Monday, November 11, 2013

Happy Birthday Steven!

Hi Steven,

Happy birthday! How are you? Are you partying up there? I’m great, finally finishing my book. I was just thinking about you today. I remember how we ate White Castles almost on your every birthday, how your face lit up when I got you those hockey cards for Christmas. I miss your voice, your sweet smile but I know that you still watch over us. We love you and always will.   

Thursday, October 10, 2013

beyond Imagination


Beyond Imagination 

On a dark Halloween night, under a blood moon, I’m deep in the woods, dancing madly with the most evil of creatures. Zombies with their slimy, rotting flesh crave for human brains, as they move aimlessly in circles. Being only shadow figures, faceless demons whisper alluring, deceitful promises, as they waltz about. Vampires twirl seductively, their sharp fangs bright, as they call out for their victims. Dark sorceresses and sorcerers with their long, red, flowing robes conjure up the depths of Hell, as screaming wraiths hover above us.   

The evil then spreads beyond the woods, beyond imagination. Jason Voorhees decapitates a group of local campers with his great, lethal machete. Haunting her nightmares, Freddy Krueger slashes tiny Alice’s tummy, disemboweling the innocent sleeper; all the while Chucky the doll is asking all of the little kiddies to come out and play, luring them to their graves.

Why is an ordinary, harmless woman like me associating with such evil? You better look again. Do you see my eyes? They are glowing hellish red. Do you see my smile? It is a wide, soulless, Jack-o'-lantern-like grin. Now look closer. Do you see the huge butcher knife that is dripping blood in my hand? This is the part where you run feebly, where you scream for help but no one comes. It’s no use. I will get you, gut you like a fish, hang you in a nearby tree, and continue dancing madly, as your body decays. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013

Happy Halloween! ;-) 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Wonderland Camp, Fall 2013

Last weekend I went to Wonderland Camp and I had a blast! I saw my old friends: Chelsea, Brandi, Alena, Dustin, Brad, Angie, Ben, Morgan, Ann, Kortney, and Jason. I also made new friends: Cookie, Brooke, Gianna, and Mindy. When I first got there on Friday, we watched the movie ‘Up’. It was cute as always. After dinner, we had a campfire. The fire was very bright and smoky in the night air. We sang camp songs, told silly, “scary” stories,  and Dustin sang and played his guitar. Then, we had s’mores. They were all kinds of gooey, chocolaty goodness.

On Saturday, it was raining cats and dogs. After breakfast, we had inside activities. Being silly, Cookie and I chased Brad around the dining hall. It was so hilarious! :) Then, we did crafts. I painted a pumpkin and made a paper, three-eyed scarecrow.  We also had face-painting.  I had my whole face painted like a zombie with fake scars and blood. It was very cool.

Later, at rest time, I laid in my bed for once but Chelsea and I were texting and calling Scott, bugging him. Everyone in my cabin was laughing. Then, after snack, back in the dining hall, Dustin made up a game called Karaoke Roulette. We picked a random track and without knowing what song it was, we sang it. It was quite funny and ironic when I got a Jonas Brothers’ song, considering I think that they’re a poor excuse for a boy band, lol :) . While I was still hanging out in the dining hall, Scott surprised me and came to visit me with his friend. I was so happy to see him. He stayed for dinner.     

After dinner, the dance began. I wore my favorite purple top, black Mary Janes, and skinny blue jeans. I also wore my favorite glittery, purple eye shadow and red lipstick. The dining hall was filled with balloons and the technicolored lights were spinning, as the music was blasting through the camp’s old speakers. I danced with Brad, Cookie, and other friends. I also loved twirling, making myself dizzy and tickling the inside of my stomach. The night was amazing!

On Sunday, it was time to go home. Last days of camp go way too fast. I was hanging out with Brad after breakfast and before I knew it, Mom and Dad arrived. Last weekend was awesome!! I can’t wait for next summer and fall to see all of my friends! Wonderland Camp will always be on the top of my list of splendid places.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Different Ways

Different Ways

There’s no such thing as “disabled”,
Only different ways of living.
No one is a victim,
If they keep on fighting.
With the truest belief deep in your heart,

Your dreams will someday be awakened. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

I don't like to use the term disabled anymore because I'm able to do a lot despite my condition. I want to tell anyone with physical or mental challenges to don't give up..ever.     

