Thank You

Thank you to those who always support, help, encourage, and love me. I love you. You're awesome! I am blessed. Happy Thanksgiving! #Family #Friends

Mad World

Just a few questions: How does vandalizing and shooting people help one's cause? How does acting like mindless, wild animals help one's cause? People are hurting and you so-called "protesters" are making it worst! #FergusonProtesters  

Wonderland Camp, Fall 2014

The weekend of October 24^th, I went to Wonderland Camp and had a blast! I saw my old friends: Dustin, Alena, Jacob, Cheryl (Jacob’s mom),  Ashlee, Shelby, Gianna, “Shirley”, Kirstie, Ann, and Jason. I also made new friends with Jacob’s sister, Hannah. On Friday, we had a campfire and it was a brisk but pretty night. We sang, told stories, and Dustin played his guitar. I hung out with Jacob, Cheryl, and Hannah at the campfire while I ate my sticky, deliciously sweet s’mores. Jacob was showing me what cool stuff he could do on his communication board. We were talking and laughing all the time. It was a great night!

On Saturday, It was nonstop fun. We didn't even really have rest time for once. It was go, go, go! I liked it. First, we did crafts. I decorated some paper skulls with some stickers and painted tiny houses. We also made some friendship bracelets. Jacob and Hannah made me an adorable bracelet with my name on it. Then, we went outside and got our faces painted. I got a skull on one cheek and crossbones on another. After the face painting, we shot BB guns. I actually hit the target without a lot of help. After shooting, we painted pumpkins. I painted my pumpkin black, purple, and red.

Later, that evening, people were getting ready for the Halloween dance.  I was a sorceress. I washed my face, painted my nails black, put on my favorite red lipstick, wore a black and red gown, a golden, star necklace, and a black cape. I also carried a wand that my mom made. Before the dance,  we got to go trick-or-treating around camp (camp is the only place where you can get back in touch with your inner-child) and go in a “haunted house.” I thought that the haunted house was going to be silly, childish with paper ghosts or something but it was legit. It was awesome! The cabin was dark and scary decorations were everywhere with spooky music playing. People in make-up and masks were crawling on the floor or jumping out. I also remember that the word REDRUM was painted on the wall. The haunted house rocked!

At the dance, everyone was in flashy costumes. There was a doctor, a Ninja Turtle, an Eskimo, a lifeguard, Gumbie, and many more. The booming music was playing in the dining hall and the always colorful lights were around me. I chased around and danced with all of my friends. I was singing at the top of my lungs and laughed so hard. It was so much fun!

On Sunday, everyone just relaxed until our rides got there. Wonderland Camp rules! Every summer and every fall is always an adventure that I’ll forever remember. The memories are imprinted on my mind for me to smile at later. I can’t wait until the next time!

  

Happy Halloween 2014

 

Me as Peter  Pan on Halloween night. 

Happy Halloween! 

I wish that I was like Peter Pan,
Just be a kid and have fun,
Believe in faith, trust, and pixie dust. 
I would never worry,
being so joyous and carefree. 
I would fly so high and so far,
touching each star.

I wish that I was like Peter Pan,
The one who wouldn't change over time.
Smiling at danger,
Escaping to Never Never Land,
my heart leaving my troubles behind. 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved

the Halloween Butterfly

Before that terrifying Halloween night, I was an elegant monarch butterfly with magnificent orange and black wings but I was very unique. First, instead of just small, white spots on my wings, I had a big skull face on each wing.  I never understood why. My wings were always that way ever since my metamorphosis to a butterfly. Secondly, while other butterflies couldn’t survive in the cold and migrated to somewhere warmer during the fall and winter, I stayed and survived. This didn’t mean that I was immortal; I could be killed by predators, humans, sickness, etc. The chill just didn’t bother me. Finally, there was one characteristic that I wish that I never had. While other butterflies remained still at night, I would flutter about into the darkness, never noticing the ominous figures in the shadows.

It was Halloween night and the wind was whistling like singing ghosts. A wolf howled wildly somewhere and an owl hooted quietly nearby. I was flying among the trees. In the distance, beyond the trees, I could also hear happy children giggling and yelling, “TRICK OR TREAT!” All of these sounds made my heart smile and the beautiful, full moon was shining brightly through the clouds. I felt at ease and was enjoying the brisk air. Then, I heard a horrific sound that made me turn cold. It was a loud flapping of massive wings and high-pitched chirping of big, hungry bats. I knew that bats preyed on insects so I always tried my best to avoid them but that night, an attack on me was inevitable.  

They came closer, closer, and CLOSER!! I fluttered around in complete panic. I tried to hide but there was no use. Coming up behind me, one of the bats snatched me in mid-air by my wings with its gigantic, clawed feet. I tried to squirm lose but its grip was excruciatingly tight. It was about to toss me into the air and devour me when I miraculously escaped and flew away. Even though my left wing was torn, I kept on flying with all of my might. I couldn’t see behind me but I heard the bats chasing me. My tiny heart was beating crazily but I began to stagger, as I got weaker and weaker .

