Friday, August 11, 2017

Fiction Can Be a Comfort

At first Mrs. Darling did not know, but after thinking back into her childhood she just remembered a Peter Pan who was said to live with the fairies. There were odd stories about him, as that when children died he went part of the way with them, so that they should not be frightened. 
----Peter and Wendy, Chapter 1, J.M. Barrie   

To our baby girl who we never got to meet, soar among the stars and always know that we all love you. 💗💖🌟🕂

Monday, July 31, 2017

Happy Birthday Harry Potter!

Happy birthday Harry Potter! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈

Thursday, July 27, 2017

My Riverdale and "Bughead" Obsession

Most of you know that I love the TV show Riverdale (a show based off of the Archie Comics). In the show, there is a romantic relationship between Betty Cooper and Jughead Jones (aka Bughead) and I'm obsessed. It's so damn cute! 😍 Some fans of the original comics say that it doesn't make sense but I think that it does. In the original comics, they were very close and always had each other's backs. Also, come on, it's just adorable! 💕 They're #RelationshipGoals . 

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

When a Disney Girl is Sarcastic

Disclaimer: This is just a joke.
I was watching Disney's Robin Hood yesterday because it’s one of my favorites and when this song came on (the video above ⇧⇧⇧⇧) , I thought of Trump. Like Prince John, he's a selfish, whiny, greedy leader who is really just a bully. Lol! 
"The snivellin’, grovellin’. 
Measly, weasely,
Blabberin’, jabberin’, 
Gibberin’, jabberin’, 
Blunderin’, plunderin’,
Wheelin’, dealin’, 
Don Trump, that phony president of the U.S.A. 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

the Dark Angel

the Dark Angel 

There was once a dark angel; 
With a heart of Heavenly light
but with a damned soul from a demonic kiss, 
from the darkest night. 
She traded in her holy grace for lust and sinful powers.
This fallen angel used her tainted powers to protect all of the Lord's children. 
No harm ever came to them.  

On the night of their birth,
she gave herself their sicknesses, 
their pain, 
their fears and heartbreaks. 
The babes could live happily in the sunlight, 
While she dwelled in agony in the quiet darkness. 

At the end of each night, 
her demon lover would carry her away 
with its wings wrapped around her almost limp body. 
Every night, 
At their hellish tower, 
In their unholy bed,
she would whisper into its ear: 

"No child will know hurt or fear, 
They have my life and my word."
"I will always be there, 
fighting the cruelties of this world."

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Monday, July 10, 2017



If I saw eighty-eight million stars, 
I would wish to laugh with you forever. 
If I had eighty-eight zillion time machines, 
I would relive the moments when we would walk alone in the woods 
over and over;
talking, teasing, listening to music.
Being around you is such magic.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Poet Notes: This little, random poem that popped in my head today is about someone who makes me happy. 💜💚 I won’t say who. I want to give y’all some sense of mystery. 😉 Btw, the number 88 has no deep meaning, just my favorite number, lol! 😜

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Wonderland Camp, June 2017

I had lots of fun at Wonderland Camp last week! I saw my old friends: Brittany, Bridy, Lexi, Ann, Shelby, Becky, Jeff, Jason, Mark, Dustin, and Jennifer (aka "Cookie"). I also made new friends: Sam, Remi, Yaw, and Kortney (different girl, same spelling lol). It was medieval week. On Sunday, we had a pool party. Cookie, Brittany, Yaw, and I hung out on the splash pad and the water was slightly cold but it was fun. Then, we ate heavenly delicious s'mores. I also hung out with Jeff and Mark at the campfire. It was a great evening.

On Monday, we shot bb guns in the morning. Kortney helped me but I pulled the trigger on my own and I hit the target once. After shooting, we went on the wobbly bridge and did the zip-line. The zip-line was so much fun! It felt like I was Peter Pan flying above the trees. It tickled my stomach and couldn't stop screaming out of happiness. (Video is down below). 


Then, for Free-Flow (free time), Cookie, Kortney, Yaw, and I hung out on the splash pad again. What can I say? Cookie and I love that thing! 