Monday, August 19, 2013

Wonderland Camp, August 2013

Last week, I went to Wonderland Camp and as always, I had a blast! I saw my old friends: Michelle, Victoria, Alena, Jason, Kortney, Taylor, Kristie, Jeff, Ben, Brad, Dustin, Kayla S., Kayla W., Mary, and Morgan. I also made some new friends: Jeffrey, Brittany, Mandi, “Herbie”, Crystal, and Sara. On Sunday, We had a pool party. It was ice cold but Kortney and I went in anyway. Herbie and Michelle were so sweet and tried not to let us get too chilled. The camp wasn’t as busy with people as before but it still had the welcoming feeling that I love. I was so happy to be back.

On Monday morning, it was very stormy. I was watching the rain and in my Edward Cullen loving mind, the camp reminded me of cloudy Forks like in Twilight, which was sort of cool. What can I say? I have a vivid imagination and I love those books. For the most of that morning after breakfast, people napped but Kortney and I had our own fun, talking and coloring.

Later that day, the sun finally came out and we went to Crafts. We tie-dyed our shirts. My shirt had a splattered design. Michelle splashed every color on my shirt with her hand. It looked so cool and unique. Then that afternoon, my cabin hung out in the tree house. I love it up there. Because it’s so high, it always feels like I’m flying and the view is incredible. Listening to music, we played Truth or Dare and other games. We even ate dinner up there. We all had a relaxing time.  

For the evening activity, we had a movie night. My cabin went to the movie with our pajamas on and I put soda in my water bottle so I had something sweet to drink. We watched “Night at the Museum”.  I’ve watched that movie a dozen of times (most times probably at camp) but it was cute. After the movie, my cabin went on a scavenger hunt to get our snack. It was quite an adventure. Who knew that camp could get that dark? Using our flashlights, we went all over camp up to the tree house. Kortney got lost in the dark once and laughing, I lit a path for her with my flashlight.        

On Tuesday morning after breakfast, we had pool time. Kortney and I just laid our chairs back and tanned by the pool. The sun was warm and soothing while we sipped on drinks (me with my remaining coffee and Kortney with her Dr. Pepper). Later that day, we had Rec and Crafts. In Crafts, we had a choice of making scarecrow, or a snowman, or a ghost (because that week’s theme was “all holidays”). I chose to make a ghost and Kayla S. helped me. I drew a scary face on it, which made Kayla and I laugh. In Rec, we had mummy races. We got wrapped with toilet paper and we had to run across the field. It was so funny. Some paper fell over my eyes and I had to tear it off of my face while I was racing. Then after the race, we just played soccer.

During the evening, it was karaoke. Everyone was excited to sing. I sang Taylor Swift’s “Love Story”. Then I danced and hung out with friends.  There was also people dressed as clowns outside, face painting and making balloon animals. Michelle got me a purple balloon dog.  It was a fun night.

On Wednesday morning, we took a hayride through the woods, down to the water front.  At the water front, we rode the boat and as always, the bouncy waves rocked me to sleep on Kortney’s shoulder. Later that day, Michelle and I hung out in the game room and listened to the jukebox. We were singing and acting goofy.

Then that evening, the talent show started. Brad was hilarious when he pumped up the crowd. It was impossible not to cheer or smile. In the show, there were a lot of hysterical, adorable skits, where a camper ‘married’ a counselor and Brad conducted ‘the ceremony’. (I wish that I’d thought of that a couple of years  ago, lol). For my talent, I sang Britney Spears’ “Lucky”. I also sang Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus, Take the wheel” with Sara and Crystal.  The talent shows are always entertaining.

On Thursday morning, we just hung out mainly. During breakfast, they told me that I had a “surprise” coming. I had a hunch that Joe was visiting but they wouldn’t tell me until lunchtime. He got there at nap time while I was hanging out outside. I was thrilled to see him! I gave him a big hug, dropping my pen and journal that I was holding.  Brittany and Kortney were laughing because I couldn’t stop smiling. We talked throughout nap time and he had everyone outside cracking up. He stayed for dinner and of course for the dance.

