Thursday, December 13, 2012

Christmastime (Happy Birthday Jesus)

Christmastime is here,
It’s the time to care, time to share.
Complete joyfulness is in the air,  
as snow is falling everywhere,
making the city a land of powder sugar.
Children’s eyes are sparkling with awe and absolute wonder;
at this season that is so magical.
With sweet peppermint coating on my tongue,
I’m wishing “Merry Christmas” to everyone.

Angels in Heaven are also singing,
reminding us of the blessing that was born in a manger,
one holy, cold night in December.
We praise Jesus,
with our warm Christmas wishes. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012  

Merry Christmas! 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


Thanks to my family for always, ALWAYS supporting me, for loving me no matter what. Thanks for making laugh. Thank you Mom, Dad, sister (Amanda, you're the best sissy ever), aunts (you rock!), uncles (the most awesome) , grandparents (love ya!), my trillions of cousins (lol, including Tammy, Chris, and Dave), and my niece Grace. You make me smile constantly. 

Thanks to my friends, online and in real life. Thank you for listening and caring. Thank you Carl for being a such good friend. Despite what others might say, you're a great person.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Happy Birthday Steven

Happy birthday Steven! I know that you're partying like every birthday. :-) Everyone still thinks about you and misses you. I miss your jokes and goofy songs. A kid on Halloween said the "hallow  weenie" joke about the vampire and the witch and it made me smile. :-D I still remember those inappropriate jokes, lol!  Have fun today up there.  We all love you.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

the Halloween Ball

the Halloween Ball  
By: Lena Holdman

As the town clock strikes midnight in the distance, the Halloween ball begins in a pitch black graveyard. Wild spirits scream and sing wickedly, jack-‘o-lanterns chuckle crazily, cackling witches and wizards wear outlandish, flowing robes that make them look like they are swirling on air, gruesome looking zombies with oozing, decaying faces groan hungrily, and vampires smile seductively, baring their sharp fangs. Grinning skeletons start the music and everyone does a funeral march-like waltz. One…two, one…two, one…two, one…two.

When the clock strikes three and when the moon turns red, an evil tradition then begins. The spirits chose a child in advance. They call to the innocent child; usually a girl with the purest heart and long, scarlet hair. With sing-song, playful voices, they call out: “Come little one, come.” Being in a deep trance, the girl gets out of bed and walks out into her own death.

The helpless girl enters the graveyard and they all surround her eagerly, their mouths watering. The wind howls frightfully and they creep closer…closer…closer. The girl always wakes up just in time for her scream and see shadows consuming her. Blood is drank, skin is pealed from the bone, and the soul is sacrificed to the unthinkable. Where’s her body? I don’t think that you want to know. She becomes another reckless spirit that is invited to the Halloween ball.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Happy Halloween! ;)

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Wonderland Camp, Fall 2012

Last weekend I went to Wonderland Camp and I had relaxing, fun time. I saw my friends: Kortney, Scott, Dustin, Colleen, Chris, Kayla S., Kayla W., Mary, Angie, Ashley, Toby, Alena, Austin, and Jason. On Friday night, we had a campfire. It was very chilly outside but it was nice. The beautiful stars were out and I was surrounded by great people. Toby told a funny “scary” story and we ate messy, delicious s’mores. Kortney and I loved it.

Saturday morning, we did crafts. First, we made scarecrow faces with popsicle sticks. My scarecrow face had three eyes and vampric fangs. Kayla W. smiled and said: “Well, everyone will know who made this one.” Then we painted pumpkins with Alena and Jason. I painted a monstrous face on mine. Hey, it’s Halloween time and it’s me. What do you expect? :)  After the pumpkins, we made paper ghosts. Everyone was making their ghosts with happy faces but I wanted to be different so I made one with a sad face. It made the other campers laugh. After crafts, I just relaxed in bed for a while.

Later that afternoon, the hayrides began. It was a brisk day but it was fun to hang out with friends. When it was finally my cabin’s turn, Scott went with us and sat by me. Kortney, Scott, Kayla S., Kayla W., and I were laughing and joking around as the hayride went around camp. It was so cool.

Later on after dinner, the dance began. I wore a black and purple, glittery shirt, my favorite pair of skinny jeans, and black shoes. The multicolored lights were spinning everywhere and the music was blasting. Scott taking me out of my wheelchair, I slow danced with him. When he does that, it’s beyond sweet. I love it! I also danced with Chris, Kayla, Dustin, and everyone else. I was dancing and singing the night away.

On Sunday, everyone was getting ready to go home. When Mom and Dad came to pick me up, Scott was goofing around and tried to hide me from them. It was funny. I hugged everyone goodbye and took some pictures. I hate saying bye to everybody but camp will always be there. I’ll always have memories to smile about and I’ll constantly have things to write about every summer and fall. I love Wonderland Camp!  

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Here Come The Witches

Here come the witches with their magic spells.
They cackle loudly with their malicious souls,
knowing all too well what Halloween holds.
They glide across the jack-‘o-lantern shaped moon,
as waking spirits begin to moan.
The time of treats and tricks approaches;
I see the mischievous witches;
I hear the wickedness of the witches.
Be ready girls and boys,
Halloween brings the laughter and the chills.   

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Go Whitney!!


