Monday, December 29, 2014

Mr. CreepyPasta's Laughing Jack

Mr. CreepyPasta is a horror storyteller on YouTube. According to the story, Laughing Jack began with a lonely boy named Isaac in 1800's London. Isaac's parents were very abusive and he had no friends. On Christmas Eve, a guardian angel gave him a magical Jack-in-the-box. The colorful clown was alive and was his best friend at first. Isaac was happy for the first time. 

Then three months later, while they were playing, Jack killed a cat. Isaac got blamed of course, and was sent to boarding school. Jack was left behind in the box. Isaac promised to come back for him but as time went by, Isaac abandoned him and Jack's colors went darker. Isaac's parents had died and he was now grown up. Jack then saw that Isaac was now a serial killer and because Jack's personality changed with Isaac's, Jack became a killer clown and murdered Isaac. Jack now eats and murders children. (The expanded, gorier story is told in the video above). 

This second video is another story about Laughing Jack. 

I heard about Mr. CreepyPasta from a SmallWorlds player and I got curious so I looked up the CreepyPasta Youtube channel. There are a lot of stories like this. They're like online urban legends. I won't lie, when I first watched the video last night, it scared the crap out of me. I'm obsessed though. :) These stories are very well-written. They're so cool!  

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas Eve Angels

Christmas Eve Angels

On Christmas Eve, while the entire world is sleeping, a miraculous event occurs. Beautiful, radiant angels come down from Heaven to Earth, dressed in long, flowing, red or green Christmas robes with large, remarkable, white wings. They come to visit to check on loved ones that they miss and bless the faithless and the dying with luminous hope and love. Mostly, they visit to express their joy and devotion to Christ on His Earthly birthplace. They dance in circles and sing their praises.

People on Earth aren’t supposed to see angels visit but one Christmas Eve, a curious, little girl heard the angels’ lovely voices and wandered outside. This five-year-old girl was named Ariel. She was wearing a long, white nightgown and her auburn hair was tied in a ponytail with a baby blue ribbon.  Despite the dirt smudges on her cheeks, she could’ve been mistaken for an angel, for faith and beauty brightly shined in her eyes. Sweet Ariel’s family was very poor. They didn’t have enough money to buy gifts for each other and despite her being so young, she didn’t mind. All that she wanted was for her mommy and daddy to be happy and not worry about money. 

At first, when she saw the angels, she wept fearfully, thinking that they were scary ghosts. To a child, they glowed with supernatural light and looked strangely imitating. Then, a woman angel named Dina with luscious, long, blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes rested a hand on her shoulder and assured her that they meant no harm. With a loving, soothing voice, Dina told the girl: “Do not fear Ariel. We’re here to bring joy and love on this glorious night.  We’re angels, here to celebrate Christ.”

Dina then flapped her wings, making a loud, swooshing sound and causing Ariel to giggle. “Do you really get to see Jesus?” Ariel asked innocently.

“Yes Child,” Dina replied with a smile.

“Does He really love everybody?” Ariel asked again.

“He loves all of His children,” explained Dina warmly, “no matter what. His love is never limited.”

“I love Jesus!” Ariel blurted out with a kind of adorable excitement that only children can get. The angels laughed and invited her to dance with them.

She ran around, twirled, laughed, and sang happily with the angels in the falling snow until she fell asleep peacefully on the ground. The angels making her hover mid-air, they helped her into the house, went upstairs, and put her into the bed without disturbing her. 

She gracefully landed in bed and Dina was about to tug her in when she saw that Ariel’s blanket was torn and had nothing but holes. With a wave of her hand, Dina mended the blanket and touching Ariel’s forehead, she whispered: “Goodnight Ariel. Have a blessed Christmas and may the Lord always watch over sweet soul and your family.” Then, she and the other angels flew back up into Heaven.

On Christmas morning, Ariel told her mommy and daddy what happened but they only said: “It was just a wonderful dream, Honey. Angels stay in Heaven.” No one believed her but she knew in her heart that the angels were real and she never forgot Dina, the exquisite, kind angel. From then on, she told the story to anyone who would listen to remind them the spirit of Christmas. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 


Merry Christmas 

Friday, December 12, 2014

I Completed Online Class!