For the dance, I wore a black and white top, my favorite pair of skinny jeans, my favorite pair of black shoes, and I had my hair spiked. When the dance finally started, Joe drove me to the dining hall. He spun me in circles, the colors of the bright lights blurring together and my stomach being tickled from the inside.  Singing, he also took me out of my chair and danced with me, which was awesome! I was grinning from ear to ear. I’ll never forget it. I spent the whole night with him. The night was downright amazing!!

On Friday, it was bittersweet. Even though I was exhausted, I didn’t really want to leave. The week had been such fun and it was great to see my friends. I didn’t want it to end but I knew that Wonderland Camp will always be there for me to make more memories. I’ll be back in the fall and new stories will be told.

Thursday, July 18, 2013



I fantasize about being in the crook of your arm,
being completely spellbound by your charm.
I gawk at old pictures,
listening to the silly play list that I made so many summers ago
with the songs that I can still sing over and over.
I can’t help it, I have to giggle.
You walk by and I’m mesmerized by the twinkle in your eyes.
The moment that you’re next to me,
my stomach fills with a rabble of butterflies.
The high when I’m with you feels so beautiful;
My friends just shake their heads and ask: “Really…still?”

Like idolizing a real superhero,
I admire everything that you do.
In my eyes, you’re perfect through and through.
I had never changed how I feel;
My dad just raises his eyebrow and asks: “Really…still?”

You’re who Taylor Swift is singing about,
You’re my Ethan Wate;
The boy who is willing to sacrifice everything,
when everyone stops believing.
You never let me go dark,
catching me when my hopes go downhill.
You’re on every page of my notebook;
And for anyone who dares to look,

I’ll answer: “Yes, really…still.”       

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

I was thinking about someone while writing this but it's just a fun, summertime love poem. 

Ethan Wate is a character from the "Beautiful Creatures" book series by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl. Ethan is the ideal boyfriend to me. :) 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

RIP Cory Monteith

I've been a fan of Glee since January and I was truly sad to read that Cory Monteith, who played Finn on the show, had passed away. He was a good singer and actor. Also, he seemed like a cool, nice guy on all the interviews that I've seen. I really hope that the media won't taint his memory with lies; have some respect for his family, friends, and fans. All Gleeks will miss him. 

Monday, June 17, 2013

Wonderland Camp, June 2013

Last week, I went to Wonderland Camp and it was such fun. I saw my old friends: Faith, Dustin, Alena, Angie, Michelle, Justin, Austin, Chris, JJ, Kortney, and Jason. I met new friends too: Brandi, Chelsea, Taylor, Josh, Brad,  and Megan.  My friend Scott also came to visit me for a day on Sunday and I was very excited. It was so, so, so nice to see him again!! He gave me a cool looking hat that had my name on it, which I wore the rest of the week. On Sunday, we had a pool party but it felt like swimming in ice water so I hung out at the campfire. First days at camp always make me so happy. It’s like a welcoming party at my second home.

On Monday, after a long and winding walk to the water front, we rode the boat. At first, Kortney and I were giggling and joking. Then, because the waves were so relaxing, we fell asleep on each other’s shoulders. Later, in Music, we played musical squares (like musical chairs) and we pretended that we were in the jungle. Then, Crafts, we tie-dyed our shirts. My shirt was blue and red, attempting to make purple (the attempt failed but the shirt was still cool).

 After dinner, that evening, we had karaoke night. While Chelsea held the microphone, I sang Madonna’s “Like a Prayer”. It was great! I also danced and hung out with friends. As a joke, Brad took my hat and Kortney, JJ, Josh, and I chased him around. It was so funny.

On Tuesday morning, we had pool time. Kortney and I went to the splash pad, Wonderland’s mini water park. There were all kinds of sprinklers of all sizes everywhere. Someone would run with us through the water and we loved it! After hours of complete fun, it was rest time. I sat outside with Faith, talked, wrote in my journal, and watched people. I love watching the activity around camp at quiet time; watching people play basketball, laugh and walk around, or go in and out of their cabins. It makes me smile for some odd reason.