Sixteen-year-old Whitney Krupp at Ogemaw Heights High was elected to her homecoming court as a cruel prank. She thought of suicide but then she stood up for herself. The town rallied behind the teen; a hair salon and a dress shop helping her get ready for the dance.  A Facebook page was even launched to support the bullied teen. I still don't understand why people bully others. Bullying is just pathetic and heartless! It makes me smile to see her town supporting her. A friendly hand is sometimes all you need. :)

Help Ban Conversion Therapy

The damaging and dangerous practice called "conversion therapy" might soon be at an end in California --- the most populous state in the U.S. -- if Governor Jerry Brown signs a bill that the state Legislature has already passed. So-called conversion therapy is based upon the dangerous and disapproving theory that homosexuality is a form of mental illness and that through therapy, sexual orientation can be changed.

Thousands of gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth have been subjected to the humiliating measures of this practice over  the past 100 years, including electric shocks and nausea-inducing  medication paired with homosexual imagery. In many other cases, youth have been forced to undergo shame-filled therapy sessions with counselors and groups of their peers. 

Tell California Gov. Jerry Brown: Sign the bill to ban conversion therapy of minors and affirm the finding of the legislature that being gay or lesbian is not a disease or disorder.

Monday, August 20, 2012

August Wonderland Camp 2012


The sun shines brightly,

Campers laugh happily,

as we make blissful memories;

memories that shall always live in you and me.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Camp was fun! I was happy to see my friends 

Scott, Dustin, Colleen, Kortney, Mary, Angie, 

Al, Polly, and Alena. I also made new friends; 

Kayla S., Kayla W., Amber, and Austin. 

Everyday was an adventure with music, 

swimming, crafts, boating, dancing, and 

hanging with friends. I'll always remember the  

laughs. (:

Saturday, July 21, 2012

When You Think That You're Alone (entry for Colorado shooting victims)

When you think that you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow.
When you shed a tear, I’ll stop you from sinking so low.
The light, you can follow.
Together, you can fight the demons and make it through the grief.   


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Hear My Voice (the vid)

This poem and video is sort of melancholy but it's heartfelt and it has a positive message behind it.

Poem: Hear My Voice
Poem by: Lena Holdman
Song: "Miss Invisible"
Song by: Marie Digby 

(I do not own the rights of the music or pictures)

Hear My Voice  

You look at me but you don’t see me.
You speak to me but you talk down to me.
Have you ever felt like a prisoner in your own body?
Have you ever had a crowd stare at you with humiliating pity?
I have a soul that yearns, a heart that beats, a mind that thinks,
but you only notice the legs that don’t work, the chair that I’m bound in, the speech that is slurred!

I’m a person too,
I’m sick and tired of being overlooked,
You will hear my voice,
I won’t be ignored,
Why must I be ignored?

I like being different,
Why do you have to be ignorant?
This is me,
Why can’t you accept it?
Why can’t you be my friend?

I’m a person too,
I’m sick and tired of being overlooked,
You will hear my voice,
I won’t be ignored,
Why must I ignored?

You will hear my voice,
It’s my right and choice,
I won’t ever be ignored,
Because I’m a person too.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Friday, July 6, 2012

Lena's Music Vid

I made a music video with random pictures just for fun. I was feeling creative. (:
Song: I Must Not Chase the Boys
Artist: Tata Young
Pictures From: Photobucket

(I do not own the rights to the music or pictures)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Wonderland Camp, June 2012


Last week I went to Wonderland Camp. It was a hot, fun, incredibly adventurous week. I saw my old friends Dustin, Scott, Faith, Angie, Mary, Morgan, Aaron, Hope, Ashley, Dawn, Lena (yes, there was another Lena in my cabin), Colleen, Toby, Al, and Alena.  I also made new friends Katie, Ellen, Jennifer, Cole, Jade, and Victoria. Along with the awesome camp counselors, there were also new volunteers this year. Most of them were very nice but one was less enthusiastic about camp; (I won’t say the name). I hung out with the nice ones anyway. On Sunday, we had the pool party. The water was ice cold but it was fun. Beach balls were flying and Toby brought out the water guns. Everyone was goofing around, getting soaked. It was so much fun!

On Monday, we had Rec, Nature, Arts and Crafts, and Game Room in the morning. In Rec, we got on the field and kicked around soccer balls. I was actually good at kicking. I almost kicked a ball in a goal. In Arts and Crafts, we tie-dyed our camp shirts. I made mine red and blue with a spiral. In Nature, we went up into the tree house and told stories. I like it in the tree house. It’s cool to look down and see nothing but green. In the game room, I just hung out and listened to the jukebox.
Later that afternoon, it was pool time. I went on the splash pad. The splash pad is like a mini water park with all types of sprinklers and hoses. They ran me through it while I sat in a shower chair. It was a blast!  I became obsessed with the splash pad and went there during pool time for the rest of the week.
On Monday evening, we had karaoke. I danced and hung out with Dustin, Scott, Cole, and Faith. I also sang Avril Lavigne’s “Don’t Tell Me”. The night rocked! I love my camp friends!! 

