Lena's Music Vid

I made a music video with random pictures just for fun. I was feeling creative. (:

Song: I Must Not Chase the Boys
Artist: Tata Young
Pictures From: Photobucket

(I do not own the rights to the music or pictures)

Wonderland Camp, June 2012

 

Last week I went to Wonderland Camp. It was a hot, fun, incredibly adventurous week. I saw my old friends Dustin, Scott, Faith, Angie, Mary, Morgan, Aaron, Hope, Ashley, Dawn, Lena (yes, there was another Lena in my cabin), Colleen, Toby, Al, and Alena.  I also made new friends Katie, Ellen, Jennifer, Cole, Jade, and Victoria. Along with the awesome camp counselors, there were also new volunteers this year. Most of them were very nice but one was less enthusiastic about camp; (I won’t say the name). I hung out with the nice ones anyway. On Sunday, we had the pool party. The water was ice cold but it was fun. Beach balls were flying and Toby brought out the water guns. Everyone was goofing around, getting soaked. It was so much fun!

On Monday, we had Rec, Nature, Arts and Crafts, and Game Room in the morning. In Rec, we got on the field and kicked around soccer balls. I was actually good at kicking. I almost kicked a ball in a goal. In Arts and Crafts, we tie-dyed our camp shirts. I made mine red and blue with a spiral. In Nature, we went up into the tree house and told stories. I like it in the tree house. It’s cool to look down and see nothing but green. In the game room, I just hung out and listened to the jukebox.

Later that afternoon, it was pool time. I went on the splash pad. The splash pad is like a mini water park with all types of sprinklers and hoses. They ran me through it while I sat in a shower chair. It was a blast!  I became obsessed with the splash pad and went there during pool time for the rest of the week.

On Monday evening, we had karaoke. I danced and hung out with Dustin, Scott, Cole, and Faith. I also sang Avril Lavigne’s “Don’t Tell Me”. The night rocked! I love my camp friends!! 

On Tuesday, we had Nature, Music, and Game Room. In Nature, we had a treasure hunt and walked down a trail. The trail seemed never-ending but it was great. The wooded, rocky area that we were in reminded me of a colorful, magical forest from one of my fantasy stories. In Music, we sat underneath the parachute and sang camp songs. With everyone from my cabin under it, it looked like a big but crowded circus tent. Then in the game room, I played a computer game.

Later that evening, we had a movie night. We watched a movie called “Heavyweights”. It was about some kids who go to fat camp and have to stand up to the mean camp director. It was funny, just a cute Disney movie.  I ate the popcorn too for once.  It tasted delicious.

On Wednesday, we went to the water front in the morning to ride the boat. The boat ride was bumpy and relaxing. I almost dozed off again. Then on the way back to the cabin, I had a slight mishap. My back wheel fell off and lost its screw. I was not happy at all but they fixed it.

Later that afternoon, we had Arts and Crafts and Music. In Arts and Crafts, we painted wind chimes. Then we got to draw anything that we wanted. I drew pictures of witches and Freddy Krueger. I’m strange, what can I say? In Music, we practiced for the talent show.

Later that evening, it was the talent show. There were a lot of entertaining skits and songs. For our group talent, we did a skit where we acted like we were on “America’s Got Talent”. Three of us were the judges, while some of us danced, some of us sang, and some of us played instruments. I sang in the skit. For my individual talent, I read a poem that I wrote called “Unmask the Witch”. I like reading my stuff aloud at camp. I’m less nervous and it’s fun. I always love the talent show but this year there was the most hilarious skit ever! Two campers had a pretend wedding. The bride danced down ‘the aisle’ and Toby acted as ‘the minster’. Goofy Toby started ‘the ceremony’ with “When I think of marriage, I think of Donkey Kong…”   Their pretend vows were like, “Promise to sit by each other at meals…Promise to dance at the dance.” Then they exchanged fanny packs and hugged. Everyone was laughing so hard.

On Thursday, it was open activities. In Nature, we shot BB guns. I shot a BB by myself once. I didn’t hit the target but it felt cool to pull the trigger on my own. In Music, we learned some new dances. In Beauty Shop, the girls got ready for the dance. I got my nails painted purple and my hair spiked up into a Mohawk. I wore a white and black top, my favorite pair of skinny jeans, my black shoes, and dark make-up.

Later, after a cool candlelit dinner, the dance started. Lights were twirling and music was booming throughout the dinning hall. I danced with everyone but the one dance that I’ll always remember is the one with Scott. With help from Faith, he took me out of my chair and slow danced with me. We danced as our friends watched and took pictures. This might sound dorky but I felt like a princess for a few moments. I don’t get to slow dance often so that was very special to me. Scott, you’re such a good friend. Thank you. The dance was amazing!