I graduated from my online poetry class! Here's the certificate: I'm so proud of myself. I worked so hard but it was fun!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Eternal by Cynthia Leitich Smith

Eternal (Tantalize, #2)Eternal by Cynthia Leitich Smith
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book is about a teenager named Miranda and her guardian angel, Zachary. She gets kidnapped and becomes a vampire and Zachary's powers get taken away for revealing it to a human while trying to rescue Miranda from the vampire. It's a horror story and a love story. Now, he has to try to save her soul without powers and Miranda has to break-free from her vampire creator's control. I liked how it changes point-of-views every other chapter. It's dark, romantic, and real good page turner.

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Saturday, December 6, 2014

Witches by Christopher Rawson #ChildhoodMemories

Stories of Witches (Young Reading Series 1)Stories of Witches by Christopher Rawson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Even though it has been many, many years since I've read this, I have fond memories of the book. This book of witch tales began my obsession with witches and I always made my mom or sister read  it to me. I also took it everywhere with me when I was little. I loved it.

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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thank You

Thank you to those who always support, help, encourage, and love me. I love you. You're awesome! I am blessed. Happy Thanksgiving! #Family #Friends

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Mad World

Just a few questions: How does vandalizing and shooting people help one's cause? How does acting like mindless, wild animals help one's cause? People are hurting and you so-called "protesters" are making it worst! #FergusonProtesters  

Friday, November 7, 2014

Wonderland Camp, Fall 2014

The weekend of October 24th, I went to Wonderland Camp and had a blast! I saw my old friends: Dustin, Alena, Jacob, Cheryl (Jacob’s mom),  Ashlee, Shelby, Gianna, “Shirley”, Kirstie, Ann, and Jason. I also made new friends with Jacob’s sister, Hannah. On Friday, we had a campfire and it was a brisk but pretty night. We sang, told stories, and Dustin played his guitar. I hung out with Jacob, Cheryl, and Hannah at the campfire while I ate my sticky, deliciously sweet s’mores. Jacob was showing me what cool stuff he could do on his communication board. We were talking and laughing all the time. It was a great night!

On Saturday, It was nonstop fun. We didn't even really have rest time for once. It was go, go, go! I liked it. First, we did crafts. I decorated some paper skulls with some stickers and painted tiny houses. We also made some friendship bracelets. Jacob and Hannah made me an adorable bracelet with my name on it. Then, we went outside and got our faces painted. I got a skull on one cheek and crossbones on another. After the face painting, we shot BB guns. I actually hit the target without a lot of help. After shooting, we painted pumpkins. I painted my pumpkin black, purple, and red.

Later, that evening, people were getting ready for the Halloween dance.  I was a sorceress. I washed my face, painted my nails black, put on my favorite red lipstick, wore a black and red gown, a golden, star necklace, and a black cape. I also carried a wand that my mom made. Before the dance,  we got to go trick-or-treating around camp (camp is the only place where you can get back in touch with your inner-child) and go in a “haunted house.” I thought that the haunted house was going to be silly, childish with paper ghosts or something but it was legit. It was awesome! The cabin was dark and scary decorations were everywhere with spooky music playing. People in make-up and masks were crawling on the floor or jumping out. I also remember that the word REDRUM was painted on the wall. The haunted house rocked!

At the dance, everyone was in flashy costumes. There was a doctor, a Ninja Turtle, an Eskimo, a lifeguard, Gumbie, and many more. The booming music was playing in the dining hall and the always colorful lights were around me. I chased around and danced with all of my friends. I was singing at the top of my lungs and laughed so hard. It was so much fun!

On Sunday, everyone just relaxed until our rides got there. Wonderland Camp rules! Every summer and every fall is always an adventure that I’ll forever remember. The memories are imprinted on my mind for me to smile at later. I can’t wait until the next time!


Happy Halloween 2014

Me as Peter  Pan on Halloween night. 
Happy Halloween! 

I wish that I was like Peter Pan,
Just be a kid and have fun,
Believe in faith, trust, and pixie dust. 
I would never worry,
being so joyous and carefree. 
I would fly so high and so far,
touching each star.