On Tuesday, we had Nature, Music, and Game Room. In Nature, we had a treasure hunt and walked down a trail. The trail seemed never-ending but it was great. The wooded, rocky area that we were in reminded me of a colorful, magical forest from one of my fantasy stories. In Music, we sat underneath the parachute and sang camp songs. With everyone from my cabin under it, it looked like a big but crowded circus tent. Then in the game room, I played a computer game.
Later that evening, we had a movie night. We watched a movie called “Heavyweights”. It was about some kids who go to fat camp and have to stand up to the mean camp director. It was funny, just a cute Disney movie.  I ate the popcorn too for once.  It tasted delicious.

On Wednesday, we went to the water front in the morning to ride the boat. The boat ride was bumpy and relaxing. I almost dozed off again. Then on the way back to the cabin, I had a slight mishap. My back wheel fell off and lost its screw. I was not happy at all but they fixed it.
Later that afternoon, we had Arts and Crafts and Music. In Arts and Crafts, we painted wind chimes. Then we got to draw anything that we wanted. I drew pictures of witches and Freddy Krueger. I’m strange, what can I say? In Music, we practiced for the talent show.
Later that evening, it was the talent show. There were a lot of entertaining skits and songs. For our group talent, we did a skit where we acted like we were on “America’s Got Talent”. Three of us were the judges, while some of us danced, some of us sang, and some of us played instruments. I sang in the skit. For my individual talent, I read a poem that I wrote called “Unmask the Witch”. I like reading my stuff aloud at camp. I’m less nervous and it’s fun. I always love the talent show but this year there was the most hilarious skit ever! Two campers had a pretend wedding. The bride danced down ‘the aisle’ and Toby acted as ‘the minster’. Goofy Toby started ‘the ceremony’ with “When I think of marriage, I think of Donkey Kong…”   Their pretend vows were like, “Promise to sit by each other at meals…Promise to dance at the dance.” Then they exchanged fanny packs and hugged. Everyone was laughing so hard.

On Thursday, it was open activities. In Nature, we shot BB guns. I shot a BB by myself once. I didn’t hit the target but it felt cool to pull the trigger on my own. In Music, we learned some new dances. In Beauty Shop, the girls got ready for the dance. I got my nails painted purple and my hair spiked up into a Mohawk. I wore a white and black top, my favorite pair of skinny jeans, my black shoes, and dark make-up.
Later, after a cool candlelit dinner, the dance started. Lights were twirling and music was booming throughout the dinning hall. I danced with everyone but the one dance that I’ll always remember is the one with Scott. With help from Faith, he took me out of my chair and slow danced with me. We danced as our friends watched and took pictures. This might sound dorky but I felt like a princess for a few moments. I don’t get to slow dance often so that was very special to me. Scott, you’re such a good friend. Thank you. The dance was amazing!

On Friday, it was awards. I got the “Cool Sunglasses Queen” award because I traded sunglasses with Dustin and I always wore them. Then after awards, we played bingo. Scott helped me. When my parents got there, Scott and Dustin walked with me to my cabin and hugged me goodbye. Last week was wonderful. Though Fridays are bittersweet, I know that Wonderland Camp will always be there. The next time that I’m there, I’ll have even more adventures.   

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dear Insecurity


Dear Insecurity 

Dear Insecurity,

Tonight I’m going to face my fear,
Tonight the torture ends here.
Your lies won’t break me,
I’m finally free.

Insecurity, I won’t listen to you anymore,
It’s time for me to let of the past and go towards the future.
Even though he drives me nuts at times,
he truly loves me.
He accepts me; mind, soul, and body.
I’m surrounded by only positivity.
Oh Insecurity, you were wrong,
I’ll never be alone. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

The song above is "Doesn't Everybody Want To Fall In Love" by Kristina Debarge. I do not own. 

A poem that is about having the courage to care for another despite your fears. I was just being silly with Carl too.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

My Dreams


My Dreams 

The cynical tell me to give up on my dreams,
To keep my head out of the clouds,
to keep my feet on the ground;
But my dreams and fantasies are so precious to me.
They’re where I’m free.

One day I’ll finally spread my wings and fly.
One day the impossible will unfold in front of my eyes.
There will be no rules, limits, or walls;
My soul will have no bounds.  
I’ll do it all.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

The song/video above is by Victoria Banks. 

I believe in never giving up on your dreams no matter what. 

Friday, May 25, 2012

A Trip to the Mall...And the Elevator

My mom and I went to the mall today and I was excited. Mom willingly going to the mall is rare because she hates shopping (unlike me who would blow all of my money if I had my way :) ). We were going upstairs and headed towards the elevator. We saw that the elevator was out of order and we both sighed. I realize that to other people, this would be no big deal and they would just take the escalator but to someone who can't walk, it's slightly annoying. Mom and I wandered around Macy's, trying to find an elevator. They had one but it only went up and down the levels of that store, not the mall levels themselves. Even though it was irritating, I was still having fun and looking around. Finally, a friendly guard showed us another mall elevator. He was so nice. He's probably a cool grandpa. 

After our mini adventure, we continued our shopping. I got things like a pink and black skull book bag and an Edward Cullen t-shirt from Hot Topic. It was a very good day but the reason why I wrote this entry is to tell all malls to make sure all of their elevators are working. Handicapped people and their caregivers depend on them.   

