waited everyday for my best friend! I might have never had said this to you before but I truly love you Peter and never stopped when you left. When I realized that you even forgot that I existed, I lost something inside. I think that I was already dead before the poison. I love you and always will!”

All that you can do is cry as I finish my last sentence. With passion and slight rage, I then punch the glass of the mirror, smashing it and I disappear. You fall onto your knees, feeling ashamed, lost, and heartbroken. You try and try to get me to come back but I don’t. I can still hear your voice though. You are whimpering nonstop, “I love you too, I love you too Marie, I’m so sorry.”

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

*COMPLETELY FICTIONAL* I was thinking about stuff one late Friday night and this story just popped in my head. I was also inspired by the song above: "Miss Invisible" by Marie Digby.

NKOTBSB Concert and Harry Potter Movie

Last week, I went to the New Kids On The Block and Backstreet Boys concert and last Sunday, I saw the last Harry Potter movie. The concert was awesome! I went with my sister Amanda. Our seats were high but the stage was still so close to us, which was amazing. One of the opening acts were Matthew Morrison from Glee. He was very good. He really could sing and he was funny. Both New Kids and Backstreet Boys were great! They sang all of our favorites. Amanda and I were screaming, singing, and dancing. It was also exciting to see Nick Carter and Joey McIntyre live.  They were still dreamy. ;-) 
On Sunday, Mom and I saw Harry Potter. I loved it! They made the movie like the book as much as they could. It was bittersweet to see it all end.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Just Thoughts Of Wisdom

Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, relaying on loved ones isn’t a sign of helplessness. Opening up to people doesn’t make you pathetic. When life turns unfair and dark, you shouldn’t just quit. Showing emotions makes you human. Just remember that God is always with you.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

Perfect World

Love the lyrics to this song!

Friday, July 8, 2011

My Awesome Family

My family is awesome! We've always been tight. No matter what life throws at us, we face it together. Nobody's perfect but we're always there for each other. I love my family so much! I thank God for them every single day!

The Happy Single Queen

Some women my age are so blindly involved in dating. They’re desperately searching for Mr. Perfect, kissing every “frog” no matter how slimy they are but I’m different. Yes, once upon a time, I was that girl who thought that finding a man was key to happiness but after several cheaters and after the demented, torture-fascinated guy who I’m pretty sure was the Jack the Ripper of 2011, that belief soon changed. I’m not saying that I completely gave up on romance. I still have the sweetest fantasies about romance but I’m just not that helpless princess who was waiting longingly up in her tower for knight in shining armor to save her anymore. I’m the single and extremely happy queen who is enjoying life on her own. I’m very open minded and I still daydream. If romance wants to make a comeback and if there’s a guy out there who will prove that he’s my king, I’m all for it. He just have to be worthy enough to be with me and impress me in a major way.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

Dear Max

Dear Max,
If you ever read this,
I just want you to know how important you are to me.
You’re my best friend, my safe haven, my fantasy, my light.
When I’m around you,
everything feels so right.
My heart feels joyful and protected.
We do the silliest things,
Like running up and down the street,
like spinning around and around till we’re dizzy.
I can do nothing but smile when you’re near,
You sing to me and the world disappears.
I don’t care about the words,
The beauty is in your voice.
I know that I can never be your girl
that my dream of us can’t ever come true
but I needed to say at lease on paper that my feelings are real.
I truly love you.
You might think that you’re just an ordinary guy
but to me, you’re more special than the moon in the sky.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

Max is made up! ;-)