Later that evening, we had a race. It was a riot to drive my wheelchair fast.

On Tuesday, we had Archery and shot hay-bale targets.Then, we had Music with Dustin and we played our version of Charades. We were split up into two groups and we acted out and sang things for the other group to guess the words/phrases/movie titles. As our "prize", we got to do funny things to Dustin like pouring ice down his shirt and pouring paint or baby powder on his head. It was hilarious! Later that afternoon, Cookie and I went on the huge swing. They pulled us way high, it dropped, and we swung up in the air. (Video is down below).  

It felt like we were flying at supersonic speed. My heart was pounding, my stomach did flip-flops, and I was screaming/laughing. It was so awesome!! For Free-Flow, we sang karaoke. I sang "1985" by Bowling For Soup. Later that night, Cookie, Brittany, Bridy, Ann, and I slept outside in the Rec field in a tent. I never slept outside before in my life and it was fun. The camp was very pretty at night. 

On Wednesday, we had Nature in the morning and we made name tags with sticks and paper. Then in Arts and Crafts, we tie-dyed our camp shirts and my shirt was purple, orange, and green. I also made a paper bookmark. After Crafts, we had Rec and did bowling using pins and a beach ball. I was being funny and sort of cheated. I crashed my wheelchair into the pins, knocking them over. Everyone was cracking up. Later that afternoon, we rode a pirate ship and it was coolest! It looked like Captain Hook's ship.   


I loved it! Later for Free-Flow, I went to talent show practice. I was going to sing Ruth B's "Lost Boy" for my talent. 

Later that evening, the talent show began. It was so sweet, entertaining, and funny. 

Thursday was "camp day". It basically became a Renaissance fair with costumes, battles, a castle, and stuff. There was banner making and "sorcery" (cool science tricks). There was even an actual horse that we got to pet. 

Later before dinner, there was a tournament, where the counselors pretended to be knights and jousted. It was so funny! Our cabin leader, Sam won the tournament too. 

After dinner, the dance began. I wore my purple blouse, my black jacket, bluejeans, black shoes, my purple eye shadow, and my dark red lipstick. Some of the girls and I also decided to put some glitter on ourselves. I looked like Tinkerbell that was going to a rave with Ke$ha. It was all over but I loved how I looked. The music was booming and the lights were twinkling. I danced, sang, and laughed with all of my friends. Brittany and Bridy even picked me up and danced with me. The night rocked! 

Friday was bittersweet. We got our awards. I got the Adventure Award (Brittany made it). We then saw the slideshow and it made me smile. We then hung out for the rest of the day until our rides picked us up. I had some awesome experiences that week. I'll never forget it. I did miss home but I didn't want the week to end. 

Monday, June 19, 2017

Not the Poster Child

Not the Poster Child  

When I'm out and about,
Out living my life, 
I can hear people talk.
They say: 
"Aw, she's so helpless, 
 She can't walk." 
"She shouldn't be drinking alcohol or be going on dates, 
She's too disabled." 

Well, guess what, 
I'm not the poster child; 
that sad, innocent face of disability 
that needs your full attention and sympathy. 

My spirit is wild and strong; 
I'm just a young woman that loves to have fun. 
My "condition" doesn't hold me back or keep me down.
I'm sorry if you're looking for a heartbreaking story, 
You won't find it here; 
You're looking at the wrong gal. 
I'm not and never was that poster child.  😜 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Poet Notes: This poem was meant to be cheeky and sarcastic. I'm poking fun at people who treat me like I'm fragile and broken because of my CP, lol. 😁

Friday, June 9, 2017

Summer 2017!

What I Want This Summer 

  • Heart-pounding adventure 
  • Spend time with friends (yes, this includes camp) 
  • Spend time with family and party
  • Girl nights 
  • Swimming and splash pad 😎

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Stop The Blame Game (Give Compassion A Chance)

The bombing on Monday in Manchester at an Ariana Grande concert was terrifying and beyond heartbreaking. People, including children, were injured or died. The whole situation was horrific. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims. Now, in a Daily Mail article, a writer basically blames Ariana for the bombing. It suggests that her revealing outfits on stage might've angered Islamic extremists. 