I wish that I was like Peter Pan,
The one who wouldn't change over time.
Smiling at danger,
Escaping to Never Never Land,
my heart leaving my troubles behind. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved

Thursday, October 30, 2014

the Halloween Butterfly

Before that terrifying Halloween night, I was an elegant monarch butterfly with magnificent orange and black wings but I was very unique. First, instead of just small, white spots on my wings, I had a big skull face on each wing.  I never understood why. My wings were always that way ever since my metamorphosis to a butterfly. Secondly, while other butterflies couldn’t survive in the cold and migrated to somewhere warmer during the fall and winter, I stayed and survived. This didn’t mean that I was immortal; I could be killed by predators, humans, sickness, etc. The chill just didn’t bother me. Finally, there was one characteristic that I wish that I never had. While other butterflies remained still at night, I would flutter about into the darkness, never noticing the ominous figures in the shadows.

It was Halloween night and the wind was whistling like singing ghosts. A wolf howled wildly somewhere and an owl hooted quietly nearby. I was flying among the trees. In the distance, beyond the trees, I could also hear happy children giggling and yelling, “TRICK OR TREAT!” All of these sounds made my heart smile and the beautiful, full moon was shining brightly through the clouds. I felt at ease and was enjoying the brisk air. Then, I heard a horrific sound that made me turn cold. It was a loud flapping of massive wings and high-pitched chirping of big, hungry bats. I knew that bats preyed on insects so I always tried my best to avoid them but that night, an attack on me was inevitable.  

They came closer, closer, and CLOSER!! I fluttered around in complete panic. I tried to hide but there was no use. Coming up behind me, one of the bats snatched me in mid-air by my wings with its gigantic, clawed feet. I tried to squirm lose but its grip was excruciatingly tight. It was about to toss me into the air and devour me when I miraculously escaped and flew away. Even though my left wing was torn, I kept on flying with all of my might. I couldn’t see behind me but I heard the bats chasing me. My tiny heart was beating crazily but I began to stagger, as I got weaker and weaker .

Then, in my blurred vision, I could see their snarled faces and grotesque fangs in front of me. Two bats on each side grabbed me by my wings. Then with their fangs, they greedily tore off both wings from my body and ate them. I screamed in agony but of course, I was unheard. They then tried to eat my whole body. They managed to take a bite out of me but one of the bats lost their grip.

I plummeted down, down, down! I didn’t know where I was falling because I was dying. I didn’t remember the landing. When I opened my eyes for the last time, I realized that I was now inside of an unlit jack-o’-lantern and saw a child dressed as a goblin watching me from the top with curiosity and sadness. My heart smiled again, seeing such innocence, as I slowly died. My spirit rose up into the clouds and roamed the mysterious, Halloween night.          

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 

Happy Halloween! :) This story was inspired from a scary dream. In the dream, I was a butterfly and bats ate me alive. I know that bats aren't bad. The story is from the butterfly's point-of-view.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Update: October 4, 2014

This is just a little update. I’ve been taking an online course: Modern and Contemporary Poetry, taught by Professor Al Filreis.  It’s challenging but fun. I’m also still working on my book (long process, I know but writing it has been awesome). I’m totally excited for Halloween! October is my favorite: vibrate autumn colors, pumpkins, and scary movies. A horror story is coming soon, don’t worry.  Have a happy Halloween and watch my video on the bottom…if you dare! Bwahahaha!!! 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Rainbow Angel

Rainbow angel
Guides your way to the Lord with her wings of multicolor.
Doesn’t believe in grayness or gloominess,
Only in hope of the most vibrate.
Sweetly takes your hand,
Welcoming you to the brightness of Heaven.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 

Love you Lauren 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Think Tink (August 2014)

As most of you know, I got sick at camp and had to come home early. It sucked big time! Then, after the embarrassment and disappointment of getting sick in front of everyone, I had to stay in the hospital for two nights. Three different doctors told me three different diagnoses but finally, they agreed that I had some weird stomach virus! I was poked like a pin cushion and was almost “probed” (I have another very graphic analogy for it but it’s inappropriate, lol). I had to deal with an agonizing, bloated, bubbling stomach. I also had to deal with the nurses, except for two, baby talking me and you know how I just love it when people treat me like I’m brainless. One of the doctors was cute at least. ;)

Yeah, it has been a rough couple of days but I’m going to shake it off, think Tink. The One Direction concert is next week and I’m going to have a blast! I still have fall camp to go to so I get to see my friends again. I’m better now and everything is awesome!!!  

Venting, Funny, Think Tink

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Trolling Or Bullying?

In internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community  with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. 