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


By: Lena Holdman

There was once a young woman who was perfectly imperfect;
a woman who was eccentrically, beautifully different.
Though everyone loved her,
they would pick out her mistakes and scold her like a child!
She was supposed to act naïve, innocent, obedient;
wear white not black.
She was expected to be concerned about what they think and jump when they said so.
She felt like an overused, broken toy.

Finally one day, she said: “I have my own mind!
Everyone has flaws,
Why do you have to pick at mine to the bone?
I’m not your puppet or slave,
I don’t have to do what anyone says!”

Then she just continued to yell: “You better burn me, this defiant witch, at the stake now,
for I’ll just do what you won’t allow.
There is no way in hell that you’ll change how I feel,
This is me, so shut up and deal!” 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

This is about rebellion and I was sort of venting a little. The song above is "Acting Out" by Ashley Tisdale. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I'm A Poet!

I’m a poet!
I’ll say what I should and what I shouldn’t!
When I’m here with my pen and paper, I reveal what’s in my heart;
Be it sad, be it filled with rage, or be it joyful,
I’m always truthful.
With emotions passionate, unsugar-coated, raw,
I’ll give it my all!
This is who I am,
If others don’t like it,
I don’t give a damn!
There’s nothing they say or do about it,
I’ll die a poet!!! 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

This is about my passion for writing poetry. :)

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Scattered Rainbows

It’s a sunny, calm afternoon. We’re sitting on top of a spacious hill looking over the huge school building. The spring grass has been freshly cut and is the lightest green. The sky is brightest blue and the dazzling sun is shining through the fluffy clouds with all types of colors surrounding them. The warm sun is also hitting our faces, giving me a sense of peace. We’re supposed to be at school in math class but you always have ways to make me break some of the rules.

Since the fifth grade, you, Patrick Healings and I, Rebecca Gullveig have been practically attached to the hip. We did everything together and swore to be best friends forever. You didn’t care that I had cerebral palsy and was in a wheelchair, and I didn’t care that you had dyslexia and sometimes needed help with reading. We took care of each other. It was us against the world.  Back then you were like an older brother but now we’re older and in ninth grade. I’ve secretly began to feel more deeper feelings for you than just friendship and noticing other things about you; things like your incredible smile that makes my stomach fill up with butterflies, your forget-me-not blue eyes that light up like fireworks when you laugh, the way you always want to protect me, and the warmth and tightness of your embrace when we hug. I haven’t told you yet of course but my feelings have been getting stronger every day.

Now we’re dancing playfully on the hill with you twirling, dipping my wheelchair. Sometimes it feels like I’ll tip over at any moment but you catch me each time. I know that you won’t let anything bad happen to me. My heart is racing and I’m laughing loudly. As you continue to spin me around, I see a surreal and remarkable sight in the sky. Appearing out of nowhere, there are mini, individual, radiant rainbows scattered randomly across the sky. Each rainbow has shades of red, blue, green, violet, and pink and has a cotton ball-like cloud at their end. I’m in shock and awe. You’ve stopped spinning me to gaze up at them as well. The town hasn’t seen a drop of rain today so seeing any rainbow at all is considered peculiar but seeing so many at once is just completely bizarre.

“They are so beautiful,” I muse breathlessly.

“They sure are,” you agree.

“It looks like we’ll have a very strange spring this year,” I smile.

“Hey Rebecca, do you have a date for the spring dance on Friday?” you ask, changing the subject abruptly. I’m taken aback a little by the question.

“No, why?” I reply calmly, trying to ignore the leaping heart in my chest.

“I’m going to ask Kelsey Maurelle to the dance and I was hoping that you and I could double date, that’s all,” you explain. 

Kelsey Maurelle is so mean to you but you refuse to see it. She teases you behind your back (I’ve defended you more than once) and she never acknowledges you unless she wants money for lunch. She knows that you like her and she uses it to her full advantage. Still, you think that she’s an absolute angel. I see one of the rainbows to the right go dim and its cloud darken slightly at the mention of her name. I hold back laughter. Instead of getting catty and listing all of the reasons why you shouldn't ask her, I tell a little white lie.

“Patrick, I think that I heard some guy ask her already before biology today,” I tell you.

“I bet that it was that Stephen guy, wasn’t it?” you sigh. I just shrug my shoulders. 

“I’m so sorry,” I say softly. You look so disappointed that I’m wondering if I did the right thing.

“It’s alright,” you sigh again, “I didn’t have a chance in hell with her anyway.”

“That’s not true…,” I say, hating the discouraged look on your face and for some reason, also loathing the rainbow that is getting darker now, on the verge of being purely black.    

Then an idea comes to me. I say, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, “Hey, I have a crazy idea. Why don’t you and I go to the dance instead?”

“Together?” you ask.

“Yeah, why not?” I reply with humor, “You’re cooler than any other guy at school. Do you really want me just to take a loser that I barely know?”

You chuckle and still smiling, you say, “No and I guess that you’re the coolest girl I know, so sure, let’s go to the dance and party!”

“Awesomeness,” I smile. We then both laugh at ourselves. When I look at the rainbow on the right again, it’s brightening up once more. I feel beyond giddy about going to the dance with you but I hide it. Just then, the school bell for the end of that hour rings in the distance.

“We better head back before we get caught,” I say.