Oh come on! DO NOT BLAME HER! I'm not a big fan of hers but this blame game is so wrong. The bombing was traumatic for her and her fans and she doesn't need the extra guilt. Evil people did this bombing out of complete hate, not because of clothing! I wish that people would stop with all of the violence and just give compassion a chance. 

In times of crisis, I believe in the saying: "Think Tink" (my way of saying "think happy thoughts") so let's watch a happy video and forget the messed up things in the world for a moment: 


Friday, May 5, 2017


Guess what, I'm going to be an aunt again! My sissy is having another baby. She's due in December, around Christmastime. I'm so happy for Amanda and Craig, and I'm so excited to have another niece or a nephew!! 😂💗

Friday, April 21, 2017

Did You Know? Did You Know?

I sort of did this on my Twitter account last night because Riverdale wasn't going to be on until next week and I was bored. I just did this on a whim but I'm also going to do it here for fun. I'm going to list some random facts about myself. If you ever wanted to know more about me, here you go! 😉

Fact #1 My favorite colors are black & purple. 💜🖤

Fact #2 My favorite songs of all time: "Lucky" by Britney Spears, "Stronger" by Britney Spears, "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin' Park, All of the songs on *NSYNC's first CD, "Lost Boy" by Ruth B, "The Vacation Song" by Shane Dawson, "You Don't Own Me" by Lesley Gore, "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley, and "Welcome to my Life" by Simple Plan. 

Fact #3 Originally, I started writing my book at age 13 on my communication board but it broke and the chapters got erased 😮 so I started over at age 18 on a laptop. 😋I'm on Chapter 56 now. I don't know what page number I'm on, lol! 😀 It's a big book right now. I haven't finish or edit it yet. 

Fact #4 I was in a K-Mart ad for shoes when I was a kid. 😎 (It was in the newspaper). 

Fact #5 I hate the sounds of balloons popping & smoke alarms going off. 🙉 I think that it's a cerebral palsy thing lol.  😁

Fact #6 My favorite places: my bedroom, the mall, Target, WalMart, the library, Taco Bell, and Wonderland Camp.

Fact #7 Favorite candy: M&M's, Peeps, and candy corn. 

Fact #8 I started writing short stories in fourth grade. 

Fact #9 I'm obsessed with Peter Pan! 💚

Fact #10 I love the Archie comics. 

Fact #11  I was in choir in junior high and high school. 

Fact #12 My best friends: Kortney, Jennifer (aka Cookie), and of course, my big sis Amanda. 💕 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A Creepy Fun Question Time: What would You Do If An Evil Mickey Mouse Tried To Eat Your Soul?

I really do love anything Disney but lately, I've been having nightmares about an evil Mickey Mouse. Don't worry, I still love Mickey and all of the characters. I'm only freaked out during the actual nightmares but when I wake up, I laugh it off and go back to loving Disney (the nightmares are probably due to all the Disney CreepyPastas that I've been reading and hearing before bed, lol). 

Question time: What would you do if an evil Mickey Mouse came out of the TV and tried to eat your soul? 

I would quickly build a huge mouse trap. When his whole body is smashed under the trap, I would pour holy water on him and run him and the trap over with my wheelchair a couple of times just make sure that he was dead. 

Disclaimer: I am a big fan of Disney. I own most of the Disney movies. I don't think that it's evil at all. This was just for creepy fun.

Do not read this entry to children!

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Saying Goodbye to Bones (Spoiler Alerts)

After twelve years, Bones aired the last episode of the series last night. There was an explosion at the lab and Temperence, aka "Bones", had slight, temporary memory loss. What tugged at my heart strings was that she could still remember things about her friends and family. She just couldn't remember the scientific stuff for a while. They finally found the bomber and Bones gradually got her memory back but the whole episode was a trip down memory lane from throughout the seasons. It also showed that characters were changing in wonderful ways. It was a happy ending. I loved it.