Cyberbullying is the use of information technology to harm or harass other people in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner. Examples of what constitutes cyberbullying include communications that seek to intimidate, control, manipulate, put down, falsely discredit, or humiliate the recipient. 

I often play an online game called Smallworlds and it’s very fun. It’s open to all ages. In the game, I’m a witch with magic powers, which I enjoy and I make a lot of friends. It’s an awesome game! Trolls on Smallworlds supposed to be pranksters, jokesters, tricksters.They just trick you out of your tokens or start silly magic/gun fights. 

It’s supposed to be all in good fun but some people use trolling as an excuse to be bullies. These bullies stalk players, hack accounts, say inappropriate insults, spread gross, false rumors, or even threaten. 


I usually just laugh at the trolls but I take snapshots of the bullies and report them, even if they’re not bullying me. People need to remember that it’s a great game, not another site to bully someone. 

*And don't worry, I reported the guy in snapshot above before I wrote this. The guy was a well-known bully in the game. He bullied some of my gaming friends. I just went where he hung out to catch him in the act and he tried to pick on me, not knowing I got it in a picture. I'm not being bullied.   

Monday, June 30, 2014


By: Lena Holdman 

When you first look at me,
I might seem innocent, sane, regular.
But look closer,
Do you see the darkness in my eyes?
You’d probably see something that even I wouldn’t recognize.
This is the monster that resides in my soul.
 It chose me because I was na├»ve,
I was easy to fool because I was so curious and gullible;
My own curiosity led me to a secret hell.

It taunts me with terrifying, vile thoughts;
Disturbing images of dark desires, murder, and lust.
My own mind is impossible to trust.
The pure part of me is so frightened and confused by them,
While the demon inside craves for them to become alive!

Having complete control,
it makes me do the unthinkable.
I try to fight but it’s too powerful.
I don’t know what I’m doing when it takes over.
My righteous side blacks out,
I’m it;
A rabid, wicked, pentagram-imprinted hunter.
Tainting the weak makes my mouth water,
Helpless screams make it more fun.

After the sinful deed is done,
I come to again,
I cry, fall onto my knees,
For I see the blood on my hands and the gore at my feet.
The evil inside just begins to giggle!

Can you help me?
Do you even believe me?! 
Oh, it’s getting more hungry, more dominating.
If you’re going to save me,
please hurry!
It’s burning, scratching, gnawing;
Beyond torture!
 How much invasion can my soul endure?
Let me be killed if you have to,
Please just get someone…anyone to slay this monster!! 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014

Dark, Horror, Poetry, Metaphor 

The narrator is tortured by guilt. The "monster" is making her do bad things and for a moment, she likes doing those things until she sees what she's done. She just wants to stop being sinful. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Wonderland Camp, June 2014

Last week, I went to Wonderland Camp and I had a blast! I saw my old friends: Ann, Cookie, Brad, Scott, Kayla, Katie, Faith, Jason, Dustin, Elvis, Lena, and Alena. I also made new friends: Abby, Kate, Brittany, Kyrie, Shirley, and Kaitlin.  This year, I was in a different cabin, FHB, and it was a cool change. I was so happy that I was in the same cabin as Cookie.  

On Sunday, Kayla then Scott and his friend came to visit me. It was very nice to see both of them. Then, after dinner, Cookie and I went to the campfire and sang camp songs. There was more smoke than fire and it was funny. Every time that we would try to come closer, we weren’t able to see or began coughing. It was as thick as fog. We also took a hayride all around camp. It was a very good beginning of the week.

On Monday, we tie-dyed our camp shirts in Arts and Crafts. I tie-dyed my shirt purple and orange. In Rec, we then tossed balls into hula hoops and it was so much fun.  Later that afternoon, we tried to swim. It was very cloudy but people said that the pool water was warm so I went in despite the weather. Twenty minutes after getting in, cold rain began pouring down. We had to rush out of the pool, as I shivered uncontrollably. It was quite an adventure. After a warm shower, we hung out in the cabin and listened  to One Direction until dinner time. For Evening Activity, we played “Cabin Feud” in the dining hall. It was like Family Feud, just with camp-related questions. Our cabin didn’t win but it was still fun.