 Later, in Crafts, we made paper monkeys. The monkeys supposed to hang on doorknobs and they were sort of cute.  In Rec, we played an ice-breaker game. We got in a circle and threw a ball to each other. If the ball came to you, you had to say your name and something that you like. I said: “My name is Lena and I like Peter Pan.” (That’s all that I could think of at the time).  After dinner, it was the carnival. There were games, prizes, face painting, and snow cones. Even though it was extremely hot outside, I had a blast!

On Wednesday, in Music, we had talent show practice. I could already tell that the talent show would be fun later. For Nature, we had a scavenger hunt. We ran all over camp looking for things, which was amusing. We also got to pet a turtle at the field and it was adorable. Later, we had pool time. I went to the splash pad for a while and then hung out with Faith at the cabin.

After dinner, the talent show began. For our group talent, we did the “Cha Cha Slide”, which was hilarious. For my individual talent, I sang Britney Spears’ “Oops, I Did It Again.” All of the talents were entertaining. Every time that a good song came on, everyone in audience would get up, dance, and sing along. It felt more like an actual concert than a camp talent show. It was wonderful.

Before bed, Kortney, Faith, and I laid back and looked up at the magnificent stars. It was such a pretty night. The three of us just relaxed, talked, and made wishes on the stars. It was a good ending to the day.

On Thursday, Faith and I hung out in the game room for most of the day. We were playing our favorite songs and playing video games but it wasn’t until that afternoon that I got the most awesome surprise ever this summer!! Everyone was waking up from their rest. I was debating whether I wanted to go to Beauty Shop or not, since Faith did my hair and nails during rest time, when Angie burst in the door, saying, “Can I borrow Lena?” Then, she drove me outside without another word. I barely had time to put on shoes (I think that Chelsea only got to put one shoe on me). A group of my friends were outside, including Mary, Morgan, and Lois. They all had goofy smiles on their faces. Having no clue what was going on, I just said hi. I saw someone crouching behind Lois but I couldn’t see who it was at first.  Then, that someone stood up and walked towards me with a grin. It was Joe!!! I let out the loudest, happy squeal that I’m pretty sure that the whole camp could hear. I hadn’t seen him in two years so I was beyond ecstatic.  Being unable to say anything besides hi at that moment, I just hugged him. It was awesome seeing him. He then told me that he was staying for the dance, which made JJ and me delighted. Joe came with us to Beauty Shop and I asked him to drive me (like old times). Even though I went to Beauty Shop, I really just talked to Joe (I was planning to put on my make-up after dinner anyway). We talked about random stuff and he had me laughing as always. He also knew the words to “Lucky”, my favorite Britney Spears song, which I thought was so sweet. He then went to his car for a minute to get something and when he came back, he had something silver in his hand. It was his chain necklace. It had a cross and a tag that had a beautiful Bible verse on it. He wore it at boot camp and now he was giving it to me. It felt so cool that I was the one that he was giving his necklace to.

Later on, the dance began. I wore a lacy, blue shirt, my favorite pair of skinny jeans, my black shoes, black nail polish, blue eye shadow, and black mascara and eyeliner. My hair was also very spiked. I truly felt like a rock star! I danced with Joe and other friends. I got out of my chair more than once. I was having a blast, dancing and acting silly. All I could see were spinning lights and smiles. It was impossible not to feel jovial.  I was even more on cloud nine when Joe told me that he might volunteer in August. Everything was perfect.  After the dance, he drove my chair on high speed to my cabin. We beat Kortney. It was an hour before JJ and me went in our cabins. I don’t know how many times I hugged him bye. I just was so happy that he came and I’ll admit it, I was very hyper from the dance too. We finally said bye to Joe and went to bed. I’ll never forget that day; best time ever!!!!!!!

On Friday, the bittersweet day, everyone was packed and wearing their camp shirts. People were signing each other’s shirts and hugging. I got the Bundle O’ Fun Award for always being happy. Last week was so special to me. I saw old friends and met some great new ones. The whole week was one, big, fun adventure where anything could happen. I can’t wait to go back to my secondary home.     