Then, in my blurred vision, I could see their snarled faces and grotesque fangs in front of me. Two bats on each side grabbed me by my wings. Then with their fangs, they greedily tore off both wings from my body and ate them. I screamed in agony but of course, I was unheard. They then tried to eat my whole body. They managed to take a bite out of me but one of the bats lost their grip.

I plummeted down, down, down! I didn’t know where I was falling because I was dying. I didn’t remember the landing. When I opened my eyes for the last time, I realized that I was now inside of an unlit jack-o’-lantern and saw a child dressed as a goblin watching me from the top with curiosity and sadness. My heart smiled again, seeing such innocence, as I slowly died. My spirit rose up into the clouds and roamed the mysterious, Halloween night.          

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 

Happy Halloween! :) This story was inspired from a scary dream. In the dream, I was a butterfly and bats ate me alive. I know that bats aren't bad. The story is from the butterfly's point-of-view.

Update: October 4, 2014

This is just a little update. I’ve been taking an online course: Modern and Contemporary Poetry, taught by Professor Al Filreis. https://www.coursera.org/course/modernpoetry.  It’s challenging but fun. I’m also still working on my book (long process, I know but writing it has been awesome). I’m totally excited for Halloween! October is my favorite: vibrate autumn colors, pumpkins, and scary movies. A horror story is coming soon, don’t worry.  Have a happy Halloween and watch my video on the bottom…if you dare! Bwahahaha!!! 

Rainbow Angel

Rainbow angel

Guides your way to the Lord with her wings of multicolor.

Doesn’t believe in grayness or gloominess,

Only in hope of the most vibrate.

Sweetly takes your hand,

Welcoming you to the brightness of Heaven.  

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014 

Love you Lauren 

Think Tink (August 2014)

As most of you know, I got sick at camp and had to come home early. It sucked big time! Then, after the embarrassment and disappointment of getting sick in front of everyone, I had to stay in the hospital for two nights. Three different doctors told me three different diagnoses but finally, they agreed that I had some weird stomach virus! I was poked like a pin cushion and was almost “probed” (I have another very graphic analogy for it but it’s inappropriate, lol). I had to deal with an agonizing, bloated, bubbling stomach. I also had to deal with the nurses, except for two, baby talking me and you know how I just love it when people treat me like I’m brainless. One of the doctors was cute at least. ;)

Yeah, it has been a rough couple of days but I’m going to shake it off, think Tink. The One Direction concert is next week and I’m going to have a blast! I still have fall camp to go to so I get to see my friends again. I’m better now and everything is awesome!!!  

:)

Venting, Funny, Think Tink

Trolling Or Bullying?

In internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community  with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. 

Cyberbullying is the use of information technology to harm or harass other people in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner. Examples of what constitutes cyberbullying include communications that seek to intimidate, control, manipulate, put down, falsely discredit, or humiliate the recipient. 

I often play an online game called Smallworlds and it’s very fun. It’s open to all ages. In the game, I’m a witch with magic powers, which I enjoy and I make a lot of friends. It’s an awesome game! Trolls on Smallworlds supposed to be pranksters, jokesters, tricksters.They just trick you out of your tokens or start silly magic/gun fights. 

 

It’s supposed to be all in good fun but some people use trolling as an excuse to be bullies. These bullies stalk players, hack accounts, say inappropriate insults, spread gross, false rumors, or even threaten. 

 

I usually just laugh at the trolls but I take snapshots of the bullies and report them, even if they’re not bullying me. People need to remember that it’s a great game, not another site to bully someone. 

*And don't worry, I reported the guy in snapshot above before I wrote this. The guy was a well-known bully in the game. He bullied some of my gaming friends. I just went where he hung out to catch him in the act and he tried to pick on me, not knowing I got it in a picture. I'm not being bullied.   

Possessed

Possessed
By: Lena Holdman 

When you first look at me,

I might seem innocent, sane, regular.

But look closer,

Do you see the darkness in my eyes?

You’d probably see something that even I wouldn’t recognize.

This is the monster that resides in my soul.

 It chose me because I was naïve,

I was easy to fool because I was so curious and gullible;

My own curiosity led me to a secret hell.

It taunts me with terrifying, vile thoughts;

Disturbing images of dark desires, murder, and lust.

My own mind is impossible to trust.

The pure part of me is so frightened and confused by them,

While the demon inside craves for them to become alive!

Having complete control,

it makes me do the unthinkable.

I try to fight but it’s too powerful.

I don’t know what I’m doing when it takes over.

My righteous side blacks out,

I’m it;

A rabid, wicked, pentagram-imprinted hunter.

Tainting the weak makes my mouth water,

Helpless screams make it more fun.

After the sinful deed is done,

I come to again,

I cry, fall onto my knees,

For I see the blood on my hands and the gore at my feet.

The evil inside just begins to giggle!

Can you help me?

Do you even believe me?! 

Oh, it’s getting more hungry, more dominating.

If you’re going to save me,

please hurry!

It’s burning, scratching, gnawing;

Beyond torture!

 How much invasion can my soul endure?

Let me be killed if you have to,

Please just get someone…anyone to slay this monster!! 

(c)Lena Holdman, all rights reserved 2014

Dark, Horror, Poetry, Metaphor 

The narrator is tortured by guilt. The "monster" is making her do bad things and for a moment, she likes doing those things until she sees what she's done. She just wants to stop being sinful. 

Wonderland Camp, June 2014

Last week, I went to Wonderland Camp and I had a blast! I saw my old friends: Ann, Cookie, Brad, Scott, Kayla, Katie, Faith, Jason, Dustin, Elvis, Lena, and Alena. I also made new friends: Abby, Kate, Brittany, Kyrie, Shirley, and Kaitlin.  This year, I was in a different cabin, FHB, and it was a cool change. I was so happy that I was in the same cabin as Cookie.  

On Sunday, Kayla then Scott and his friend came to visit me. It was very nice to see both of them. Then, after dinner, Cookie and I went to the campfire and sang camp songs. There was more smoke than fire and it was funny. Every time that we would try to come closer, we weren’t able to see or began coughing. It was as thick as fog. We also took a hayride all around camp. It was a very good beginning of the week.

On Monday, we tie-dyed our camp shirts in Arts and Crafts. I tie-dyed my shirt purple and orange. In Rec, we then tossed balls into hula hoops and it was so much fun.  Later that afternoon, we tried to swim. It was very cloudy but people said that the pool water was warm so I went in despite the weather. Twenty minutes after getting in, cold rain began pouring down. We had to rush out of the pool, as I shivered uncontrollably. It was quite an adventure. After a warm shower, we hung out in the cabin and listened  to One Direction until dinner time. For Evening Activity, we played “Cabin Feud” in the dining hall. It was like Family Feud, just with camp-related questions. Our cabin didn’t win but it was still fun.

On Tuesday, we rode the boat in the morning. It was slightly brisk but the sun was out. I didn’t sleep the whole time this time and the scenery was pretty. In music, we played a game that was like Musical Chairs. There were pieces of paper around a table. When the music started playing, we went around the table. When it stopped, you had to do the action that the paper closest to you says to do, like “Act Out A Scene From Your Favorite Movie”. It was funny. In Arts and Crafts, we painted a pet rock. I painted my rock purple, red, and black. Then, after my rock, I painted my fingers to put my fingerprints on paper. For Evening Activity, it was a karaoke night. I sang “Beat of My Heart” by Hilary Duff. I then danced with everyone. After a while, Cookie and I went outside and began chasing Brad around. It’s a joke between the three of us. Cookie and I couldn’t stop laughing. Before bedtime, everyone in the cabin played a game called “Hot and Cold”. Someone hid a cup and people told the person who was finding it if they were hot or cold, which meant they were close or far away from it.  It was a great night.

On Wednesday, in Rec, we exercised and colored paper rose petals red all over camp (the week’s theme was Alice In Wonderland). In Arts and Crafts, we made Mad Hatter hats. I decorated my hat with smiley faces, hearts, stars, and puzzle pieces and it was cool. We then made flags for our group talent in the talent show. The talent show began in the evening. Cookie and I sang “Lucky” by Britney Spears and we rocked! Our whole cabin waved flags and danced to “Wave Your Flag” by K’naan and it was comical. During the whole show, I clapped, cheered, sang along, and laughed. Camp talent shows always make me happy.  

On Thursday, it rained cats and dogs throughout the morning and afternoon. We did indoor activities and watched movies but everyone was more excited about the dance. Later that afternoon, the girls had Beauty Shop. Katie painted my nails black with silver glitter. I wore gray eye shadow and dark red lipstick and she straightened my bangs. After dinner, I got dressed. I put on my long, flowing, blue and black sundress and I loved it. Then the dance began. People were bopping around, the colorful lights were shining brightly and spinning ‘round, and the music was so loud that my ears rang a little. It was awesome!! I don’t know why but sometimes being surrounded by blaring music makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine, like I’m on a sugar high. I danced with everybody. Jason even took me out of my chair and danced with me, which was so, so cool! Every moment of that night was amazing!!!

On Friday, everyone was packing, signing shirts, and taking pictures. I caught myself trying to memorize every face that morning. Fridays, like I’ve said many times before, are always are bittersweet. I know that I’ll be back and I’m happy to see my parents but it’s tough to say goodbye. Camp is my secondary home and every time that I think about it, I smile. I remember all of the laughter and each adventure, minor or major.  I also feel blessed to know such incredible people.