On Tuesday, we rode the boat in the morning. It was slightly brisk but the sun was out. I didn’t sleep the whole time this time and the scenery was pretty. In music, we played a game that was like Musical Chairs. There were pieces of paper around a table. When the music started playing, we went around the table. When it stopped, you had to do the action that the paper closest to you says to do, like “Act Out A Scene From Your Favorite Movie”. It was funny. In Arts and Crafts, we painted a pet rock. I painted my rock purple, red, and black. Then, after my rock, I painted my fingers to put my fingerprints on paper. For Evening Activity, it was a karaoke night. I sang “Beat of My Heart” by Hilary Duff. I then danced with everyone. After a while, Cookie and I went outside and began chasing Brad around. It’s a joke between the three of us. Cookie and I couldn’t stop laughing. Before bedtime, everyone in the cabin played a game called “Hot and Cold”. Someone hid a cup and people told the person who was finding it if they were hot or cold, which meant they were close or far away from it.  It was a great night.

On Wednesday, in Rec, we exercised and colored paper rose petals red all over camp (the week’s theme was Alice In Wonderland). In Arts and Crafts, we made Mad Hatter hats. I decorated my hat with smiley faces, hearts, stars, and puzzle pieces and it was cool. We then made flags for our group talent in the talent show. The talent show began in the evening. Cookie and I sang “Lucky” by Britney Spears and we rocked! Our whole cabin waved flags and danced to “Wave Your Flag” by K’naan and it was comical. During the whole show, I clapped, cheered, sang along, and laughed. Camp talent shows always make me happy.  

On Thursday, it rained cats and dogs throughout the morning and afternoon. We did indoor activities and watched movies but everyone was more excited about the dance. Later that afternoon, the girls had Beauty Shop. Katie painted my nails black with silver glitter. I wore gray eye shadow and dark red lipstick and she straightened my bangs. After dinner, I got dressed. I put on my long, flowing, blue and black sundress and I loved it. Then the dance began. People were bopping around, the colorful lights were shining brightly and spinning ‘round, and the music was so loud that my ears rang a little. It was awesome!! I don’t know why but sometimes being surrounded by blaring music makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine, like I’m on a sugar high. I danced with everybody. Jason even took me out of my chair and danced with me, which was so, so cool! Every moment of that night was amazing!!!

On Friday, everyone was packing, signing shirts, and taking pictures. I caught myself trying to memorize every face that morning. Fridays, like I’ve said many times before, are always are bittersweet. I know that I’ll be back and I’m happy to see my parents but it’s tough to say goodbye. Camp is my secondary home and every time that I think about it, I smile. I remember all of the laughter and each adventure, minor or major.  I also feel blessed to know such incredible people.   

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott

Living Dead GirlLiving Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was haunting, creepy, sad, and a very good read. It's about a girl who has lived with her kidnapper for five years, since she was ten. For five years, she has been abused in unimaginable ways. The kidnapper, Ray was a sick-minded monster and the girl would do anything and say anything not to make him angry. Some parts freaked me out but I couldn't put the book down.

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Saturday, May 31, 2014

Field of Loneliness

Field of Loneliness
by: Lena Holdman

I’m standing in the middle of a large field of black, dying roses. A dark sun is slowly setting, making the sky crimson. Withered petals waltz in the wind and blow in my auburn hair. Shaking the petals off, I pull up the hood of my favorite gray hoodie, for the wind is brisk. I can see a run-down barn in the distance but there’s no sign of life of any kind anywhere. I’m so confused, slightly dizzy, and my head is pounding. Where am I? How did I get here and why am I here?

Then I see you, Dave, the guy who always comforted me, made me laugh; the best friend who always danced with me in the middle of my living room, making me feel like a real princess. Ever since we were teenagers, I’ve carried a torch for you. I don’t know how many times that I tried to tell you about my deeper feelings for you, how many times that I whispered “I love you” but you were blind to it all. Even now in our twenties, my love for you still hasn’t wavered.

Now, you seem to appear out of nowhere but I just want to know what’s going on. I call out to you but it seems like you don’t see or hear me even though I’m only steps away from you. In a louder tone, I ask, “Where are we?” Still, you don’t answer or even look my way; your olive eyes scanning the darkening sky.
I desperately ask you, “What’s wrong?” I try to walk towards you but I can’t. Some invisible, strong force holds my legs tightly in place. I scream in frustration but try to remain calm. Is this some kind of joke? Are you going burst into laughter at any minute?  I giggle nervously and say, “Alright Dork, you’ve had your fun.”