Friday, May 17, 2013

If My Favorite Old Movies Were Remade

The other day, I was talking to my mom about what old movies that I would love to be remade and  one of those movies is Jim Henson’s “Labyrinth”. It’s a fantasy movie and with today’s technology, along with the classic Henson style, it would be cool. Mom thinks that it’s crazy but I think that Adam Lambert would be awesome as the Goblin King as well. David Bowie played that part in the original movie and he was outlandish and sang amazingly. Adam is a very outlandish performer and has an astounding voice. He would be perfect. Come on Brian Henson , this would be incredible!

Also, looking at creepy drawings of Alice on Flickr one day, I was talking to my friend Peter about how “Alice in Wonderland” would be a good horror movie if it was done right. I think that the majority of fairy tales shouldn’t be changed into something evil or dark at all but Alice could work. When you think about it, some of the themes in the books are sort of dark anyway like people getting beheaded.  

Monday, April 22, 2013

100 Questions

100 Questions 
You ask, “Whatcha doing?
I ask, “Whatcha thinking?”
You ask, “How’s life going?”
I say, “No clue.” “Do you know?”
Here we go,
with our silly game of one-hundred questions.
With each random question,
I learn more and more about you;
About everything to who you are and what you want to do.

Your favorite color is blue,
You just love Chinese food.
You dream of having your very own land
cause you were raised to be a hardworking man. 
Being able to be faithful is all that you want from a girl;
A girl that would always be there.
I’ve asked you many things my friend
but there is still one question remaining;
One question that I always have to stop myself from asking:
Am I the one? 

You ask, “Do you wish that you could predict the future?”
I say, “Sure, would love to know if my happily ever after is near or far.”
Then I ask, “Do you think that you’ll ever meet your dream girl?”
You say, “Don’t think she’s real, only you understand how I feel.”
Secretly wishing that I was the ideal,
I just smile.

Question upon question,
I’m still pondering,
Are we destined to be just companions or something more?
I know all about you, you know all about me
Yet, you still can’t see,
You’re the guy that I completely adore.

You ask, “Whatcha doing?”
I ask, “Whatcha thinking?”
You ask, “How’s life going?”
I say, “No clue.” “Do you know?”
And once again, here we go…
With our silly game of one-hundred questions. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

Even though I got the idea for this poem from an online chat, it's not about anyone...or is it? ;-) I'll just let you keep guessing, lol.  

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Not the Victim

Not the Victim 

For too many years,
I’ve been a damsel in distress;
Screaming for help every time that you suffocate me with cruel words.
You had the power, you held all of the cards.
My heart has painful scars;
They never fade,
Always reminding me of your hate!
But now I finally have a fighting spirit;
Telling me, “Just don’t cry and take it!”

I’m not the victim anymore,
I’ve gained the strength, the courage
because of all of the things that I’ve endured.
It’s time for me to speak up, stand my ground, fight back!
Go ahead, do your worse;
Now my soul won’t crack!
Because that all I say is “Screw you!”
No matter what you say or do,
your dictatorship is through.
The tears have finally turned into anger,
I’m not the victim anymore, I’m not your victim anymore!

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013

This poem is about standing up for yourself.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Just Hope

In a world so harsh, so cruel, it’s so easy to give up. Another news story always seem like another tragedy but I believe in the light. Let’s just hope, just smile, just show kindness to one another. 

My prayers and thoughts are with the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing. 

Saturday, March 30, 2013

I Realize

I realize how lucky I am to have such awesome family and friends. I realize that not everyone has angels on Earth to protect them and that God has truly blessed me. I find the beauty, the magic in our laughter, in our obstacles. Nothing can break me as long as love and understanding surrounds me.   

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

Happy Easter! 

Friday, February 15, 2013

A Song's Beat

A Song's Beat  
When a song’s beat is faster than my own heart,
I feel so alive.
Blaring it, singing it,
knowing what being carefree is all about.
Smile, dance;
Alone in my room or with friends,
As long as the music is on,
I wouldn’t care if the world ends,
Just keep giving me those beats!

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

This poem is about my love for music.