“Okay,” you agree. We gaze up at the abnormal rainbows for a moment again before leaving. Then you go behind me to help me down the hill. As we head towards the school, the rainbows slowly disappear except for one. It’s the one rainbow on the right. It suddenly begins to grow large and its astonishing colors expand over us and we go under it like a bridge. 

The rainbow won’t leave after that day. It’s there for the rest of our high school years, it’s there when our friendship turns into true love, it’s there for our wedding, and it’s there for us to show our children. People say that there’s a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow but we’ve had something more precious than gold. I believe that love can be found underneath a magical rainbow or anywhere else people least expect.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

This is based off a dream that I had the other morning. :) 

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Pretentious Peril


In a time of pretentious peril, people are packed, piled away in a peculiar prison.
Their ruler says: “It is a way to keep you safe” but it’s really a way to make them slaves.
Circular, pitch black, cold, and underground,
there is enough fear to go around.
They aren’t allowed to come out, to see light until they lose their will to fight.

As the weeks pass by, Blood gushes, blood splashes.
Hunger and insanity is slowly making everyone become back-stabbers.
Death is spreading doom, dread, leading the damned into the devilish darkness.
Women weep, children screech,
for hope is getting more and more difficult to see. 

Saints become demons,
committing deeds so horrific.
Vegetarians become vampric,
lusting after murder;  
their souls being in complete torture.

A mother scolds her teenage daughter, telling her not to cry,
for crying is a sign of weakness, senselessness;
but the daughter cries in a corner anyway.
Emotion means her compassion hasn’t been taken away.
She refuses to be an empty shell;
She wants to be feeling everything in this hell. 

Only when people are on the verge of being zombies, their ruler will set them free.
The people will fall onto knees and obey.
The dead will then pray for living,
giving them back the drive to survive again.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

On my online poetry class, we were studying alliteration (repeating first syllables) and assonance (repeating vowel sounds). I wrote this for my assignment. 

Security Blanket


Like a child with their security blanket, I tightly clung onto the sweet memories of you. You were my prince charming-like crush. I knew that you were the only one who wouldn’t ever hurt me so you became permanently imprinted in my mind. With a smile warmer than the summer sun, you were the happy thought that I always escaped to when reality became too overwhelming. Now, seeing you holding her, I realize that it’s time to let go of my security blanket and let you grow up. You’ll always have a special place in my heart but I’m moving on. I need to stop hiding in a fantasy that won’t come true just because of insecurity.  You’re my best friend now and I only want you to be happy. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

I was remembering things while I was listening to an old play list.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

the Light From Within

the Light From Within 

It was two-thirty A.M. and the world was asleep. Twenty-five-year-old Rosetta quietly got dressed and was now packing her bags hurriedly before her forty-eight-year-old fiancé William woke up. Her parents tried to warn her a year ago that this relationship was going to end up destructive because of the tremendous age difference and his dominating character but there was no practical reasoning on Rosetta’s part. She just didn’t want to be alone. Even though he never raised a hand to her, she was his verbal punching bag. He was very insecure and made sure that she felt like she was less than him. He would say, “You’ll be nothing without me and you know it baby. You don’t need anyone else.”

He also wouldn’t let her out of his sight. He acted like bratty, selfish, little boy with a shiny, new toy. She was his only. He would say, “You’re always be mine baby…forever!” Those words always left her cold inside and out.

Rosetta never had the strength to leave him until she saw something enlightening the day before. She and William were relaxing on the freshly green grass of the park. William fell asleep on the blanket and she crept to the walking trail. Colorful flowers and tall trees surrounded her and being in the spring air, she was reminded of a less complicated time. When she was little, her dad used to tell her that fairies protect the trees in the park and if she would make a wish on a tree, the fairies would make it come true. She giggled at her childhood fantasies and in despite of herself, she wished aloud, “I wish that William would leave me alone.” Just then, something was moving about in the bushes and she heard a small yelp. She stepped back a bit in fear. A tiny creature then rolled from the bush and laid on its back. It just looked like some insect from afar but as Rosetta came closer to the thing, she saw the bruised but elegant face, the petite figure of a female, and the extraordinary, glittery wings.

“A fairy,” Rosetta uttered softly in amazement.

The young fairy had brunette hair and evergreen eyes like Rosetta, the fairy’s dress was green leaf which was now torn, and her beautiful face had bruises and scratches, and blood was gushing from her forehead and lip. The fairy was extremely injured and was moving slowly but it seemed like she was refusing to show tears. Rosetta was about to help the fairy when two male, older, muscular, fearsome fairies swooped down out of nowhere and pushed her off of her feet. With heartless smiles, the two males began to brutally kick, punch, and smack the female fairy, calling her “Weak!” When she tried to fight back, one of them would hold her down.

“No!” Rosetta cried out. She thought that the fairy was going die but then she saw the fairy’s face turn from agony to complete determination. The fairy punched the ground and with all of the strength she had, she yelled, “STOP!” Her tiny voice echoed through the trees, initiating a huge, booming explosion of glorious light from her soul.  Rosetta ducked in a ball to take cover but the light felt so warm and comforting to her. When the light finally evaporated, Rosetta saw that the two males were nothing but dust now and the female fairy was standing up. Despite her injuries, she smiled at Rosetta brightly and just flew away. Rosetta sat down on the ground in awe of what just happened.