Then Lilly appears beside you and your gorgeous face lights up. She’s your girlfriend of two years, the luckiest girl on Earth; the one with long, blonde hair, legs that went on forever, and a perfect, model-like smile, and the one who you gave your heart to. I’m happy for you. You’ve finally found someone who you could love with all of your heart but I must admit, sometimes it was difficult to watch you give her all of your affection while I just was the third wheel, still being secretly devoted to you.

I assume that she’s going to see me and talk to me now, end this silly prank but she doesn’t even acknowledge me.  At first, I’m very offended but then, I become extremely afraid. Am I really invisible? Am I dead and now just a reckless spirit that you’ve already forgotten?! I scream out your name again, again, and AGAIN! Neither of you can hear me.You just start dancing with her, twirling her around and around, both of you being blissfully oblivious of me and the hideous, dying flowers around you. Your love for each other is beautiful enough. I feel helpless, alone, abandoned!

Now, her baby blue, short sundress is growing longer and turning pure white, as all of the color in the world gradually disappears. It’s like we’re in an old black and white movie stuck on slow motion. You keep twirling her around and I keep screaming your name. You kiss her hard on the lips and I frantically beg you to just listen. You laugh with her and I sob, pleading, “PLEASE HEAR ME…LOOK AT ME!! PLEASE REMEMBER ME, COME ON! DON’T DO THIS, I LOVE YOU!!!”

My legs suddenly are able to move but instead of running towards you, I walked backwards, hysterically crying, screaming, still beseeching you to hear and look at me. The world begins to spin quickly, uncontrollably like I’m on a demonic top and I lose my footing. A car appears behind me and not paying attention, I hit my head on the side mirror. I scream again before darkness consumes me.         

When I open my eyes again, color is back.With a massive bump on my head,  I’m lying on the ground beside your blue Mustang, a field of red roses being only a foot away. I see you running towards me and that’s when I remember what happened:

You were taking Lilly and me to dinner when she’d seen the rose field. We pulled over to pick some. Just as we were about to get out of the car, I got a text from my younger sister and I told you two to go ahead while I quickly replied. When I was done texting, I left my phone in the car and walked towards the field. From a distance, I saw you two standing in the middle. You whispered something to her, making her giggle. Then, you held something up to her and knelt down one knee. I thought that you were proposing to her. I should’ve been happy for you two, should’ve been cheering but all I felt was overwhelming shock and fear of abandonment. I slowly walked backwards back to the car, for I didn’t want you to see me at that moment. I knew that my face didn’t have a look of joy. As I walked backwards, my eyes still glued on you, I slipped on a rock and slammed my head on the side mirror, passing out.

“Are you okay,” you exclaim, rushing towards me, “What happened?”

“I’m fine…” I say drowsily, “just…slipped.” You help sit up and make tell you how many fingers that you’re holding up.  As you’re checking me, I abruptly say, “Congrats on your engagement.”

“Huh,” you exclaim, looking puzzled, “Engagement?”

“Such a jokester,” I think to myself. “I saw you starting to propose to Lilly…,” I say with a small smile.

You give me one of your charming smiles.

Thinking up of quick lie, I continue saying, “That’s why I tried running back to the car…Wanted to get my phone so I record you proposing. It is a special moment.”

Then you burst out laughing. Why are you laughing?

“Sorry to disappoint you,” you chuckle, “but I wasn’t proposing.”

“But I saw you getting on one knee,” I say, feeling perplexed.

“I was just goofing around,” you explain, “I was only giving her a rose.”

“Oh…,” I say, feeling very idiotic, “so I bumped my head over nothing.”

“Looks like it,” you smile, “but thanks. Don’t you think that I would tell you if I was planning to propose? You are my best friend. I tell you everything.”

Warming my heart, I smile at your sweet words.

Lilly now runs towards us with exploding panic in her eyes. She frantically asks, “Is she okay? Does she need to go the hospital?”

“I’m just a klutz,” I told her with a sigh.

“Yeah, she hit her head on my side mirror but it didn’t break,” you tease, “Thank God for her hard head.”

“Oh ha, ha,” I smile, “Dork.”

“Come on,” you say, helping me stand and giving me a picked rose from your pocket, “I promised to take my girls to dinner.”