Friday, January 18, 2013



Thirteen-year-old Fayette “Fay” Marigold was petite for her age but had the biggest personality and mind. She was fearless, opinionated, loud, and sometimes a troublemaker with the cockiest grin which seemed to make her impish attitude stand out even more. Even though she thought that telling people was as unimportant as knowing the names of the Kardashians, she was also born with cerebral palsy. She was in a wheelchair and her speech was slightly garbled but she lived a regular life and never became a poster child for the pity party. She was actually more of an advocate for the rebellious and the smart ass.

One brisk, fall evening, she went to a Halloween carnival with her sixteen-year-old brother Warren. Fun, creepy music and the sound of children laughing and squealing surrounded them with the smell of buttery popcorn and sweet cotton candy in the air.  She and Warren were waiting in line to go on a roller-coaster. When they first arrived at the line, the ride was already going and they were only letting six people at a time go. Fay saw a lot of spooky things at that carnival but none were as beastly as the boy that was standing in front of them. The boy was much younger, around ten or eleven and he was staring a hole through her. Of course, the boy’s parents were nowhere to be found.

Fay said to the boy sarcastically, “You never saw a person in a wheelchair before, right? It’s okay, just remember to blink though or your eyes will burn.”

Warren chuckled in his throat. She didn’t think that the rude boy understood her but he did and began to pick on her.

“You talk weird,” said the boy wickedly, “Um, this ride is for normal people…only and you ain’t normal.”

“You think so,” exclaimed Fay with fake excitement, “Really?” Thanks!”

“Man, I bet that it ain’t no fun having a wheelchair girl for a sister,” said the boy to Warren, acting like she wasn’t there, “Sorry that she is like that.”

“Whatever kid,” said Warren dryly, glaring at him.

“Sorry?” Fay laughed, “Why are you sorry? Did you create cerebral palsy?”

Still ignoring her, the boy said, “I bet that she can’t do nothing on her own.”

“Shut up kid before I---!” began Warren, becoming furious, his big fists turning white. Fay stopped him with an assuring smile.

“It’s true,” she replied sardonically, “I can’t walk, I’m just one of the fastest in any wheelchair race. My handwriting is crummy, I can just type ninety words per minute on the computer. I can’t talk clearly, I’m just unafraid to speak my mind. You’re sooo right. I can’t do anything at all.” 

The boy looked puzzled. She and Warren just laughed. Then, the roller-coaster was beginning to stop and the boy gave her an evil smile. He said mockingly to her, “Uh oh, there’s five people ahead of you and only six is allowed. Looks like your brother will have to leave his wheelchair sister behind.”

She just grinned.  The ticket taker then walked by. The boy tried to give his ticket and walked on but Fay held up a blue pass and the ticket taker stopped him, letting her and Warren go in front.

“Hey,” he exclaimed, “I was here first!”

“I’m sorry,” said the ticket taker, “She has a disability pass and he needs to accompany her. You have to wait. We only so much room and I heard how you were treating this nice, young lady.”’

“But that ain’t fair,” he yelled.

“If only you were abnormal like me…,” she smiled, as Warren picked her up from her chair and helped her into the ride.

“You are only gettin’ special treatment cause you’re in a wheelchair,” he bellowed.

“Well, it pays to be the wheelchair girl,” she said cheekily, winking as the roller-coaster rolled away and leaving the little boy behind.    

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

This is a funny satire, poking fun at all of the bullies throughout my life and at myself. It was fun to write. 

Friday, January 11, 2013

Dear Steven

Dear Steven,
I feel so blessed to have known you,
To have laughed with you.
I’ll always remember your friendship that was so honest, so true. 
You meant a lot to me,
But I never said,  you never knew.

Dear Steven,
Thank you for the jokes and the ridiculous songs,
Turning any moment into complete fun.
Thank you for all of those things that we talked about at lunchtime;
Those simple, goofy conversations will always replay in my mind.

I miss you more than anything,
But I know that you wouldn’t want anyone to morn anymore;
You would want us to remember how happy you were.
The goodbye isn’t forever.
Oh dear Steven, dear Steven,
my friend, 
I know that someday, we all will be together again.   

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2013 

We all love you Steven! We think of you everyday.