“That little fairy defeated those jerks,” she mused, “all she had, besides magic, been a hell whole lot of courage.” This thought finally got her thinking. At the same moment she heard William bellowing her name. 

Now the clock was striking three and her bags were all packed. She took off the engagement ring and left it on the dresser. She was now standing at the door with a shaky hand on knob. She began to second guess herself. Will she able to handle being on her own? Was he right? Will she be a nobody without him? She then heard a tab on the window. She looked and it was the battered fairy. The fairy smiled warmly and nodded her head in encouragement. Rosetta suddenly envisioned the incredible explosion of light in her mind and confidently said, “This stops tonight.” She took a breath and turned the knob. With her head help up high, she inhaled the night air and marched out of the house, quickly stepping into her purple mustang. She threw her bags in the passenger seat and backed out of the driveway without another thought. William didn’t even notice that she was gone until the wheels squealed as she drove away. She never looked back ever since then. The fairy, whom Rosetta later learned was named Shaylee, followed her and became her fairy guardian. Rosetta finally found her happiness and she vowed to never let another man hold her down, for Shaylee had showed her every being has a light within them that can’t be ignored. With that light, no one is weak or alone. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Monday, March 26, 2012

the Torn Girl

Once upon a time,
there was a girl who was completely torn.
She had a man that told that he loved her;
vowed that he would die without her but she was doubting forever,
for her heart was longing for another.
Even though she really cared,
even though she would never hurt him,
he wasn’t the one in her daydreams.

She was mesmerized by the tattooed soldier with a magical smile;
the charming soldier that she loved from afar.
He wasn’t like the others.
Fun and captivating, the kind of romance that she desired.
The soldier then went bravely off to war and her lonely soul ended up in the arms of her anxious lover.

Now as the horror went on outside of her door,
she looked at her overprotective lover,
wishing that he was the breathtaking soldier.
In her mind she would confess her true devotion and ask:
“Why can’t you be him?
Why can’t you love me like he loves me?
Can’t you see that we’re meant to be?
Oh please,
all I wish for is you,
your face haunts me no matter what I do.”

She wanted to run through the trenches;
to her soldier but her fear took over.
What if everyone abandoned her?
Being alone is what she couldn’t bear.
Her overbearing lover is all she had.
As the bombs went off, she silently screamed.
She was trapped…trapped…trapped!

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

About a fictional love triangle


My poem "Phantom in My Head" is published in World Poetry Movement's "Stars in Our Hearts: Tranquility"

Thursday, March 8, 2012

the Giggling Girl

She’s walking almost in a daze. It was nearing midnight and eighteen-year-old Bethany was still out in her mother’s garden. She had dizzying, frustrating thoughts of heartbreaks, failures, and back-stabbing friends that prevented her from sleeping. “What if I did this,” she thought, “What if I said that?” It was an agonizing cycle of questions about things in life that she couldn’t control. She then thought desperately, “I would give anything just to be a little kid again so I could be oblivious to everything or at lease change some things.”  She was on the verge of tears when she heard a little girl’s giggle.
“Who’s there?” she called out, turning on the flashlight that she was holding. No one answered. She just stood there for a moment and she heard the mischievous giggle again. It was coming from her mother’s labyrinth. Most people thought that it was strange that her mother actually wanted a labyrinth in the backyard but Bethany thought that it was cool and she had mastered it over the years.  The labyrinth was medium-sized but very tall and was made with gray, massive stone.
The little girl with curly, brown hair, who looked five or six and wore a blue, frilly dress, stood at the entrance of the labyrinth with her hand stretched out. The girl looked so similar to Bethany but she had no clue from where.   “Are you lost?” she asked the girl. The girl didn’t say anything, just giggled and ran into the labyrinth.
“Wait,” Bethany exclaimed, running in after her. The labyrinth seemed more closed-in than usual but she thought that it was just because it was in the middle of the night and her nerves out of whack.  She went through the labyrinth, zigzagging, going right then left. Even though she knew this labyrinth like the back of her hand, she was running into dead end after dead end and she couldn’t catch up to the girl. She would get a glimpse of the girl from only steps away but when she got close, the girl would be suddenly gone.
“What the hell,” she yelled in frustration. Resting for a moment, she leaned back against a stone.  Then the girl came out of nowhere and was now standing next to Bethany, making her jump out of her skin. She gasped, “Whoa!” She dropped the flashlight but caught it in time so it didn’t hit the ground and break. Light shining on the girl, Bethany got a good look of the girl and became pale with shock, smashing the flashlight at her feet.
The little girl was a mirrored image of Bethany from long ago, at age six. She had her curly, black hair, her freckles that she used to get every summer, and the blue dress that her aunt gave her. Bethany got goose bumps and fear possessed her. “This has to be a dream,” she thought, “or I’m finally going crazy.”
“You’re…” she uttered but being unable to speak.
“Come on,” giggled the six-year-old Bethany, grabbing her hand, “my friend wants to meet you!” Being speechless and in a trance, she let her young clone drag her along. She was led to an opening in the labyrinth that she never saw before and it looked like they stepped into a different dimension; the sky being blood red, three moons and suns shining, the trees dying all around, and the temperature was incredibly hot, causing steam to come up out from the ground. Then she saw a tall man dressed in red.
“Who’s that?” she asked.
“My friend,” replied the child version of herself.
“Who is he though?” she asked.
“Satan.” Bethany’s heart practically stopped when her child self said the name. She tried to pull back but her tiny double had amazing strength. As they approached, she saw that the man was tanned, had black hair and mustache, bared horrific fangs behind an inviting smile, and fiery red eyes that were ablaze in the dark. Bethany began screaming hysterically as they got closer and closer.
“Quiet my dear Bethany,” said Satan, “I want to help you.”
“I don’t want your help!” she replied angrily. 
“But you said that you would give anything to be a child again,” he said happily.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, her voice now shaking, “You can’t turn me back into a child and besides, I know what ‘anything’ means. You just want my soul!”
“Not just your soul,” he smiled, “and no, I can’t turn you back into a child but with some assistance from my little helper, I can change your past and future.” He was pointing to her clone who was beaming.
“What?” she exclaimed.
“I can make her back to your past and she could relive your life for you,” Satan explained, “and I can give her different circumstances, different experiences so she couldn’t make any of your mistakes and your life will worth something…but for her to do that for you, you have to be my slave.” 
“NO,” she shouted, “I DON’T WANT OR NEED YOUR HELP!” She tried to run away but shadowy hands came up out from scorching ground and grabbed her ankles, dragging her back. She screamed and screamed in agony. She was trying to fight the hands, digging her nails in the dirt but it was no use.
“I was going to give this chance as a gift,” said Satan when the demonic hands brought her back, “but I think that I won’t give you an option. You messed up your life and you know it. You’re such a loser that it makes me ill! She’ll live out your life better than you!” He then slapped Bethany in the face and clapped his two hands in the air.
Dark clouds began to surround her, making it difficult to breathe and see. It also felt like a million hands were crushing her ribcage but she couldn’t scream out. She could only hear Satan and her clone talking.
“Are you ready?” asked Satan.
“Yeah,” she giggled. Satan snapped his fingers and suddenly the girl was gone in smoke. All that Bethany could hear now was the girl’s giggles echoing in her mind. Bethany then disappeared into the hellish unknown with Satan and was never missed or even remembered. Her life was taken over.    