As we get into the car, I’d be lying if I said that I’m not feeling relieved that you aren’t engaged tonight. I’m ashamed of that fact. You deserve to be happy. You’re my best friend and if I really care about you, I should be supporting you. Tonight, I’ve learned that I have a selfish fear of you not being in my life, of being forgotten and I realize that those feeling are foolish. I know that you wouldn’t just push me away and Lilly wouldn’t replace me. We’re only friends…period. No matter how much wish for a romantic relationship with you, nothing will ever change things. I love you but you aren’t mine to keep. I’ve just been acting like a self-centered child so tonight, I’m deciding that if there ever comes a day that I need to let you go, I’ll walk away. Even though I’ll always want you, I’ll be at peace, knowing that you’re truly happy.    

Dark, Fiction, Love, Sad, Teen, Young-adult, Growing up

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 

In this story, the narrator faces her fears of abandonment and learns that if you love someone, sometimes you'll have to let them go. The truth hurts but it's part of growing up. 

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Through the Zombie Glass by Gena Showalter

Through the Zombie Glass (White Rabbit Chronicles, #2)Through the Zombie Glass by Gena Showalter
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Through the Zombie Glass had great action, drama, and suspense. While fighting the evil within her after being bitten, Ali also had to deal with strange visions, a break-up, her friends not trusting her, and life-threatening situations. I think that she became stronger throughout this book. It was awesome! I did get mad at Cole for a while but I was practically giddy when they made up. I couldn't stop reading!!

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Alice In Zombieland by Gena Showalter

Alice in Zombieland (The White Rabbit Chronicles, #1)Alice in Zombieland by Gena Showalter
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Alice In Zombieland is awesome! Alice "Ali" Bell thought that her father was crazy until her family died in a crash and she began to see strange things. She kicks zombie butt and I love all of the rest of the characters, especially Cole and Kat.  I also love the great, intense zombie battles, the romance between Cole and Ali, and the settle references to Alice In Wonderland.  I adore this book!

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My 1st Horse Ride

I would like to thank everyone who was involved with making my day so happy and exciting on Sunday, May 18th. I never thought that I would be able to ride a horse or even get on one. The farm was beautiful and the hayride was great too. Many thanks to you all.

P.S.  I loved meeting you all. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What Happened To Jeremy Sumpter?

One of my favorite movies is Peter Pan (2003 movie version). I’ve seen recent pictures of Jeremy Sumpter, who played Peter and I was surprised. Back then, I had a slight crush on him because he played Peter Pan but now he looks very, very grown up and hot! I started wondering what happened to him after 2003 so I did some research. 

First, in 2004, he acted on the CBS series clubhouse as Pete Young, a teenage bat-boy for a New York major league baseball team. 

In 2005, he then took a very mature role in the Lifetime movie, Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life as Justin Petersen, a sixteen-year-old who gets an extreme addiction to online pornography that ruins his life. I know, it’s shocking, a real, real departure from Peter Pan but he was very good (I watched clips of it).

After that, he acted on the NBC series Friday Night Lights as J. D. McCoy from 2008 to 2010. He also co-starred in the movie Soul Surfer in 2011 as Byron Blanchard, the brother of the professional surfer, Bethany Hamilton who’s a victim of a shark attack. 

He appeared in an episode of CSI: Miami as well as the boyfriend of a girl whose parents are murdered.

Jeremy has done a lot other things since the days of being Peter but he’ll always be Peter Pan to me. It’s the kid in me. I could watch Peter Pan over and over again. I like his new look though.


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Cyber Bully


I love social media,
It’s a good way to stay connected with family and old friends,
to meet new companions,
even to express my opinions. 
But there’s something wicked that people are posting, retweeting,
Something that keeps on trending,
when it needs to be ending,
It’s called cyber bullying.

Do you know the saying:
“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me”?
Well, guess what,
They do hurt.
They cut deep, they can tear someone up from the inside out!
Oh yeah, it’s easy to torture someone online,
when you can tell yourself:
“Oh, I’m not being mean,
They’re just pointless words on a computer screen!”

Oh yeah, it’s easy to attack someone for being different on web sites,
when you can just abuse your First Amendment rights.
But tell me,
What would you do if that person was right in front of you?   