On Friday, it was awards. I got the “Cool Sunglasses Queen” award because I traded sunglasses with Dustin and I always wore them. Then after awards, we played bingo. Scott helped me. When my parents got there, Scott and Dustin walked with me to my cabin and hugged me goodbye. Last week was wonderful. Though Fridays are bittersweet, I know that Wonderland Camp will always be there. The next time that I’m there, I’ll have even more adventures.   

Dear Insecurity

 


Dear Insecurity 


Dear Insecurity,

Tonight I’m going to face my fear,

Tonight the torture ends here.

Your lies won’t break me,

I’m finally free.

Insecurity, I won’t listen to you anymore,

It’s time for me to let of the past and go towards the future.

Even though he drives me nuts at times,

he truly loves me.

He accepts me; mind, soul, and body.

I’m surrounded by only positivity.

Oh Insecurity, you were wrong,

I’ll never be alone. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

The song above is "Doesn't Everybody Want To Fall In Love" by Kristina Debarge. I do not own. 

A poem that is about having the courage to care for another despite your fears. I was just being silly with Carl too.

My Dreams

 

My Dreams 

The cynical tell me to give up on my dreams,

To keep my head out of the clouds,

to keep my feet on the ground;

But my dreams and fantasies are so precious to me.

They’re where I’m free.

One day I’ll finally spread my wings and fly.

One day the impossible will unfold in front of my eyes.

There will be no rules, limits, or walls;

My soul will have no bounds.  

I’ll do it all.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

The song/video above is by Victoria Banks. 

I believe in never giving up on your dreams no matter what. 

A Trip to the Mall...And the Elevator

My mom and I went to the mall today and I was excited. Mom willingly going to the mall is rare because she hates shopping (unlike me who would blow all of my money if I had my way :) ). We were going upstairs and headed towards the elevator. We saw that the elevator was out of order and we both sighed. I realize that to other people, this would be no big deal and they would just take the escalator but to someone who can't walk, it's slightly annoying. Mom and I wandered around Macy's, trying to find an elevator. They had one but it only went up and down the levels of that store, not the mall levels themselves. Even though it was irritating, I was still having fun and looking around. Finally, a friendly guard showed us another mall elevator. He was so nice. He's probably a cool grandpa. 


After our mini adventure, we continued our shopping. I got things like a pink and black skull book bag and an Edward Cullen t-shirt from Hot Topic. It was a very good day but the reason why I wrote this entry is to tell all malls to make sure all of their elevators are working. Handicapped people and their caregivers depend on them.   

Disobedient

Disobedient 
By: Lena Holdman


There was once a young woman who was perfectly imperfect;

a woman who was eccentrically, beautifully different.

Though everyone loved her,

they would pick out her mistakes and scold her like a child!

She was supposed to act naïve, innocent, obedient;

wear white not black.

She was expected to be concerned about what they think and jump when they said so.

She felt like an overused, broken toy.

Finally one day, she said: “I have my own mind!

Everyone has flaws,

Why do you have to pick at mine to the bone?

I’m not your puppet or slave,

I don’t have to do what anyone says!”

Then she just continued to yell: “You better burn me, this defiant witch, at the stake now,

for I’ll just do what you won’t allow.

There is no way in hell that you’ll change how I feel,

This is me, so shut up and deal!” 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

This is about rebellion and I was sort of venting a little. The song above is "Acting Out" by Ashley Tisdale. 

I'm A Poet!

I’m a poet!

I’ll say what I should and what I shouldn’t!

When I’m here with my pen and paper, I reveal what’s in my heart;

Be it sad, be it filled with rage, or be it joyful,

I’m always truthful.

With emotions passionate, unsugar-coated, raw,

I’ll give it my all!

This is who I am,

If others don’t like it,

I don’t give a damn!

There’s nothing they say or do about it,

I’ll die a poet!!! 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

This is about my passion for writing poetry. :)

Scattered Rainbows

It’s a sunny, calm afternoon. We’re sitting on top of a spacious hill looking over the huge school building. The spring grass has been freshly cut and is the lightest green. The sky is brightest blue and the dazzling sun is shining through the fluffy clouds with all types of colors surrounding them. The warm sun is also hitting our faces, giving me a sense of peace. We’re supposed to be at school in math class but you always have ways to make me break some of the rules.

Since the fifth grade, you, Patrick Healings and I, Rebecca Gullveig have been practically attached to the hip. We did everything together and swore to be best friends forever. You didn’t care that I had cerebral palsy and was in a wheelchair, and I didn’t care that you had dyslexia and sometimes needed help with reading. We took care of each other. It was us against the world.  Back then you were like an older brother but now we’re older and in ninth grade. I’ve secretly began to feel more deeper feelings for you than just friendship and noticing other things about you; things like your incredible smile that makes my stomach fill up with butterflies, your forget-me-not blue eyes that light up like fireworks when you laugh, the way you always want to protect me, and the warmth and tightness of your embrace when we hug. I haven’t told you yet of course but my feelings have been getting stronger every day.

