the Forgotten Never Forget

I’m watching you tonight with a soundless, shattered heart. I watch you longingly as you type a text on your phone, chuckling at a comedian on television. It’s been four years since you graduated and came home from college. When you, Peter, left town, you were the eighteen-year-old boy with alluring eyes and smile who I met that summer and promised to be my best friend forever. I, Marie, was the young, pony tailed girl who idolized everything you did and always wanted to be near you. All that hot summer, we were attached to the hip, racing up and down the street, jumping in the lake, and dancing underneath the bright moonlight with a Jason Aldean song softly playing on the radio in your truck. Everything was perfect until August. I even knew back then that you would forget about me. I already saw the distance in your eyes and it hurt inside but I had to let you go and I vowed to myself to wait for you anyway. As time went by and I waited for the letters that were never written, I faded away from your memory. Now you have a brand new life, never noticing that I’m still waiting.

I cry, I scream, standing right in front of you but you don’t see me. You feel the coldness of my despair but you just cover yourself up with a sheet. I furiously throw a newspaper across the room and pages fly everywhere. You just pick them up but what you read stops you in your tracks. It’s the obituaries. When you see my picture and name, all of the color leaves your face. I’ve died last week, having drank some poison one night. They found my body with Jason Aldean gently singing on my CD player in my car underneath the moonlight. Where were you? I was all alone!

“Oh Marie…,” you said with a quiver in your voice, looking sorrowfully at my picture. Tears are building up in your eyes. As you glance up into the mirror in front of you, you finally see me in the reflection. You drop the paper at your feet. My pale, lifeless, tragic face stares at you with blood tears rolling down my cheeks. You can’t talk, barely breathing. You put a hand on the mirror. Then, you can finally hear my voice.

I tenderly whisper, “Remember me Peter?” You just nod your head, weeping too hard now to speak.

“I just want you to know,” I continue, “that even though you forgot all about me, I never forgot you. I waited everyday for my best friend! I might have never had said this to you before but I truly love you Peter and never stopped when you left. When I realized that you even forgot that I existed, I lost something inside. I think that I was already dead before the poison. I love you and always will!”

All that you can do is cry as I finish my last sentence. With passion and slight rage, I then punch the glass of the mirror, smashing it and I disappear. You fall onto your knees, feeling ashamed, lost, and heartbroken. You try and try to get me to come back but I don’t. I can still hear your voice though. You are whimpering nonstop, “I love you too, I love you too Marie, I’m so sorry.”


(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

*COMPLETELY FICTIONAL* I was thinking about stuff one late Friday night and this story just popped in my head. I was also inspired by the song above: "Miss Invisible" by Marie Digby.

NKOTBSB Concert and Harry Potter Movie

Last week, I went to the New Kids On The Block and Backstreet Boys concert and last Sunday, I saw the last Harry Potter movie. The concert was awesome! I went with my sister Amanda. Our seats were high but the stage was still so close to us, which was amazing. One of the opening acts were Matthew Morrison from Glee. He was very good. He really could sing and he was funny. Both New Kids and Backstreet Boys were great! They sang all of our favorites. Amanda and I were screaming, singing, and dancing. It was also exciting to see Nick Carter and Joey McIntyre live.  They were still dreamy. ;-) 
On Sunday, Mom and I saw Harry Potter. I loved it! They made the movie like the book as much as they could. It was bittersweet to see it all end.

Just Thoughts Of Wisdom

Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, relaying on loved ones isn’t a sign of helplessness. Opening up to people doesn’t make you pathetic. When life turns unfair and dark, you shouldn’t just quit. Showing emotions makes you human. Just remember that God is always with you.



(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

Perfect World

Love the lyrics to this song!

My Awesome Family

My family is awesome! We've always been tight. No matter what life throws at us, we face it together. Nobody's perfect but we're always there for each other. I love my family so much! I thank God for them every single day!

The Happy Single Queen

Some women my age are so blindly involved in dating. They’re desperately searching for Mr. Perfect, kissing every “frog” no matter how slimy they are but I’m different. Yes, once upon a time, I was that girl who thought that finding a man was key to happiness but after several cheaters and after the demented, torture-fascinated guy who I’m pretty sure was the Jack the Ripper of 2011, that belief soon changed. I’m not saying that I completely gave up on romance. I still have the sweetest fantasies about romance but I’m just not that helpless princess who was waiting longingly up in her tower for knight in shining armor to save her anymore. I’m the single and extremely happy queen who is enjoying life on her own. I’m very open minded and I still daydream. If romance wants to make a comeback and if there’s a guy out there who will prove that he’s my king, I’m all for it. He just have to be worthy enough to be with me and impress me in a major way.


(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

Dear Max

Dear Max,
If you ever read this,
I just want you to know how important you are to me.
You’re my best friend, my safe haven, my fantasy, my light.
When I’m around you,
everything feels so right.
My heart feels joyful and protected.
We do the silliest things,
Like running up and down the street,
like spinning around and around till we’re dizzy.
I can do nothing but smile when you’re near,
You sing to me and the world disappears.
I don’t care about the words,
The beauty is in your voice.
I know that I can never be your girl
that my dream of us can’t ever come true
but I needed to say at lease on paper that my feelings are real.
I truly love you.
You might think that you’re just an ordinary guy
but to me, you’re more special than the moon in the sky.


(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2011

Max is made up! ;-)

Wonderland Camp 2011

 

Last week, Wonderland Camp at the Lake of the Ozarks was fun. I saw my old friends: Kortney, Mary, Angie, Joe, Kelsey, Ashley, Toby, Dustin, Lois, and Alena. I also made some new friends: Erika, Hope, Taylor, Colleen, Rachel, and Heather. It felt so good to be surrounded by all those caring people. It felt like I was at my second home. On Sunday, we had the pool party. Beach balls were flying and people were hollering all around me. The water was chilly but it was very fun. I swam with Erika and we goofed around with Joe. He was so funny. He was trying to give me a mohawk with my wet hair.

On Monday morning, it was raining cats and dogs so we had inside activities. At first, in the game room, I was writing a song with Dustin on the back of the coloring page. Then, I made bead bracelets with Joe in the dinning hall (he loves driving my chair). My bracelet was so cool! The beads glowed in the dark. That afternoon, we played bingo and Joe sat by me. That evening was karaoke night. After five years of camp, I finally talked Kortney into singing with me while Kelsey held the microphone for us. We sang “Because Of You” by Kelly Clarkson. We rocked!

On Tuesday, it was raining again and we had inside activities. I doodled pictures with some friends until lunchtime. By the afternoon, the rain stopped and we rode the boat. The boat ride was very bumpy but entertaining. After the boat ride, while the rest of my cabin took a nap, I decided to go up in the tree house to see Joe and play “nature bingo”. That evening was movie night. We saw “Up”. It was a cute movie. I liked the talking dogs in it. After the movie, Joe drove me to my cabin at the highest speed. It was hilarious. He was zigzagging my chair down the sidewalk. The other counselors and campers were giggling and I was laughing so hard. Joe is so much fun!

On Wednesday, we had Crafts, Rec, and Music. In Crafts, we tie-dyed our camp shirts. My shirt was purple and blue with a tiny bit of pink in the middle (I can’t stand pink but they only had three colors). My shirt was cool though. In Rec, we tossed the ball to each other. In music, we practiced for the talent show for a while and then Dustin sung and played some songs on the piano. He was so good. That afternoon, during pool time, I went to the splash pad. The splash pad was like a mini water park above the pool. Water was shooting out from pipes everywhere and they ran me through it in a shower chair. The water was ice cold but it was awesome! That evening was the talent show. While waiting for our turn to perform, Joe sat by me and Kortney and sung every song. Both Kortney and I couldn’t help but to laugh. It was darling (yes, I said darling).  It’s the silliest moments that I remember. For our group talent, my cabin performed “Come On, Ride The Train” and went around the room, doing the arm motions. For my individual talent, I sang “Crazy” by Britney Spears. That night was a blast!

On Thursday, we had Nature and Music. In Nature, we shot BB guns. Joe helped me and I got a perfect bull’s-eye. In Music, we played random instruments. Then all that afternoon, the girls got ready for the dance, listening to soothing music. Ashley painted my nails dark gray and Mary spiked my hair. After dinner was the dance. I wore a dark purple and blue top, my favorite skinny jeans, a black bow on the side of my head, and my black shoes. The dinning hall was crowded, my spinning lights were bright, and the music was just blaring. I danced with everyone including, Dustin, Kortney, Taylor, and Colleen, but I danced with Joe the most. He was twirling around and around, being goofy. I was beyond dizzy, people’s faces and shapes blurring together for a second, but I didn’t care. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster. I was with my friends, surrounded by loud music, and I was in heaven.

On Friday, the last day, we had awards. I got the “Lone Wolf Bingo Player” award for being the only one in my cabin who played bingo in Nature. I also got the “Crazy Driver” award for speeding (as a joke). People were signing each other’s shirts and saying goodbye. Then, as my parents pulled up, Joe raced my chair to my cabin one more time and he gave a big hug. I always find Fridays bittersweet because of all the farewells but I always know that I’ll be back soon. Camp won’t ever change and the memories are engraved in my mind. I can’t wait until next time!

The Impairy Story: Part 2 is posted!!!

A new chapter of The Impairy Story is written! The impairy stories are fun to write and hope that you like this chapter. To read it, go to: http://storywrite.com/list/522165-The_Impairy_Story  or http://impaires.blogspot.com/ . I was thinking about making it a 10 or 15 series instead of just 3 or 5. What do you think?

Scotty Mccreery: the 2011 American Idol

Scotty won Idol last night and I was ecstatic! He became my favorite after James Durbin, who should've been in the Top 2, got kicked off. Scotty is a good country singer and such a sweetheart. His single "Love You This Big" is a darling song. I'm probably going to ask my sister to download it off of i-tunes soon because I love it so much. Yay Scotty!!!  

Hello!

Hi everyone,

How are you? I just want to give you an update. I've been studying and writing off and on (though I keep on getting writer's block). I've been writing Part 2 of the Impairy Story. I think that after this online class that I'm slowly taking, I'll write the impairy story all day and night. I just need to focus one day and not get on Facebook :) . Last Friday, I went to Mrs. "Grandma" Allen's retirement party. She was my high school teacher and we call her Grandma because being in her classroom felt like going to your grandma's house (baking cookies and love). It was fun. All of my best friends came together. I love Grandma Allen. Last Saturday, I went to the Renaissance Fair where people are dressed in costumes. It was a blast! They had shows, games, and shops. I saw people dressed as fairies, kings and queens, knights, and elves. This one elf was so hot with long hair and leather clothes :) ! Well, that's about it. Later!