Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Wonderland Camp, October 2017

Last weekend, I had a blast at Wonderland Camp! On Friday, I saw my old friends: Cookie, Ann, Polly, Jan, and Shelby. I was so happy to see them. I also made new friends: Tasha and Molly. We were in the BHA (Brown Hall A) cabin. We just hung out outside until dinner time.There was a small hill in front of the cabin and I was speeding up and down it, tickling the inside of my stomach. 

After dinner, we had a campfire. We laughed and sang old camp songs. I have heard these songs so much over the years that I bet that I could sing them in my sleep, lol! 😄 It was fun. Then, we ate some gooey, exquisite s'mores. 😋 Cookie and I helped Ann clean up after the fire. Before bed, we sat on the porch and called our friend Dustin on Ann's phone. It was nice to talk to him.

On Saturday morning, we did arts and crafts. I drew on a paper pumpkin and decorated on it with stickers. Then, I just doodled some random stuff on paper. I'm not really crafty but I try at camp, lol! 😃 After crafts, we shot bb guns. Ann and I hit the target two times. It was cool. 

After lunch, we took a hayride down to the water front and rode the boat. I fell asleep off and on because it was so relaxing. It was windy and some of the boat ride was also bumpy. It was nice. Then, we watched the Disney Channel movie, Halloweentown in the dinning hall and ate some popcorn. We then decorated actual pumpkins with paint and markers. We also decorated trick-or-treat bags and I drew pictures of my favorite horror movies on mine.

After dinner, later that evening, we put on our costumes. Cookie, Ann, and I were all witches. My mom made Cookie and me matching wands. We took another hayride around the camp. Camp looks so beautiful and majestic at night. We even saw a deer. Then, we all lined up for the haunted house. Normally, I think that the camp's haunted house just has sugar-coated scares but this year, they legitimately made me jump out of my skin. Do you know about my acute fear of realistic dolls that move? Well, in the haunted house, there were dolls. 😲 There was a person in baby doll mask (I'm pretty sure that it was a counselor named Andi) banging on a door loudly. It made me jump but I didn't scream yet. Going further, I then saw a Chucky doll smiling at me. I let out a squeal and nearly jumped out of my chair, exclaiming: "Oh my God...crap!" Then, I started laughing at myself for being scared. Cookie was out of there as soon as she saw Chucky (I guess that I know who would survive a horror movie, lol 😆). It was funny and so much fun. They poured candy in our trick-or-treat bags at the exit.   

Then, the dance began. The music was booming and the lights were twinkling like stars. I danced with all of my friends and sang loudly. Cookie and I even chased each other and began to have a pretend, silly duel with our wands. It was an awesome night! 

On Sunday, my mom and dad picked me up. The whole weekend was so much fun and it was good to see my friends. The weekend went too fast but I know that I'll be back in the summer. Besides, there's still more Halloween fun to have this month at home. 🎃😉🦎

Sunday, October 8, 2017

the Creepy Side of Me (a Halloween Poem)


the Creepy Side of Me 

There's a dark, soulless, creepy side of me;
The side that no one gets to see. 
It comes out at midnight, 
when everyone is asleep. 
One of my eyes glow emerald green and another glows pumpkin-orange;
my lips becoming blood-red, 
my skin becoming as pale as the dead. 

I levitate above the streets, 
lurking around the neighborhood; 
stalking the innocent from their beds.

I then creep into the woods, 
dancing with the devil, 
letting myself be caressed by absolute evil.  

I drink virgin blood and cackle with a group of murderous witches, 
wielding a huge butcher knife. 
I'm becoming monstrous 
but I don't care or notice.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

This is just a Halloween poem 🎃 ...or is it? 😈 I hope that it crept you out. 😈 Hehe!

Monday, October 2, 2017

Why? 🖤

I woke up to the devastating news of the shootings in Las Vegas and all that I could ask was: Why? Why do people shoot each other? Why did he want to hurt innocent people? It's so sad. My thoughts and prayers go to the victims and the loved ones of the victims.🙏🏻🖤 Stop the hate and unnecessary violence. 



It's October, yay!! The month of pumpkin spice everything, horror movies, costumes, ghosts, and leaves. I'm excited! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Friday, September 22, 2017

Being Happy and Relaxed (Do Not Disturb 😜)

I'm planning to have a relaxing weekend. Today, Daddio made me chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream for breakfast. He also surprised me with some new Halloween solar panel bobbleheads (I like the clicking sound that they make). Simple things make me happy! 

My plan for tomorrow is simple: watching Law & Order: SVU all day. I know that it sounds very lazy but I don't care. I'll go downstairs and watch SVU to my heart's content. 

Sunday is the Holdman family reunion in the park. It'll be so, so, so hot and we'll wake up early but it's going to be fun. 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Bleeding Pages (a Poem)

Sometimes I make the pages bleed, 
My overwhelming feelings penetrating the paper, 
using my trusty pen;
With piercing words of sadness, angst, and happiness, 
revealing the vulnerability within me that is so deep. 

Sometimes my soul just scream onto the page, 
giving my mind relief and telling my darkest secrets, 
letting people know that I won't ever change. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

This poem just popped into the head the other night when I was writing in my journal. The pages of my journal sometimes get abused lol. 😄

Fan-Girls Stick Together

I never thought that a Shane fan edit would be emotional but I got tears in my eyes when I first watched this 😢😍 (the video above ⇧). It’s so good. This edit was made a girl named Nicole. She's a mega Shane Dawson fan like me. I follow her on Twitter. Please follow her at @safetypinshane and give her some love. 😊😘

Monday, September 11, 2017

Remembering 9/11

September 11, 2001 
Always remember what shouldn't have happened. 🌹

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Just a Few Updates

I decided not to do online classes this year because I want to be focused on my writing, my family, and reading more books. Also, the classes were getting redundant by the end of last year and I was sort of getting bored with it. I just want to do my own thing, living my best life. 😎 ✍🎧🖳 🎃🎄👪📚

Smooches! 💋

Sunday, August 27, 2017

"Look What You Made Me Do" Reaction

I love this song and music video by Taylor Swift (⇧) ! It's witty, cheeky, and very dark. Some people are hating on the song, saying they miss "the old Taylor" but I'm loving this edgy, dark Taylor!

Monday, August 21, 2017

Solar Eclipse 2017

Saw it at 1:17PM. The sun and the moon had dream colors. Then, the sky went dark. Crickets went crazy but the birds stopped chirping. The atmosphere was creepy-cool. 🌞🌝

Friday, August 11, 2017

Fiction Can Be a Comfort

At first Mrs. Darling did not know, but after thinking back into her childhood she just remembered a Peter Pan who was said to live with the fairies. There were odd stories about him, as that when children died he went part of the way with them, so that they should not be frightened. 
----Peter and Wendy, Chapter 1, J.M. Barrie   

To our baby girl, Alina, who we never got to meet: soar among the stars with the angels and always know that we all love you. R.I.P. 💗💖🌟✝️

Monday, July 31, 2017

Happy Birthday Harry Potter!

Happy birthday Harry Potter! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈

Thursday, July 27, 2017

My Riverdale and "Bughead" Obsession

Most of you know that I love the TV show Riverdale (a show based off of the Archie Comics). In the show, there is a romantic relationship between Betty Cooper and Jughead Jones (aka Bughead) and I'm obsessed. It's so damn cute! 😍 Some fans of the original comics say that it doesn't make sense but I think that it does. In the original comics, they were very close and always had each other's backs. Also, come on, it's just adorable! 💕 They're #RelationshipGoals . 

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

When a Disney Girl is Sarcastic

Disclaimer: This is just a joke and it's my personal opinion. 

I was watching Disney's Robin Hood yesterday because it’s one of my favorites and when this song came on (the video above ⇧⇧⇧⇧) , I thought of Trump. Like Prince John, he's a selfish, whiny, greedy leader who is really just a bully. Lol! 
"The snivellin’, grovellin’. 
Measly, weasely,
Blabberin’, jabberin’, 
Gibberin’, jabberin’, 
Blunderin’, plunderin’,
Wheelin’, dealin’, 
Don Trump, that phony president of the U.S.A. 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

the Dark Angel

the Dark Angel 

There was once a dark angel; 
With a heart of Heavenly light
but with a damned soul from a demonic kiss, 
from the darkest night. 
She traded in her holy grace for lust and sinful powers.
This fallen angel used her tainted powers to protect all of the Lord's children. 
No harm ever came to them.  

On the night of their birth,
she gave herself their sicknesses, 
their pain, 
their fears and heartbreaks. 
The babes could live happily in the sunlight, 
While she dwelled in agony in the quiet darkness. 

At the end of each night, 
her demon lover would carry her away 
with its wings wrapped around her almost limp body. 
Every night, 
At their hellish tower, 
In their unholy bed,
she would whisper into its ear: 

"No child will know hurt or fear, 
They have my life and my word."
"I will always be there, 
fighting the cruelties of this world."

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Monday, July 10, 2017



If I saw eighty-eight million stars, 
I would wish to laugh with you forever. 
If I had eighty-eight zillion time machines, 
I would relive the moments when we would walk alone in the woods 
over and over;
talking, teasing, listening to music.
Being around you is such magic.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Poet Notes: This little, random poem that popped in my head today is about someone who makes me happy. 💜💚 I won’t say who. I want to give y’all some sense of mystery. 😉 Btw, the number 88 has no deep meaning, just my favorite number, lol! 😜

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Wonderland Camp, June 2017

I had lots of fun at Wonderland Camp last week! I saw my old friends: Brittany, Bridy, Lexi, Ann, Shelby, Becky, Jeff, Jason, Mark, Dustin, and Jennifer (aka "Cookie"). I also made new friends: Sam, Remi, Yaw, and Kortney (different girl, same spelling lol). It was medieval week. On Sunday, we had a pool party. Cookie, Brittany, Yaw, and I hung out on the splash pad and the water was slightly cold but it was fun. Then, we ate heavenly delicious s'mores. I also hung out with Jeff and Mark at the campfire. It was a great evening.

On Monday, we shot bb guns in the morning. Kortney helped me but I pulled the trigger on my own and I hit the target once. After shooting, we went on the wobbly bridge and did the zip-line. The zip-line was so much fun! It felt like I was Peter Pan flying above the trees. It tickled my stomach and couldn't stop screaming out of happiness. (Video is down below). 


Then, for Free-Flow (free time), Cookie, Kortney, Yaw, and I hung out on the splash pad again. What can I say? Cookie and I love that thing! 

Later that evening, we had a race. It was a riot to drive my wheelchair fast.

On Tuesday, we had Archery and shot hay-bale targets.Then, we had Music with Dustin and we played our version of Charades. We were split up into two groups and we acted out and sang things for the other group to guess the words/phrases/movie titles. As our "prize", we got to do funny things to Dustin like pouring ice down his shirt and pouring paint or baby powder on his head. It was hilarious! Later that afternoon, Cookie and I went on the huge swing. They pulled us way high, it dropped, and we swung up in the air. (Video is down below).  

It felt like we were flying at supersonic speed. My heart was pounding, my stomach did flip-flops, and I was screaming/laughing. It was so awesome!! For Free-Flow, we sang karaoke. I sang "1985" by Bowling For Soup. Later that night, Cookie, Brittany, Bridy, Ann, and I slept outside in the Rec field in a tent. I never slept outside before in my life and it was fun. The camp was very pretty at night. 

On Wednesday, we had Nature in the morning and we made name tags with sticks and paper. Then in Arts and Crafts, we tie-dyed our camp shirts and my shirt was purple, orange, and green. I also made a paper bookmark. After Crafts, we had Rec and did bowling using pins and a beach ball. I was being funny and sort of cheated. I crashed my wheelchair into the pins, knocking them over. Everyone was cracking up. Later that afternoon, we rode a pirate ship and it was coolest! It looked like Captain Hook's ship.   


I loved it! Later for Free-Flow, I went to talent show practice. I was going to sing Ruth B's "Lost Boy" for my talent. 

Later that evening, the talent show began. It was so sweet, entertaining, and funny. 

Thursday was "camp day". It basically became a Renaissance fair with costumes, battles, a castle, and stuff. There was banner making and "sorcery" (cool science tricks). There was even an actual horse that we got to pet. 

Later before dinner, there was a tournament, where the counselors pretended to be knights and jousted. It was so funny! Our cabin leader, Sam won the tournament too. 

After dinner, the dance began. I wore my purple blouse, my black jacket, bluejeans, black shoes, my purple eye shadow, and my dark red lipstick. Some of the girls and I also decided to put some glitter on ourselves. I looked like Tinkerbell that was going to a rave with Ke$ha. It was all over but I loved how I looked. The music was booming and the lights were twinkling. I danced, sang, and laughed with all of my friends. Brittany and Bridy even picked me up and danced with me. The night rocked! 

Friday was bittersweet. We got our awards. I got the Adventure Award (Brittany made it). We then saw the slideshow and it made me smile. We then hung out for the rest of the day until our rides picked us up. I had some awesome experiences that week. I'll never forget it. I did miss home but I didn't want the week to end. 

Monday, June 19, 2017

Not the Poster Child

Not the Poster Child  

When I'm out and about,
Out living my life, 
I can hear people talk.
They say: 
"Aw, she's so helpless, 
 She can't walk." 
"She shouldn't be drinking alcohol or be going on dates, 
She's too disabled." 

Well, guess what, 
I'm not the poster child; 
that sad, innocent face of disability 
that needs your full attention and sympathy. 

My spirit is wild and strong; 
I'm just a young woman that loves to have fun. 
My "condition" doesn't hold me back or keep me down.
I'm sorry if you're looking for a heartbreaking story, 
You won't find it here; 
You're looking at the wrong gal. 
I'm not and never was that poster child.  😜 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Poet Notes: This poem was meant to be cheeky and sarcastic. I'm poking fun at people who treat me like I'm fragile and broken because of my CP, lol. 😁

Friday, June 9, 2017

Summer 2017!

What I Want This Summer 

  • Heart-pounding adventure 
  • Spend time with friends (yes, this includes camp) 
  • Spend time with family and party
  • Girl nights 
  • Swimming and splash pad 😎

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Stop The Blame Game (Give Compassion A Chance)

The bombing on Monday in Manchester at an Ariana Grande concert was terrifying and beyond heartbreaking. People, including children, were injured or died. The whole situation was horrific. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims. Now, in a Daily Mail article, a writer basically blames Ariana for the bombing. It suggests that her revealing outfits on stage might've angered Islamic extremists. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-4535970/JAMES-HARKIN-Ariana-Grande-symbol-Islamists-hate.html#comments 

Oh come on! DO NOT BLAME HER! I'm not a big fan of hers but this blame game is so wrong. The bombing was traumatic for her and her fans and she doesn't need the extra guilt. Evil people did this bombing out of complete hate, not because of clothing! I wish that people would stop with all of the violence and just give compassion a chance. 

In times of crisis, I believe in the saying: "Think Tink" (my way of saying "think happy thoughts") so let's watch a happy video and forget the messed up things in the world for a moment: 


Friday, May 5, 2017


Guess what, I'm going to be an aunt again! My sissy is having another baby. She's due in December, around Christmastime. I'm so happy for Amanda and Craig, and I'm so excited to have another niece or a nephew!! 😂💗

Friday, April 21, 2017

Did You Know? Did You Know?

I sort of did this on my Twitter account last night because Riverdale wasn't going to be on until next week and I was bored. I just did this on a whim but I'm also going to do it here for fun. I'm going to list some random facts about myself. If you ever wanted to know more about me, here you go! 😉

Fact #1 My favorite colors are black & purple. 💜🖤

Fact #2 My favorite songs of all time: "Lucky" by Britney Spears, "Stronger" by Britney Spears, "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin' Park, All of the songs on *NSYNC's first CD, "Lost Boy" by Ruth B, "The Vacation Song" by Shane Dawson, "You Don't Own Me" by Lesley Gore, "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley, and "Welcome to my Life" by Simple Plan. 

Fact #3 Originally, I started writing my book at age 13 on my communication board but it broke and the chapters got erased 😮 so I started over at age 18 on a laptop. 😋I'm on Chapter 56 now. I don't know what page number I'm on, lol! 😀 It's a big book right now. I haven't finish or edit it yet. 

Fact #4 I was in a K-Mart ad for shoes when I was a kid. 😎 (It was in the newspaper). 