Now we’re dancing playfully on the hill with you twirling, dipping my wheelchair. Sometimes it feels like I’ll tip over at any moment but you catch me each time. I know that you won’t let anything bad happen to me. My heart is racing and I’m laughing loudly. As you continue to spin me around, I see a surreal and remarkable sight in the sky. Appearing out of nowhere, there are mini, individual, radiant rainbows scattered randomly across the sky. Each rainbow has shades of red, blue, green, violet, and pink and has a cotton ball-like cloud at their end. I’m in shock and awe. You’ve stopped spinning me to gaze up at them as well. The town hasn’t seen a drop of rain today so seeing any rainbow at all is considered peculiar but seeing so many at once is just completely bizarre.

“They are so beautiful,” I muse breathlessly.

“They sure are,” you agree.

“It looks like we’ll have a very strange spring this year,” I smile.

“Hey Rebecca, do you have a date for the spring dance on Friday?” you ask, changing the subject abruptly. I’m taken aback a little by the question.

“No, why?” I reply calmly, trying to ignore the leaping heart in my chest.

“I’m going to ask Kelsey Maurelle to the dance and I was hoping that you and I could double date, that’s all,” you explain. 

Kelsey Maurelle is so mean to you but you refuse to see it. She teases you behind your back (I’ve defended you more than once) and she never acknowledges you unless she wants money for lunch. She knows that you like her and she uses it to her full advantage. Still, you think that she’s an absolute angel. I see one of the rainbows to the right go dim and its cloud darken slightly at the mention of her name. I hold back laughter. Instead of getting catty and listing all of the reasons why you shouldn't ask her, I tell a little white lie.

“Patrick, I think that I heard some guy ask her already before biology today,” I tell you.

“I bet that it was that Stephen guy, wasn’t it?” you sigh. I just shrug my shoulders. 

“I’m so sorry,” I say softly. You look so disappointed that I’m wondering if I did the right thing.

“It’s alright,” you sigh again, “I didn’t have a chance in hell with her anyway.”

“That’s not true…,” I say, hating the discouraged look on your face and for some reason, also loathing the rainbow that is getting darker now, on the verge of being purely black.    

Then an idea comes to me. I say, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, “Hey, I have a crazy idea. Why don’t you and I go to the dance instead?”

“Together?” you ask.

“Yeah, why not?” I reply with humor, “You’re cooler than any other guy at school. Do you really want me just to take a loser that I barely know?”

You chuckle and still smiling, you say, “No and I guess that you’re the coolest girl I know, so sure, let’s go to the dance and party!”

“Awesomeness,” I smile. We then both laugh at ourselves. When I look at the rainbow on the right again, it’s brightening up once more. I feel beyond giddy about going to the dance with you but I hide it. Just then, the school bell for the end of that hour rings in the distance.

“We better head back before we get caught,” I say.

“Okay,” you agree. We gaze up at the abnormal rainbows for a moment again before leaving. Then you go behind me to help me down the hill. As we head towards the school, the rainbows slowly disappear except for one. It’s the one rainbow on the right. It suddenly begins to grow large and its astonishing colors expand over us and we go under it like a bridge. 

The rainbow won’t leave after that day. It’s there for the rest of our high school years, it’s there when our friendship turns into true love, it’s there for our wedding, and it’s there for us to show our children. People say that there’s a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow but we’ve had something more precious than gold. I believe that love can be found underneath a magical rainbow or anywhere else people least expect.

   

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012

This is based off a dream that I had the other morning. :) 

Pretentious Peril

 

In a time of pretentious peril, people are packed, piled away in a peculiar prison.

Their ruler says: “It is a way to keep you safe” but it’s really a way to make them slaves.

Circular, pitch black, cold, and underground,

there is enough fear to go around.

They aren’t allowed to come out, to see light until they lose their will to fight.

As the weeks pass by, Blood gushes, blood splashes.

Hunger and insanity is slowly making everyone become back-stabbers.

Death is spreading doom, dread, leading the damned into the devilish darkness.

Women weep, children screech,

for hope is getting more and more difficult to see. 

Saints become demons,

committing deeds so horrific.

Vegetarians become vampric,

lusting after murder;  

their souls being in complete torture.

A mother scolds her teenage daughter, telling her not to cry,

for crying is a sign of weakness, senselessness;

but the daughter cries in a corner anyway.

Emotion means her compassion hasn’t been taken away.

She refuses to be an empty shell;

She wants to be feeling everything in this hell. 

Only when people are on the verge of being zombies, their ruler will set them free.

The people will fall onto knees and obey.