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Smashing the Mirror

I am standing in front of a smashed mirror.
The glass is cracked and pieces are everywhere on the floor;
My reflection is distorted, so beyond repair.
Blood drips off of the broken glass as angry tears fill my eyes.
My closed fist has deep cuts from trying to punch out a person that I sometimes hate,
a pathetic soul that tries to hide from her own life.

It’s the woman crying in the mirror.
She is possessed with loneliness and fear.
She still feels like a helpless little girl,
not knowing who she can trust anymore.
Her heart has been abused by insecurity and betrayal. 
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who is the most lost of them all?

I loathe what she is becoming,
She believes that her spirit has been shot down
but I swear, she will remember how to fight again.
I will remind her after the tears, she won’t hurt forever.
The happy thoughts are waiting for her
and I will be smiling into a whole new mirror.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Very therapeutic.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


My name is Wendy Kyle. It was always a never-ending, dark battle with my so-called friends Gerald and Tiffany. One moment, we were like a close second family and in a blink of an eye, we were worse enemies. Hateful words were their weapons of choice. When we would fight, they would point out my every flaw and put salt on old wounds until I was a spineless jellyfish.  I was always walking on egg shells around them and tried to do everything to keep them happy. Even when I was five, when we first met, I had to prove myself worthy to be their friend.
 When I met them I was the new girl and the youngest at school, having trouble making friends. I felt like everyone hated me and I was easily picked on. One day, our teacher Ms. Ploster left the room for a moment during art time. On my way getting my paint, I caught six-year-old sister and brother, Tiffany and Gerald drawing all over on the classroom walls. I gasped in shock and Tiffany quickly turned around to face me. She smiled mischievously and said in a fake nice tone, “Wanna help us?” She handed me a red crayon and Gerald smiled knowingly back at Tiffany. I knew that it was wrong but I thought that they were being friendly. I took the crayon and timidly drew a heart on the wall. Footsteps were approaching and I fearfully looked over my shoulder. They told me that it was no one but when I wasn’t looking, they ran away.
“Wendy,” exclaimed Ms. Ploster, “Did you do all of this?!” I looked around and I saw Gerald and Tiffany hiding in the corner.
Gerald mouthed, “Do you want to be our friends or not?” I stared at them for a second. They seemed kind but had a wicked sparkle in their eyes. I was so desperate for some friends that I made a stupid decision.
“Yes,” I told Ms. Ploster, “I did it.” I was sent to the principal’s office, was made to clean the walls, and even my mom and dad grounded me from the television for a week but I thought that Gerald and Tiffany were my friends now.
Years later in high school, they made me do more serious and dangerous things with them like shop lifting, stealing from our parents, dealing drugs, and Gerald even took me to prom for helping them rob an elderly woman. I knew that these things were wrong but I was their puppet and they pulled the strings. Even though we never got caught for these horrible things somehow, I was expected to take all of the blame for it if we did. I sometimes got the guts to say no to them but they gave me hell. Playing with my insecurities, they completely tore down my self-esteem by saying that I was nothing but shit without them. Then they would shun me, not talking to me, not even acknowledging that we were ever friends. Despite my efforts to remain strong, the loneliness would always become too overwhelming and eventually I would cave in. We would then go back to normal.  
Now I was twenty-one. I was going to college, working on a creative writing major and an art major.  Gerald and Tiffany went to school for a semester and just dropped out. Now they both worked at the general store. Since the first day of college, I was focused and constantly worked on homework. I’ve had been too busy to tag along with them and began to have the courage to say no more and more. College gave me confidence. I expected to have a big fight with them soon but surprisingly they tolerated my absence. Things seemed to be changing…well, that was until Valentine’s Day. 
It was a bitterly cold Valentine’s Day with snowflakes violently blowing in my face as I walked to their house. I was just drop off their Valentine’s Day gifts that I got them and go to the library but when I got there, it was as though they were waiting for me and they made me sit down for a while. Looking around, I noticed that we were alone. At first, we were just casually talking but then both of their faces became ominous.   
