Monday, June 30, 2014


By: Lena Holdman 

When you first look at me,
I might seem innocent, sane, regular.
But look closer,
Do you see the darkness in my eyes?
You’d probably see something that even I wouldn’t recognize.
This is the monster that resides in my soul.
 It chose me because I was na├»ve,
I was easy to fool because I was so curious and gullible;
My own curiosity led me to a secret hell.

It taunts me with terrifying, vile thoughts;
Disturbing images of dark desires, murder, and lust.
My own mind is impossible to trust.
The pure part of me is so frightened and confused by them,
While the demon inside craves for them to become alive!

Having complete control,
it makes me do the unthinkable.
I try to fight but it’s too powerful.
I don’t know what I’m doing when it takes over.
My righteous side blacks out,
I’m it;
A rabid, wicked, pentagram-imprinted hunter.
Tainting the weak makes my mouth water,
Helpless screams make it more fun.

After the sinful deed is done,
I come to again,
I cry, fall onto my knees,
For I see the blood on my hands and the gore at my feet.
The evil inside just begins to giggle!

Can you help me?
Do you even believe me?! 
Oh, it’s getting more hungry, more dominating.
If you’re going to save me,
please hurry!
It’s burning, scratching, gnawing;
Beyond torture!
 How much invasion can my soul endure?
Let me be killed if you have to,
Please just get someone…anyone to slay this monster!! 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014

Dark, Horror, Poetry, Metaphor 

The narrator is tortured by guilt. The "monster" is making her do bad things and for a moment, she likes doing those things until she sees what she's done. She just wants to stop being sinful. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Wonderland Camp, June 2014

Last week, I went to Wonderland Camp and I had a blast! I saw my old friends: Ann, Cookie, Brad, Scott, Kayla, Katie, Faith, Jason, Dustin, Elvis, Lena, and Alena. I also made new friends: Abby, Kate, Brittany, Kyrie, Shirley, and Kaitlin.  This year, I was in a different cabin, FHB, and it was a cool change. I was so happy that I was in the same cabin as Cookie.  

On Sunday, Kayla then Scott and his friend came to visit me. It was very nice to see both of them. Then, after dinner, Cookie and I went to the campfire and sang camp songs. There was more smoke than fire and it was funny. Every time that we would try to come closer, we weren’t able to see or began coughing. It was as thick as fog. We also took a hayride all around camp. It was a very good beginning of the week.

On Monday, we tie-dyed our camp shirts in Arts and Crafts. I tie-dyed my shirt purple and orange. In Rec, we then tossed balls into hula hoops and it was so much fun.  Later that afternoon, we tried to swim. It was very cloudy but people said that the pool water was warm so I went in despite the weather. Twenty minutes after getting in, cold rain began pouring down. We had to rush out of the pool, as I shivered uncontrollably. It was quite an adventure. After a warm shower, we hung out in the cabin and listened  to One Direction until dinner time. For Evening Activity, we played “Cabin Feud” in the dining hall. It was like Family Feud, just with camp-related questions. Our cabin didn’t win but it was still fun.

On Tuesday, we rode the boat in the morning. It was slightly brisk but the sun was out. I didn’t sleep the whole time this time and the scenery was pretty. In music, we played a game that was like Musical Chairs. There were pieces of paper around a table. When the music started playing, we went around the table. When it stopped, you had to do the action that the paper closest to you says to do, like “Act Out A Scene From Your Favorite Movie”. It was funny. In Arts and Crafts, we painted a pet rock. I painted my rock purple, red, and black. Then, after my rock, I painted my fingers to put my fingerprints on paper. For Evening Activity, it was a karaoke night. I sang “Beat of My Heart” by Hilary Duff. I then danced with everyone. After a while, Cookie and I went outside and began chasing Brad around. It’s a joke between the three of us. Cookie and I couldn’t stop laughing. Before bedtime, everyone in the cabin played a game called “Hot and Cold”. Someone hid a cup and people told the person who was finding it if they were hot or cold, which meant they were close or far away from it.  It was a great night.

On Wednesday, in Rec, we exercised and colored paper rose petals red all over camp (the week’s theme was Alice In Wonderland). In Arts and Crafts, we made Mad Hatter hats. I decorated my hat with smiley faces, hearts, stars, and puzzle pieces and it was cool. We then made flags for our group talent in the talent show. The talent show began in the evening. Cookie and I sang “Lucky” by Britney Spears and we rocked! Our whole cabin waved flags and danced to “Wave Your Flag” by K’naan and it was comical. During the whole show, I clapped, cheered, sang along, and laughed. Camp talent shows always make me happy.  

On Thursday, it rained cats and dogs throughout the morning and afternoon. We did indoor activities and watched movies but everyone was more excited about the dance. Later that afternoon, the girls had Beauty Shop. Katie painted my nails black with silver glitter. I wore gray eye shadow and dark red lipstick and she straightened my bangs. After dinner, I got dressed. I put on my long, flowing, blue and black sundress and I loved it. Then the dance began. People were bopping around, the colorful lights were shining brightly and spinning ‘round, and the music was so loud that my ears rang a little. It was awesome!! I don’t know why but sometimes being surrounded by blaring music makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine, like I’m on a sugar high. I danced with everybody. Jason even took me out of my chair and danced with me, which was so, so cool! Every moment of that night was amazing!!!

On Friday, everyone was packing, signing shirts, and taking pictures. I caught myself trying to memorize every face that morning. Fridays, like I’ve said many times before, are always are bittersweet. I know that I’ll be back and I’m happy to see my parents but it’s tough to say goodbye. Camp is my secondary home and every time that I think about it, I smile. I remember all of the laughter and each adventure, minor or major.  I also feel blessed to know such incredible people.   

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott

Living Dead GirlLiving Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was haunting, creepy, sad, and a very good read. It's about a girl who has lived with her kidnapper for five years, since she was ten. For five years, she has been abused in unimaginable ways. The kidnapper, Ray was a sick-minded monster and the girl would do anything and say anything not to make him angry. Some parts freaked me out but I couldn't put the book down.

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