Cruel words and lies are like a computer virus.
Without protection or compassion, 
they can spread throughout someone’s mind,
Until the person is infected, so infected that the person crashes, becomes unresponsive;
Their self-esteem completely deleted!
So next time you post another comment or tweet,
You decide.
What kind of a person do you want to be?
A kind-hearted human being…or just another cowardly cyber bully?  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 

Any kind of bullying should!    

Monday, March 10, 2014

Resurrection Premiere

Last night, I watched the series premiere of “Resurrection” on ABC and I liked it. If you haven’t watched it yet, don’t worry, there won’t be any spoilers here. I’ll just tell you little things that I liked. I love the whole idea of a deceased loved one coming back after many years. I think that a lot of people will relate to this concept. Who hasn’t wished for a second chance with a deceased loved one? I also liked the mystery, suspense, and belief in it. All of the characters aren’t so sure what to think the whole time. They’re thinking: Is this real? What or whom should I believe? 

Omar Epps, who played Dr. Eric Foreman in “House”, now plays the immigration agent in “Resurrection”. His character in this seemed cool. He wanted to find the truth no matter what. This show is very creative, mystifying, and to me, is filled with questions of faith. I think that this show is going to be a big hit. I can’t wait for more!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Happy Single Queen 2014

Some women my age are so blind going into dating. They’re desperately searching for Mr. Perfect, kissing every “frog,” no matter how slimy they are but I’m different. Yes, once upon a time, I was that girl who thought that finding a man was key to happiness and that I would fall in love quickly with prince charming like a Disney princess but after several cheaters, dozens of liars, one crush that went absolutely nowhere, and one deranged, schizophrenic, controlling guy, whom I’m pretty sure was the Jack the Ripper of the 21st century, that happily ever after belief soon changed. I’m not saying that I completely gave up on romance. My happily ever after is still out there. I still have the sweetest fantasies about love but I’m just not that helpless princess who is waiting longingly up in her tower for her knight-in-shining-armor to save her anymore. I’m the single and extremely happy queen who is enjoying life on her own. I’m very open minded. If romance wants to make an appearance and if there’s a guy out there who will prove to me that he’s my king, I’m all for it. He just has to impress me in a major way. Just saying I love you won’t be enough. There has to be respect and loyalty too.

I’m not looking everywhere for him either. He’ll find me and if it’s real, I’ll feel it. It’s true, I tend to flirt with guys online (bad habit) but let’s face it, that’s all pretend. I have to be myself with or without a man. I’ll always be happy as long as I have my family and friends. My joy, hopes, opinions, and dreams will always rein.   

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Stop Twisting Tweets To Use As Quotes (I Believe You Liam)

I usually don't blog about tabloid stories but people are being plain ignorant to Liam Payne from One Direction! They are saying that he supports anti-homosexuality beliefs but that's not true. He just tweeted to one of the guys from Duck Dynasty, saying that he was a fan of the show and that he was happy that the family on the show stuck together. I actually read the tweet (yes, I follow celebrities on Twitter) and he didn't agree or support the anti-homosexuality comments that Phil Robertson made. It didn't even come up in the tweet. It was just about how he liked the show and how he respected their family values! The media just twisted his words to make it sound like he was supporting Phil's comments. Now some people, even some 1D fans are mad. Journalists shouldn't twist and use the words out of context in people's tweets just to get a juicy story. Come on, Liam is a nice guy and Twitter is supposed to be fun! 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Hey Steven


Hey Steven, 

I'm thinking of you today. I miss you but I know that you're still watching over us and that you're having a blast up in Heaven. We're all celebrating your memory today. You were a great guy and we were blessed to have you in our lives. I love ya! :)

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Busy Bee


This is a random blog entry just to tell everyone what I've been doing. Of course, there was Thanksgiving, Christmas, and awesome family stuff but I've been also typing my first draft of my novel. November was National Novel Writing Month and that’s when I decided to refocus on my book that began writing back when I was 18. Even though this book and its characters had always been important to me, I realized that it was put on the back burner because of other stories and poetry so ever since November, I've been writing it constantly. It’s been so much fun and I feel so determined. All of my family and friends have been supportive but some people for some strange reason think that once I’m done typing this draft, I’ll be completely finished when that’s so untrue. It’s a long process. There’s proofreading, editing, and probably more drafts until I think that it’s perfect.  I love the writing process. I’m not rushing it. Creativity is second nature for me and the editing aspect is just fun for me because I like grammar, believe it or not. See you later!