“Life has been miserable Wendy,” said Tiffany.
“Why?” I asked uncomfortably.
“Cause our freakin’ parents won’t give us extra money,” sneered Gerald, “so I was thinking that you could help us rob…”
“No,” I said firmly, standing up and not letting him finish, “I’m not robbing anyone, any place anymore. I can let borrow some money. How much do you guys need?” Before I knew what happening, Gerald slapped me across the cheek with incredible force, making me fall back.
Fighting back my stinging tears, I still said, “No I won’t.”
He then practically pounced on me and punched me repeatedly in the face while Tiffany was off to the side, kicking me in the ribs. I tried to get away but Gerald pinned me down. “YOU UNGRATEFUL,” they both spat at me as they beat, “WEAK, USELESS, DUMB LITTLE WITCH!” Blood was gushing excessively from my face and my whole body was in total agony but I wouldn’t let them see me cry. I wasn’t that pathetic girl anymore. Their eyes looked empty, so evil. Seeing their venomous souls, something snapped within me and amazing strength filled me.
I kneed Gerald in the groin and pushed Tiffany down with a free hand in one move. They both howled in pain. I got to my feet and ran into the kitchen.  I got a butcher knife from the block, the metal making a loud scraping sound. I wasn’t just trying to escape; now I wanted revenge. Gerald came at me and to his absolute shock, I shoved the blade into his gut. “This stops here,” I said in a low, confident tone. He stumbled back and fell onto the ground. Tiffany screamed and tried to attack me too but I punch her down. She was now weeping over her brother. He wasn’t dead, only badly injured and bleeding profusely. Without saying another word, I pulled out the blade from him and calmly washed my hands at the sink. Taking the knife with me, I was heading towards the door. 
“Where are you going?” asked Tiffany. I ignored her and kept on walking.
“Are you going to help your friend?” Tiffany asked hysterically, “Are you coming back with help?”
As I continued to walk, I sardonically said, “Don’t hold your breath.” I then walked out of their house, out into freedom and not ever knowing or caring what had become of them. I was no longer controlled.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Fire Karen Handel!

Dear Friend,

Last week, Susan G. Komen for the Cure reversed its decision to defund a
Planned Parenthood program that gave millions of low-income women access
to breast cancer screenings.

While their decision was a victory for the millions of men and women who
joined together to demand change, the woman behind the attack on Planned
Parenthood, Karen Handel, is still in a senior position at Susan G. Komen.

What's more, the members of the board who hired her and approved of policy
change aimed at defunding Planned Parenthood need to be replaced with new
board members whose number one priority is fighting breast cancer, not
playing politics.

I told Susan G. Komen: Fire Karen Handel and appoint new board members who
are truly committed to the foundation's mission of doing everything
possible to fight breast cancer. I hope you will too. You can sign the
petition and get more information at the link below.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Don't Throw Planned Parenthood Under the Bus

Dear Friends,

The Republican plan to defund Planned Parenthood is working -- but if we take action now we may be able to stop the latest attack on women's right to health care.

It was just announced that Susan G. Komen for a Cure, America's largest charity to fight breast cancer, will no longer fund a program that provides free or low-cost breast cancer screenings for millions of women who get their health care from Planned Parenthood.

In abruptly pulling nearly $1,000,000 in funding for breast cancer
screenings, Susan G. Koman foundation cited a sham "investigation" into Planned Parenthood launched by Republican Rep. Cliff Stearns, one of the most militant anti-choice members of Congress.2 We have to stand up and fiercely defend Planned Parenthood -- and show Susan G. Komen and others who are considering caving to the radical right that we will not let
extremists defund health care for women that includes reproductive services.

I told the board of Susan G. Komen: Don't throw Planned Parenthood under the bus! Don't cave to anti-woman extremists and cut off funding for breast cancer screenings at the largest provider of health care for women.
I hope you will too. You can get more information and sign the petition at the link below.

Monday, January 30, 2012

the Solitary Prayer


Dear God, Our Heavenly Father,
please protect and hold me tightly in your loving arms,
when I’m feeling afraid, alone, and low;
needing to be reminded of the light.
Please be that warm comfort at night.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

Popped in my head last night (: