Never Forget September 11th

 

Never 

Forget 

Think 

Tink.

Smooches.

Wendy Shouldn't Have Grown Up (my Wendy Darling/Peter Pan video edit)

 

Wendy Darling regrets growing up and misses Peter Pan and Neverland. 

Click to watch:

 Song: Homecoming Queen? 

By: Kelsea Ballerini 

I do not own to the rights to the art and music. 

Smooches and think Tink!

Happy Birthday Sis! 🍰🎈💟

 

Happy birthday to the greatest big sis and my best friend: Amanda! 

I love you. 

Smooches and think Tink! 

Happy 33rd Birthday Shane Dawson! 🎂💙

 

Happy birthday Shane! I hope that you have an awesome, awesome day with family and friends!! You mean so much to fans and we think that you deserve only happiness. 💙 

I 💖 you Baby Boy! 😘 

Smooches and think Tink! 💋🧚🏻‍♂️

JUST SHUT UP, THAT'S ENOUGH!

 

Since 2020, strangers on Twitter have tried to tell me not to like Shane Dawson anymore. I'm used to it and I usually just ignore it. I love Shane and no one will change it.  Tonight, it wasn't a random person. It was another Youtuber named That Creepy Reading, whom I used to watch all the time. He was picking on me on Twitter for being a Shane Dawson stan, accusing me of "blind celebrity worshipping." When in reality, I think that he was just upset that I was defending Shane.

THAT'S IT, THAT'S ENOUGH! 😡 I'm done being nice! No one can tell me what to do or think. I HAVE MY OWN MIND! If you don't like that or you insist on hopping on the hate Shane Dawson bandwagon without knowing the full story, JUST GET OUT OF MY WAY! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!! You're just hating Shane and turning him into the YouTube villain so you can seem "woke." Yes, I'm a stan (an extreme fan-girl at times) but I'm not brainless! I just can't stand seeing Shane get targeted by hate repeatedly, almost on a loop, over things that he did and/or said years ago and I'm sick and tired of cancel culture!!!! ANYTHING AND ANYONE CAN BE CANCELED OVER THE SLIGHTEST THING NOWADAYS! ALSO, ARE PEOPLE REALLY GOING TO PUNISH SHANE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE FOR PAST MISTAKES?! HE HAS GROWN FROM THESE MISTAKES AND EDUCATED HIMSELF. HE KNOWS THAT THOSE THINGS WERE WRONG!!!!!!

That Creepy Reading, you hurt my feelings, tried to make me feel ashamed for liking Shane (but failed), and embarrassed me. I didn't want you to jump to conclusions about Shane from just watching clips of old videos. When I asked you if you thoroughly researched for your upcoming "Worse Youtubers" video, you sent me such an arrogant reply. You're going to add to the lies about Shane but that's okay. You just lost a subscriber. Whatever you say will come back to you three-fold, dude. 

 Smooches and think Tink 💋 🧚 

Ah, I feel better...or do I? 😜

Wonderland Camp: June 2021

 

On June 20th, I spent a week at Wonderland Camp at the Lake of Ozarks. I was very excited and a bit jiggery because I hadn't been there for almost two years but I was ready to embrace new adventures! It was pirate week and I was in Alice Hall B cabin. I saw my old friends: Ann, Cookie, Kayde, Shauna, Jeff, Jay, Mark, Ty, and Caili. I also made some new friends: Becca, Alyssa, Kraylin, Shelby, Monique, Logan, and Ryan. On Sunday, Cookie, Ann, and I spent the evening playing on the splash pad. 

It was so much fun to just run in and out of the water. I've missed that thing! Then, we ate some gooey and scrumptious s'mores by the campfire, laughing with friends. Even Kortney Keith facetimed me and we talked. It was a good night. 

On Monday morning, we rode the tractor down to the water front and rode the boat. I sat by Alyssa while Ann and Cookie sat across from me. It was a little cold and cloudy while we were on the water but we all were bundled with blankets and our hoodies. The waves, as the boat sped through the water, made the boat rock up and down. I didn't fall asleep this time. I was laughing and talking with people. I was also looking at the huge condos, as we sped by. I wondered if rich people were staying by the camp because the condos looked like castles on the water. 

During rest time, Cookie and I were about to relax and read my Betty & Veronica comic in a swing, when Shauna drove by in the golf-cart. 

Cookie loves riding the golf-cart so we asked for a ride. We were ecstatic when she said yes. 

Cookie and I squealed and giggled, as we sped around camp. My heart was racing and my stomach was being tickled from the inside. The golf-cart ride felt like a bumpy rollercoaster while wind hit our faces and we waved hi at people that were walking by. It was so much fun! 

Later that afternoon, we climbed the rock wall. I like going all the way to the top. The view is awesome! I feel like an enormous giant, looking down at the world.

After the rock wall, Cookie, Ann, Kraylin, and I did the wobbly bridge and the zipline at the treehouse. The wobbly bridge moves back and forth. It wasn't the wisest idea for me to drive on it on my own, especially when I can barely drive my wheelchair straight in the first place, lol. It was so easy to imagine falling off the edge, plummeting to my death like some scene from Final Destination (lol) but it gave me an adrenaline rush. I only hit the mesh sides twice and Kraylin helped me across at the end.

Then, I went on the zipline. I've always loved the thing. It gets my blood pumping! When I zoom across, I feel like Peter Pan, flying above the trees. I can see the whole camp from the treetops. It's fun and feels so freeing. 

Later in the evening, we built carboard ships to race. I played with slime from Shelby's craft bag while the counselors were cutting out our cabin's ship. I'll admit that I was more interested in the slime than the ship making. (Sorry not sorry, lol). The ship races were then in the pool and campers cheered on for their cabins. It was a nice night. 

On Tuesday morning, we got to shoot "pirates" (aka the counselors) with water guns. It was so funny to see the "pirates"  running around. 

Alyssa was helping me shoot and we were belly laughing. My water gun was sort of broke and leaked on me, making me soaked, as I was shooting. I had a blast! 

Then, in Arts and Crafts, I tie-dyed a new camp shirt, using watermelon colors with a splash of purple. I also drew some pictures of Slenderman, Blair Witch stick figures, and Peter Pan on the back of coloring pages. I wonder if I sometimes creep out the staff, lol. After Crafts, we had Archery. Kraylin helped me aim and shoot.  I only hit  the target with one arrow but I had a good time. 

During rest time, Becca and I went on a walk. Even though I'm not an outdoors person, I thought that the woods were pretty. It looked like a bright water painting. For free time, Cookie, Ann, Shelby, and I went to the splash pad. The water was colder but felt good because of the hot day. 

Later in the evening, it was the camp carnival. Cookie and I played a few games. We also hung out with Jeff, Jay, and Mark for a while but we winded up just relaxing and people-watching for the rest of it. It was a good day.  

On Wednesday morning, we had Music. We listened to our favorite songs and played games. The games were like Candy Crush but were projected onto the chapel's floor so people could roll and/or stomp on the targets. It was cool. 

After Music, we had Arts and Crafts. We got to paint on counselors with brushes. I got a little too into it (lol) and instead of using my brush, I began to smear paint on the counselors with my hands like finger-painting. It was so fun and satisfying.   

Later in the afternoon, we had Nature. We went on a treasure hunt. We had to look for Easter eggs for clues to a treasure chest. The treasure chest was in the sand, where people play volleyball. I got a fake emerald ring from the "treasure." 

We had pool time after rest time but Cookie and I didn't swim. We just hung out and put our feet in the water. We talked, giggled about boys like two schoolgirls (lol), tried to tan, and splashed. It was beyond relaxing. 

Much later in the evening, the talent show started. There were a lot of good songs and talents. There was even a guy that impersonated Popeye the Sailor Man. It was so entertaining! For my talent, I sang "Lost Boy"  by Ruth B. 

From the sensory/costume room, I got a green vest that reminded me of Peter Pan, a brown pirate hat, and a green, bedazzled bow-tie that I put on my wrist. 

When I got on stage, Ann and Cookie surprised me with a sign that read: Camp Mom Loves Lena (I affectionately call Cookie my camp mom all the time). The sign was so, so sweet! Everyone also liked my song. It was a wonderful show and day! 

Thursday morning was supposed to be Pirate Camp Day but it got rained out. We had to run into the crafts cabin, then our cabin, then into Miller Hall. When we got into Miller Hall, we got to watch the movie, Hook. I was of course very content. Watching any Peter Pan movie makes me happy. 

After rest time, there was a pirate show. In the show, they "taught" us how to be pirates. It was hilarious! 

After the show, I then went into Miller Hall to play games and stuff. I start playing Just Dance with people. It was fun and I was surprised that I was nailing most of the arm movements. It could be a good arm exercise for me. I was so obsessed with it! 

Then, our cabin started to get ready for the dance. I wore a multicolored, flowing, bedazzled blouse, a pair of skinny jeans, and white sneakers. I wore purple eyeshadow, put pink jewels on the corners of my eyes (I was trying something different), and wore red lipstick. I also curled and pinned up my bangs because my hair is getting long. 

After dinner, the dance started. Music boomed from Miller Hall, people were cheering, lights were spinning, as people slowly went in. You have no idea how much I missed this perfect chaos. I danced, sang at the top of my lungs, and laughed with friends all night. Cookie and I were both hyped up on Pepsi floats, lol.  I'll never forget that euphoric feeling from that night. 

Friday was bittersweet as always. A part of me was ready to go home but another part of me wanted to stay there forever. At breakfast, I got the Best Makeup Award for my look from the night before. Before my mommio and daddio picked me up, I was making a mental picture of every face, sound, and sight. I knew that I was coming back in October but this week was special. I was so happy to see Cookie and others. I was happy that I got away from the pandemic stuff for a while. Things felt normal. I'm happy that this place is my escape, my secondary home. Oh, Wonderland, I love. 

Smooches and think Tink!

Happy Birthday Granny Annie!

 

Dear Grandma, 

Happy birthday! Are they having a grand party up there for you? I bet that they are since you loved big get-togethers. Maybe you'll let someone cook for you up there. 😄 I'm going to camp on the 20th. I'm so excited about it! I know that you love my stories about camp. I miss you. We all miss and love you but we know that you'll always watch over us until we all meet again. 

Smooches and think Tink. 💋🤟🧚🦉 

My Comfort Characters

 What's a comfort character? A character that makes you feel relaxed or happy. A lot of people use their comfort characters (or “ccs”) as a coping mechanism. They imagine themselves being with the character as friends, romantic partners, or family.

Max Goof and Roxanne: 

the first movie couple that I ever shipped before the slang definition for 'shipping' was even invented.  

*** 

My Comfort Characters  

Peter Pan: Fun, brave, and mischievous. I want to be his friend and go on grand adventures. I want to be a lost girl despite being 34. I'm in such a good mood when I watch a Peter Pan movie. My worries melt away.

Max Goof: adorable, funny, sweet. I used to watch A Goofy Movie repeatedly. I love Goofy. I'm a Goofy fan but I've always been OBSESSED with Max. At 7 or 8, I said that I wanted to marry Max, lol. What can I say? I was a strange child. 😁 Max still makes me happy. He would be boyfriend material if I was a cartoon or if he was a real human, lol. 😂

  Disney's Robin Hood: heroic, compassionate, kind. This movie is underrated. I love it so much! I wish that Robin was real. He cares about the poor and the way that he looks at Maid Marian makes my heart melt. I love him.

Coraline Jones: intelligent, imaginative, brave, misunderstood. This movie is such creepy-fun (one of my dream environments). I relate to Coraline on so many levels. I sometimes get bored and long for escape. 

Jack Skellington: passionate, curious, fearsome when need be, protective. Halloween Town is my ultimate dream environment and Jack is so cool! I imagine Jack taking me on a tour of Halloween town and being my best friend, protecting me and making me laugh.

Liberty's Kids: Smart, brave, funny. This group might seem random but this 2002 PBS Kids show about the American Revolutionary War just soothes me. The three main characters; Sarah, James, and Henri comfort me. I would definitely hang out with them and go on adventures in colonial times. 

The squad on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Fearless, caring, compassionate, heroic, bad-asses. If these characters were really detectives/cops and lawyers, the world would be a better place. I like to think the squad will break down the door and protect me if I'm scared. 

©Adam, Dream Protector: Brave, mischievous, loving, extremely protective, funny, understanding, accepting, encouraging. He's an original character that I made up. I always see him in my dreams. He's a wizard and a punk rocker. We joke around, flirt, and dance. We love each other. He helps me fight the monsters/villains in my nightmares and wakes me up when the nightmares are too much. In my mind, he also holds me while I watch TV and/or when I'm sad, afraid, sick, or can't sleep. He's one of the main characters in my book that I'm writing.  

Smooches and think Tink!

2nd Vaccination 💉

 

I got my second shot! 💉 I AM NOW FULLY VACCINATED BABY!! 

Smooches and think Tink. 🧚

Poetry Is... (a poem)

 

Do you really think that a poet likes to be told how to write, 

to be told to write this but not write that? 

Poetry doesn't have to be perfect or 'correct.' 

Get off your high-horse, 

get rid of your judgmental red pen! 

Poetry is the poet's feelings,   

what's seen and what's within.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2021 

Smooches and think Tink!

My Power (a poem)

 

My imagination is my secret power; 

They're the thoughts that no one else dares to explore. 

When the norms say what I can do and what I can't, 

my dreams take flight. 

I can be the sweet 'good girl' that makes your heart flutter 

or the deadly femme fatale that seduces you right down to Hell. 

Picturesque or grotesque,

innocence or wickedness;  

It's my choice

because in my mind, 

nothing is impossible. 

I'm not bound to any limitations or rules, 

I'm in absolute control. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2021 

Smooches and think Tink!