The dead will then pray for living,

giving them back the drive to survive again.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012


On my online poetry class, we were studying alliteration (repeating first syllables) and assonance (repeating vowel sounds). I wrote this for my assignment. 

Security Blanket

 

Like a child with their security blanket, I tightly clung onto the sweet memories of you. You were my prince charming-like crush. I knew that you were the only one who wouldn’t ever hurt me so you became permanently imprinted in my mind. With a smile warmer than the summer sun, you were the happy thought that I always escaped to when reality became too overwhelming. Now, seeing you holding her, I realize that it’s time to let go of my security blanket and let you grow up. You’ll always have a special place in my heart but I’m moving on. I need to stop hiding in a fantasy that won’t come true just because of insecurity.  You’re my best friend now and I only want you to be happy. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012 

I was remembering things while I was listening to an old play list.

the Light From Within

the Light From Within 

It was two-thirty A.M. and the world was asleep. Twenty-five-year-old Rosetta quietly got dressed and was now packing her bags hurriedly before her forty-eight-year-old fiancé William woke up. Her parents tried to warn her a year ago that this relationship was going to end up destructive because of the tremendous age difference and his dominating character but there was no practical reasoning on Rosetta’s part. She just didn’t want to be alone. Even though he never raised a hand to her, she was his verbal punching bag. He was very insecure and made sure that she felt like she was less than him. He would say, “You’ll be nothing without me and you know it baby. You don’t need anyone else.”

He also wouldn’t let her out of his sight. He acted like bratty, selfish, little boy with a shiny, new toy. She was his only. He would say, “You’re always be mine baby…forever!” Those words always left her cold inside and out.

Rosetta never had the strength to leave him until she saw something enlightening the day before. She and William were relaxing on the freshly green grass of the park. William fell asleep on the blanket and she crept to the walking trail. Colorful flowers and tall trees surrounded her and being in the spring air, she was reminded of a less complicated time. When she was little, her dad used to tell her that fairies protect the trees in the park and if she would make a wish on a tree, the fairies would make it come true. She giggled at her childhood fantasies and in despite of herself, she wished aloud, “I wish that William would leave me alone.” Just then, something was moving about in the bushes and she heard a small yelp. She stepped back a bit in fear. A tiny creature then rolled from the bush and laid on its back. It just looked like some insect from afar but as Rosetta came closer to the thing, she saw the bruised but elegant face, the petite figure of a female, and the extraordinary, glittery wings.

“A fairy,” Rosetta uttered softly in amazement.

The young fairy had brunette hair and evergreen eyes like Rosetta, the fairy’s dress was green leaf which was now torn, and her beautiful face had bruises and scratches, and blood was gushing from her forehead and lip. The fairy was extremely injured and was moving slowly but it seemed like she was refusing to show tears. Rosetta was about to help the fairy when two male, older, muscular, fearsome fairies swooped down out of nowhere and pushed her off of her feet. With heartless smiles, the two males began to brutally kick, punch, and smack the female fairy, calling her “Weak!” When she tried to fight back, one of them would hold her down.

“No!” Rosetta cried out. She thought that the fairy was going die but then she saw the fairy’s face turn from agony to complete determination. The fairy punched the ground and with all of the strength she had, she yelled, “STOP!” Her tiny voice echoed through the trees, initiating a huge, booming explosion of glorious light from her soul.  Rosetta ducked in a ball to take cover but the light felt so warm and comforting to her. When the light finally evaporated, Rosetta saw that the two males were nothing but dust now and the female fairy was standing up. Despite her injuries, she smiled at Rosetta brightly and just flew away. Rosetta sat down on the ground in awe of what just happened.

“That little fairy defeated those jerks,” she mused, “all she had, besides magic, been a hell whole lot of courage.” This thought finally got her thinking. At the same moment she heard William bellowing her name. 

Now the clock was striking three and her bags were all packed. She took off the engagement ring and left it on the dresser. She was now standing at the door with a shaky hand on knob. She began to second guess herself. Will she able to handle being on her own? Was he right? Will she be a nobody without him? She then heard a tab on the window. She looked and it was the battered fairy. The fairy smiled warmly and nodded her head in encouragement. Rosetta suddenly envisioned the incredible explosion of light in her mind and confidently said, “This stops tonight.” She took a breath and turned the knob. With her head help up high, she inhaled the night air and marched out of the house, quickly stepping into her purple mustang. She threw her bags in the passenger seat and backed out of the driveway without another thought. William didn’t even notice that she was gone until the wheels squealed as she drove away. She never looked back ever since then. The fairy, whom Rosetta later learned was named Shaylee, followed her and became her fairy guardian. Rosetta finally found her happiness and she vowed to never let another man hold her down, for Shaylee had showed her every being has a light within them that can’t be ignored. With that light, no one is weak or alone. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2012