I've been watching this show since I was a teenager and now, at thirty, I watched it end. Saying goodbye to these characters gave me a happy but sort of melancholy feeling. It'll always be one of my favorite shows. 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Late-night Writing (Happy Weekend)

Happy weekend! I'm excited just to hang out with my sister this weekend. We'll just watch TV and eat pizza probably but it's bliss for me. Do y'all have any plans? Well, if you do, have fun! 

Smooches 💋

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

On my Own in my Bedroom (a Poem)

On my Own in my Bedroom  

I enjoy being on the own, 
being surrounded by my dear possessions in my bedroom.
It's not a time of feeling "Oh, I'm so alone"
It's a deeply satisfying time of my imagination running amok and of relaxing self-reflection.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Poet Notes: It's World Poetry Day and this poem suddenly popped in my head today. I like hanging out in my room a lot and people think that I feel lonely at times but I'm not. I'm very happy and I feel independent when I'm on my own. 

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Youtube Is Blocking LGBTQ+ Content?!

I support the LGBTQ+ community because I believe that everyone, no matter what, should have equal rights. Today, I read that Youtube is now blocking LGBTQ+ content if the Restricted Mode is on. The Restricted Mode is for blocking inappropriate content. I tested it out. I left my Restricted mode off and searched for Gigi Gorgeous's video, "I Am Transgender". While the mode was off, I found the video right away but when I turned it on and searched for the same video, it was completely gone. Then, it came back when I turned the mode back off.I would understand if the videos had too much violence, or were too offensive or too sexual and Youtube was trying to hide these things from younger viewers (I monitor what my niece watches on Youtube, I get it) but the LGBTQ+ videos that Youtube are now blocking have none of these things. It's mostly coming out videos and videos of youtubers, who already came out, sharing their feelings, thoughts, and their experiences. They're not shoving their beliefs and lifestyles down other people's throats or anything. They're exercising their right to the freedom of speech and they're just being themselves. Also, these videos could help teenagers/young adults who are unsure about their sexual orientation or who are too scared to come out. They could see what they're feeling is okay. They could see other people who are going through the same things. Being something else other than straight isn't inappropriate or offensive. I hope that Youtube will change this. 


Thursday, March 9, 2017

Question Time: What Would You Do If a Serial Killer Was Coming After You?

What would you do if a serial killer was coming after you? 

I would run the killer over with my wheelchair repeatedly,crushing all of the bones in the killer's body and making blood squirt out of the killer's nose and mouth until the killer would squeal for mercy and die. 

Disclaimer: I'm not a violent person at all. This is written for fun.I just have a dark and twisted imagination at times.Violence is never the answer. However, I would run over someone's ass though if they threatened my life or my family's lives.

Friday, March 3, 2017

This Weekend

I just want to relax this weekend: read, maybe write, and binge on SVU reruns and Youtube videos. I'm feeling like blahhh at the moment so I'm hoping for a laid back weekend. I just want the simple things so I can think Tink. 


"THE LOTTERY" (Shane Dawson's Short Film)

If you need something to cheer you up, watch Shane's short film, "The Lottery" from December. It's hilarious and heart-warming. ⇧ I love it.  

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

My Mind (a Poem)

My Mind  

My mind  is a labyrinth. 
Each turn is an adventure, 
A wall is sometimes a puzzle to solve. 
Sometimes I want out, 
sometimes it's my only escape. 
I'm the mistress of my thoughts. 
My secrets, you won't be able to possess; 
I'm reckless, obsessive, imaginative. 
There are things that others won't comprehend, 
things that others won't believe, 
but this is my mind. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017 

Author Notes: This poem just popped into my head. My imagination is a surreal but yet twisted place.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Can I Have This Dance? (a dream entry)

Before you read about my awesome, romantic dream that I had last night, I wanted you to know that this entry isn't for Valentine's day. I won't totally go into my anti-Valentine's Day rant again (most of you already know how I feel about this day) but I don't think that we need a holiday for us to have love and romance. With that said, here's what happened in my dream: 

I was at a dance in a fancy ballroom. I was wearing a flowing, powder blue dress (I've always wanted a dress like Wendy Darling in real life). 

The characters from the Archie comics and Disney characters were there.  