Fact #5 I hate the sounds of balloons popping & smoke alarms going off. 🙉 I think that it's a cerebral palsy thing lol.  😁

Fact #6 My favorite places: my bedroom, the mall, Target, WalMart, the library, Taco Bell, and Wonderland Camp.

Fact #7 Favorite candy: M&M's, Peeps, and candy corn. 

Fact #8 I started writing short stories in fourth grade. 

Fact #9 I'm obsessed with Peter Pan! 💚

Fact #10 I love the Archie comics. 

Fact #11  I was in choir in junior high and high school. 

Fact #12 My best friends: Kortney, Jennifer (aka Cookie), and of course, my big sis Amanda. 💕 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A Creepy Fun Question Time: What would You Do If An Evil Mickey Mouse Tried To Eat Your Soul?

I really do love anything Disney but lately, I've been having nightmares about an evil Mickey Mouse. Don't worry, I still love Mickey and all of the characters. I'm only freaked out during the actual nightmares but when I wake up, I laugh it off and go back to loving Disney (the nightmares are probably due to all the Disney CreepyPastas that I've been reading and hearing before bed, lol). 

Question time: What would you do if an evil Mickey Mouse came out of the TV and tried to eat your soul? 

I would quickly build a huge mouse trap. When his whole body is smashed under the trap, I would pour holy water on him and run him and the trap over with my wheelchair a couple of times just make sure that he was dead. 

Disclaimer: I am a big fan of Disney. I own most of the Disney movies. I don't think that it's evil at all. This was just for creepy fun.

Do not read this entry to children!

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Saying Goodbye to Bones (Spoiler Alerts)

After twelve years, Bones aired the last episode of the series last night. There was an explosion at the lab and Temperence, aka "Bones", had slight, temporary memory loss. What tugged at my heart strings was that she could still remember things about her friends and family. She just couldn't remember the scientific stuff for a while. They finally found the bomber and Bones gradually got her memory back but the whole episode was a trip down memory lane from throughout the seasons. It also showed that characters were changing in wonderful ways. It was a happy ending. I loved it.

I've been watching this show since I was a teenager and now, at thirty, I watched it end. Saying goodbye to these characters gave me a happy but sort of melancholy feeling. It'll always be one of my favorite shows. 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Late-night Writing (Happy Weekend)

Happy weekend! I'm excited just to hang out with my sister this weekend. We'll just watch TV and eat pizza probably but it's bliss for me. Do y'all have any plans? Well, if you do, have fun! 

Smooches 💋

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

On my Own in my Bedroom (a Poem)

On my Own in my Bedroom  

I enjoy being on the own, 
being surrounded by my dear possessions in my bedroom.
It's not a time of feeling "Oh, I'm so alone"
It's a deeply satisfying time of my imagination running amok and of relaxing self-reflection.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Poet Notes: It's World Poetry Day and this poem suddenly popped in my head today. I like hanging out in my room a lot and people think that I feel lonely at times but I'm not. I'm very happy and I feel independent when I'm on my own. 

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Youtube Is Blocking LGBTQ+ Content?!

I support the LGBTQ+ community because I believe that everyone, no matter what, should have equal rights. Today, I read that Youtube is now blocking LGBTQ+ content if the Restricted Mode is on. The Restricted Mode is for blocking inappropriate content. I tested it out. I left my Restricted mode off and searched for Gigi Gorgeous's video, "I Am Transgender". While the mode was off, I found the video right away but when I turned it on and searched for the same video, it was completely gone. Then, it came back when I turned the mode back off.I would understand if the videos had too much violence, or were too offensive or too sexual and Youtube was trying to hide these things from younger viewers (I monitor what my niece watches on Youtube, I get it) but the LGBTQ+ videos that Youtube are now blocking have none of these things. It's mostly coming out videos and videos of youtubers, who already came out, sharing their feelings, thoughts, and their experiences. They're not shoving their beliefs and lifestyles down other people's throats or anything. They're exercising their right to the freedom of speech and they're just being themselves. Also, these videos could help teenagers/young adults who are unsure about their sexual orientation or who are too scared to come out. They could see what they're feeling is okay. They could see other people who are going through the same things. Being something else other than straight isn't inappropriate or offensive. I hope that Youtube will change this.