My mom was my chaperone for some odd reason, (lol). Then, Shane Dawson and Lily Marston walked in.  

I wanted to ask Shane to dance but I was too nervous. Lily was dancing with Archie. Veronica Lodge then encouraged me to go over and talk to Shane. I slowly walked towards him and tapped his shoulder. 

"Hi Lena," he said with a grin, turning around to face me. I didn't know how he knew my name but I didn't care. We were talking and he was so funny and sweet of course. Then, a slow song came on. 

Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, I asked: "Wanna dance?" 

"I can try," he smiled shyly. 

He slowly twirled me towards him. His hands were on my waist and my arms were around his neck. We were swaying back and forth, smiling and laughing. It felt like we were gliding around the dance floor. I rested my head on his shoulder for a few minutes and as everyone watched us dance, I gradually woke up to my mom's voice.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

New Poem: Suddenly I Pray

Suddenly I Pray  

I watch the craziness, the violence on the news; 
I see the anger, the fear, the confusion on people's faces. 
Suddenly, I start praying; 
Praying to a wonderful god who watches over us, 
to a loving god who I think that others forget exist. 
Like a father with his child, 
He loves us no matter what 
and nothing will change that fact.

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017

Author Notes: I heard this poem (believe it or not) in a dream last night. Eh, the news these days has been rough.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Please Help the American Cancer Society

Hey Y'all,

My friend Jeff is organizing a team and participating in a relay to help raise money for the American Cancer Society. He's very passionate about this cause and I'm so proud of him. Please donate (if you can) and support him. For his info, go to: 


Smooches! 💋 

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Poem: My World

My World 

If you could step into my mind,
see what I see,
maybe you would understand what I'm sometimes feeling. 
I know that my twisted, outlandish fantasies aren't real 
but living in my own imaginary world of magical creatures, silly characters, Youtubers, and pop stars is how I deal.
Ordinary things sometimes seem to be too serious and cynical. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2017

Author Notes: This doesn't have a very deep meaning. I made this poem up off the top of my head. It's silly. This is about how I escape into my imagination sometimes, lol. 😃😜 

Friday, January 27, 2017

My Thoughts on Riverdale

Riverdale premiered last night and I loved it. Before the premiere, I was a little concerned that it was going to be too dark, considering it's based on the Archie comics. The Archie comics, which I adore, are usually bubbly and funny but Riverdale is cool. Yes, it's darker but it's still about Archie. Quirky Archie Andrews is just sexier than before (like he has finally hit puberty lol). 

I love that an emo Jughead is narrating the show and I love that it's a teenage murder-mystery. Cheryl Blossom's twin brother, Jason "drowns" in the river on the fourth of July but his body isn't found until later. There's mystery about the actual cause of Jason's death.

Veronica is still bossy and bitchy (lol) like in the comics but in the show, she's bitchy only to the mean people. She isn't the queen bee either and she's very nice to Betty. Betty, who's surprisingly my favorite Archie girl, is still a goody-goody like in the comics but in the show, her mother seems unstable and controlling. The infamous love triangle between Archie, Betty, and Veronica in the comics isn't on the show but it's obvious that both girls like him. Archie is also keeping a serious secret but I don't want to give anything away. I can't wait until next week. You should watch!

Tuesday, January 24, 2017


Two years ago, Shane Dawson came out as bi-sexual and he recently told everyone that he was dating Ryland Adams, who considers himself as gay. They are a very cute couple. I'm over the moon that Shane met someone and that he's being himself. I'm totally team Shyland but even though it's 2017, not everybody is as open-minded. Last night, they were kicked out from a military party for holding hands and for not being straight. As they were being kicked out, a security guard also hurt Shane's leg. This whole situation pisses me off and breaks my heart! 

  Not just because I'm a huge Shane Dawson fan (it's much more than that today) but because it's damn discrimination and a hate crime! This is a free country and love is beautiful, not a sin, no matter what your sexual orientation is. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? Shane, Ryland, or anyone, period, shouldn't be treated that way! 👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍👩🌈 

What goes around comes around. 😡 

I love you Shane and Ryland! 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Smooches 💋